A practical guide to better communication that will break the blackmail cycle for good, by one of the nation's leading therapists, Susan Forward. “Breathe a sigh of relief! Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. I highly recommend this important book!"—Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway "If you really loved me..." "After all I've done for you..." "How can you be so selfish..." Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance. Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back.
You Are About To Discover How To Neutralize The Manipulation Efforts Of Any Manipulator In Your Life And Take Your Sanity And Life Back! If you do not do this, then I will... (threat). You are the reason why this is happening (blame). Because you don't pay attention to my needs (guilt trip)... Have you heard these kinds of statements repeatedly from someone? For some reason, are you the one who is always doing something to them and you have been the only one apologizing, and the one to make sacrifices, going an extra mile to make them comfortable - to try to make things better between you? Are you made to feel vulnerable and answerable to them, yet you know that is not the 'normal' order of the relationship? If these things describe the relationship you have with someone, be it a parent, child, partner, friend or colleague at work, keep reading; you will find how to make it stop and get your freedom back! I know they made you feel like you were crazy and over reactive when you called them out on their behavior, pushing you around to do what they want. At some point, you may have felt that they were right and you were irrational. But that's how a manipulative person works to break their victim's defenses. There is a name for this kind of behavior; emotional blackmail. It is not easy to identify when you are being manipulated this way, especially if it happens with someone you love. However, regardless of who the perpetrator is, emotional manipulation will hurt you and steal your life and happiness. Lucky for you though, this book provides insights on this behavior, to teach you how to recognize it and how to deal with it and end it. The book will help you grow a spine so that you can take your life back!
"If you really loved me, you would..." "I'll hurt myself if you don't do what I want." "You owe me after all I've done for you." "I'll tell everyone about your secrets if you don't…” Do these phrases sound familiar to you? The real meaning of these sentences, although it may trigger complex and confusing feelings, can be summed up in two simple words: emotional blackmail. Emotional blackmail is a covert form of aggression in which a person close to us threatens, directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don't meet their expectations. It's a powerful form of manipulation that can be used by anyone, including co-workers, parents, friends, and partners. Blackmailers can be cunning charmers and master manipulators. They may seem like kind and caring people at first, but they can quickly turn into a "black hole" willing to do anything to satisfy their needs. They are experts at making you feel guilty or obligated to them. They may use threats, tears, or guilt trips to get what they want. They may also play the victim or make you feel like you're the only one who can help them. Invisible chains that are hard to see and break can bind you to family, friends, colleagues, or partners. The blackmailer may seem selfish, devious, or mean, but this is often not the case. In reality, they may be struggling with their own emotional issues and using blackmail as a way to cope. Yes, I know this can be difficult to understand. If you know the gripping feeling of being emotionally blackmailed, then it's time to reassess how much you know about this form of manipulation. This book has everything you need to know about being the master of your own emotions and not letting anyone else take the reins. Here's a sneak peek at what you'll learn in this book: · Understand how emotional blackmail works and how to identify it. · Learn the red flags of emotional blackmail. · Recognize the characteristics that make you a target for emotional blackmail. · Understand how emotional blackmailers exploit attachment and codependency. · Recognize the five personality types commonly associated with emotional blackmail. · Learn the seven steps that emotional blackmailers use to control their victims. · Take steps to stop being a victim and safeguard your emotional well-being. · Understand the lasting impact of emotional blackmail on your emotions. · Address emotional blackmail in the context of the internet and social media. · Use assertive communication to resist emotional manipulation. · Build resilience to effectively counter emotional blackmail and thrive in relationships. They know your buttons and they'll keep pushing them if you don't stop them. If you are tired of the sickening pain of emotional blackmail, fear, guilt, obligation, shame, and other twisted mind games, do yourself a favor. Take a deep breath, relax that knot in your stomach, and pick up this book. It will protect you for life, and more importantly, it can break the invisible chain that binds you to your "blackmailer."
