Colin is an ordinary orange and white road traffic cone. He and his friends at the motorway maintenance yard close to the M4 motorway are bored with standing around at the edge of a road. When people are not watching them they cause michief and mayhem on the roads and motorways. See Colin make people laugh when he sits on top of a statue in the local park. Find out how brave a good little cone can be. Read about the adventures and the fun the cones from the maintenance yard close to the M4 have whenever they can. The Cone Stories are a collection of fourteen stories, they will make you laugh and sometimes make you cry. These fun stories also have delightful illustrations to bring the cones from the yard to life. Never again will you see an ordinary orange and white traffic cone without wondering what he is doing, on top of a garage roof or lurking in the shadows.
An incredibly humorous book with the power to thrill, shock and inspire the reader whilst they tear with laughter. Open To Doubt is a laugh-out-loud collection of short humorous stories, adventure tales and spoof advertisements covering a wide variety of topics such as heroic behaviour, travel, monkey oil, the diary of Clovis Pumly and buttock maintenance, to name but a few! Compiled in the style of a magazine, Open To Doubt includes a collection of hilarious articles from ‘Holiday Choices’ by the none-too-bright reporter Barry Android, to ‘News for Clowns’, the most informative newsletter for the working idiot today. As well as articles on a variety of topics, this book also includes the hallmarks of a traditional magazine including notorious agony aunt Marjorie, recipe tips and advertisements for newly-opened restaurants and local attractions. The tales of high adventure will astound, the crime reports will startle and the informative advertisements will prove handy. Getting straight to the heart of the action, Open To Doubt is based on everyday life which has been tweaked, massaged and turned on its head. This collection is designed to be dipped into by the reader until overcome with laughter. You will be amazed, astonished and bewildered, but above all you won’t be able to help but laugh. Open To Doubt is guaranteed to make you laugh and will appeal to readers looking for light comic relief.
A riches to rags fairytale, complete with an evil stepmom and two wicked stepsisters, which will have you praying for a happy-ever-after. Light-hearted, warm, a perfect tonic! Jessie Woods absolutely believes in fairytale endings. So would you if you had a recession-proof career as a daredevil TV host, a palatial pink mansion, and the dream boyfriend. But, quicker than you can say Cinderella, her life falls to pieces and suddenly her prince isn't quite so charming, her party-loving friends disappear and even her faithful friend Visa no longer loves her... Utterly heartbroken and jobless, Jessie is forced back home to live with her stepmom and two evil stepsisters. Is it time for her to give up on the dream - or will Jessie learn that happy endings can come in the strangest of places?
An all-new collection overflowing with weird facts and wild stories! Uncle John and his crack staff of writers are back—and still at the top of their game after all these years. Where else but in an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader could you find out about . . . the tapeworm diet * forty-four things to do with a coconut * the history of the Comstock Lode * seven (underwater) places to see before you die * medical miracles (and medical horrors) * the godfather of fitness * high-tech underwear * the CSI effect * and much more!
Strange and laughable adventures for all ages. A pirate crew is hijacked by a haunted bowling alley. A robot disastrously attends Mardi Gras. Armed only with honesty, a trout saves lives on the Mississippi. The Easter Bunny gets worn out. George Washington eats a breakfast fit for champions. A cyclops outwits a sinister sheep-eating monster. A dog bites a vacuum cleaner hose. Bigfoot gets a dog that lays eggs. A bear gets hungry enough to eat a vampire, but eats a car battery instead. A relative of Humpty Dumpty armors up for the end of the world. Nothing about zombies or vampires. Practically zero romance.
Shortlisted for the Guardian First Book Prize Poppy Shakespeare is wholly unique — both an insider’s look at the madness of the mental health system and an outsider’s discovery of the power of an unlikely friendship, it signals the arrival of an extraordinary new voice on the international literary scene. Who is mad? Who is sane? Who decides? Welcome to the Dorothy Fish, a day hospital in North London. N has been a patient here for thirteen years. Day after day she sits smoking in the common room, swapping medication and comparing MAD money rates. Like all the patients at the Dorothy Fish, N’s chief ambition is never to get discharged. Each year, when her annual assessment comes round, she is relieved to learn that she hasn’t got any better. Then in walks Poppy Shakespeare in her six-inch skirt and twelve-inch heels. She is certain she isn’t mentally ill and desperate to return to her life outside. Though baffled by Poppy’s attitude, N agrees to help. Together they plot to gain Poppy’s freedom. But in a world where everything’s upside-down, are they crazy enough to upset the system? Funny, brilliant, and moving, Poppy Shakespeare looks at madness from the inside, questioning our mental health system and the borders we place between sanity and insanity. Written in high-voltage prose, original and troubling, it is a stunning debut. Excerpt from Poppy Shakespeare: ‘It’s not that I’ve got a problem with mental illness,’ Poppy said. ‘It’s just there’s nothing the matter with me. Do you know what I’m saying?’ ‘I wouldn’t worry bout that,’ I said. ‘They must think you’s mad or you wouldn’t be here. Candid Headphones don’t reckon she’s mad. Never stopped her,’ I said. . . . ‘Poppy?’ I said, cause I got to say it. Be like watching a blind man walk under a bus. ‘You know what you said bout not thinking you’s mad?’ ‘Yes,’ she said, like what of it? ‘Well I wouldn’t say nothing to them about that,’ I told her. ‘Not at the moment. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t saying nothing. It’s just the doctors, you never know. They might decide to pick up on it. I mean, it’s up to you, do you know what I’m saying, but maybe if you stick to your other symptoms.’
From Tana French, author of the forthcoming novel The Searcher, “the most important crime novelist to emerge in the past 10 years” (The Washington Post), the bestseller called “the most stunning of her books” (The New York Times) and a finalist for the Edgar Award. Back in 1985, Frank Mackey was a nineteen-year-old kid with a dream of escaping hisi family's cramped flat on Faithful Place and running away to London with his girl, Rosie Daly. But on the night they were supposed to leave, Rosie didn't show. Frank took it for granted that she'd dumped him-probably because of his alcoholic father, nutcase mother, and generally dysfunctional family. He never went home again. Neither did Rosie. Then, twenty-two years later, Rosie's suitcase shows up behind a fireplace in a derelict house on Faithful Place, and Frank, now a detective in the Dublin Undercover squad, is going home whether he likes it or not.
'The real history of soccer violence.' LOADED 'A comprehensive look at some of Britain's most notorious hooligan factions.' LADS MAG From the authors of the acclaimed "HOOLIGANS: The A-L" comes the final part of the only comprehensive guide ever written to the darker side of modern football history. Here are the stories of every soccer hooligan gang, from the Cool Cats of Manchester City to the Subway Army of Wolverhampton Wanderers and the Nomad Society of York City. Authors Andy Nicholls and Nick Lowles interviewed scores of current and former hooligans to compile a definitive encyclopedia of the firms. Each club has an entry listing the names of its gangs, how they formed, their worst fights, their bitterest rivals and police operations against them. Read the histories of the Naughty Forty, the Drunk and Disorderly Firm, the Affray Team, the 6.57 Crew, the Fine Young Casuals, the Inside Crew, the Goon Squad and many more. "HOOLIGANS 2" is the ultimate guide to a fascinating but much misunderstood subject.
'BLOODY HILARIOUS' ISABELLE BROOM Emily has it all: a good job, awesome friends, a great boyfriend, and a wonderful flat exactly 411 miles away from her nightmarish family. But when her boyfriend Robert dumps her mere days before Christmas, Emily's devastated. Knowing there's no way she can face her family alone, Emily enlists the help of her party-boy neighbour Evan. All he needs to do is pretend to be Robert. The only trouble is Evan's not exactly boyfriend material. He likes flirting, loud music, and louder sex. Can Emily handle Evan and her family, or is she heading straight for disaster? WHAT READERS ARE SAYING ABOUT THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR 'Laugh-out-loud funny' ***** 'The best book I have read in ages' ***** 'Hilarious and heart-warming' ***** *And if you enjoyed The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, you'll love All I Want for Christmas, a sparkling festive romantic comedy - available for pre-order now*
From the winner of the 1989 National Book Award (for Spartina), a major new novel--wise, sad, and richly comic--about the meltdown of a marriage against the backdrop of a gloriously awful congressional campaign. Charlottesville, Virginia, 1978: Mike is a successful forty-something lawyer, a onetime congressional staffer who's had it with Washington; Joss, his wife, is a filmmaker. They're Virginia liberals with a clan of close-knit friends--a bright, edgy, flirty, games-playing group, spinning like a Catherine wheel around Mike and Joss. But the sparks that fly between the two are getting hotter and more dangerous, as Joss' restlessness turns to impatience and then anger. When one of the group introduces them all to the woman he wants to marry, things suddenly explode--this new arrival and Joss fall passionately in love, and their whole world careens out of control. What ensues is tragicomedy, as Mike tries to allay his rage and misery by letting himself get sucked into a trial run for a seat in Congress. He wants to be a hero to someone; instead he becomes the unwitting star of a political farce. Meantime, Joss is struggling with her new life, and their two young daughters (who form a lovingly unmerciful Greek chorus commenting on the action) have to navigate a turmoil in which one parent is a public joke and the other a private scandal. Rarely has the undoing of love been chronicled with such large-hearted humanity.