Can a wife single-handedly bring a boring or broken marriage back to life? This improved and expanded edition of Laura Doyle's acclaimed First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors features real-life success stories from empowered wives who have done just that—and provides a step-by-step guide to revitalizing your own marriage. Laura Doyle's marriage was in trouble, and couples counseling wasn't helping. On the brink of divorce, she decided to talk to women who'd been happily married for over a decade, and their advice stunned her. From it, she distilled Six Intimacy Skills—woman-centric practices that ended her overwhelm and resentment, restoring the playfulness and passion in her marriage. Now an internationally-recognized relationship coach, Doyle has shared her secrets with women around the globe, saving thousands of marriages with her fresh, revolutionary approach. Practical and counter-intuitive, the Six Intimacy Skills are about focusing on your own desires and transforming your own life—not bending over backwards to transform your husband. Incorporating these skills will empower you to: Attract his attention like a magnet when you relax more and do less Receive affection not because you told him to make more of an effort, but because he naturally seeks you out Feel more like yourself—and like yourself more If you've been trying to "fix" your relationship and it's not working, maybe the problem was never you, or your husband, or even the two of you as a couple. Maybe the problem is that nobody ever taught you the skills you need to foster respect, tenderness, and consideration. With humor and heart, The Empowered Wife shows you how to improve your relationship in ways you hadn't thought possible. You'll join a worldwide community of over 150,000 empowered wives who finally have the marriages they dreamed of when they said "I do."
The world-renowned therapist and author of the groundbreaking self-help classic, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, delves into the most destructive and powerful weapon of the abuser: shame. And reveals its most powerful antidote... In The Emotionally Abused Woman, therapist Beverly Engel introduced the concept of emotional abuse, one of the most subtle, yet devastating forms of abuse within a relationship. Now Engel exposes the most destructive technique the abuser uses to break our spirit and gain control--and guides readers on how to free themselves from the shame that can keep them from the life (and the love) they deserve. Emotionally abused people are gradually stripped of self-esteem, dignity, and humanity--making them feel unworthy and utterly powerless to escape. But they possess a potent tool with which to combat shame: self-compassion. In these pages, Engel shows how to access it. Using her highly effective Shame Reduction Program, she helps readers jumpstart the process of recovery by offering specific steps to help heal, regain self-confidence--and ultimately become empowered enough to leave--for good. An invaluable resource for both men and women who suffer from emotional abuse, as well as therapists and advocates, Escaping Emotional Abuse is a supportive, nurturing guide for anyone seeking to break the chains of shame, and gain the emotional freedom to create healthier, lasting relationships.
Like most parents, Amy and Jeffrey Olrick left the hospital with their first child desperate to know, "What do we do?" But years of parenting three kids and Jeffrey's work as a child psychologist convinced them to ask a better question: "How shall I be with this new person?" In a culture obsessed with parenting formulas, it's easy to miss the fact that science and lived experience have proven that human development and thriving are a matter of relationship. Drawing on decades of psychological research, neuroscience, and their own experience as parents and people of faith, the Olricks present six relational needs for human growth that will transform the way you think about your child--and yourself. Together, the needs form a trustworthy compass to guide you and your child to a path of purpose and relational wholeness. For parents who feel pulled in a hundred directions, dizzied by the volume of clashing strategies, and jaded by the parenting programs that complicated their own childhoods, The 6 Needs of Every Child is a groundbreaking roadmap integrating the science of connection with practical tools. You'll be equipped with: An in-depth look at the six essentials your child needs to thrive Tools to use when you feel stuck The secret to secure connection with your child Self-assessment tools to discern your unique parenting style More than a parenting guide, this book is your invitation to break free from the myth of perfect parenting and embrace your child's long journey of growth. With insight, humor, and compassion, it calls parents to discover the power of being imperfectly present with their children, developing mental, emotional, and spiritual resilience that will sustain them for a lifetime.
The Culture Cure delivers the essential DNA required to break free of the status quo environment that continues to dominate the American healthcare industry. It begins with the understanding of fundamental organizational core values that lay the foundation for excellence in culture, quality, finance, and governance, known as the trees of transcendence. The Culture Cure is the medicine that can ultimately elevate the standing of the United States' healthcare system ranking among top healthcare systems, no longer trailing behind other developed countries in world. This book provides the reader with nine foundational values that transform a healthcare organization, outfitting it to succeed in the modern environment of high accountability and value-based medicine. Plagued by traditional leadership paradigms, the healthcare industry continues to deliver status quo results. Transformational thinking must dominate by embracing the values that have been vetted over 25 years in healthcare settings that are described in The Culture Cure. Transformational cultures deliver excellence, innovation, and best practices that are not afraid to own, manage, create, and develop high reliable organizations of transcendence. Delivering a systemic and collegial leadership approach to continuous improvement breathes new life into healthcare to address the chronic pain associated with underperformance. With the heated debate over America's healthcare reform and recent crises in our government-run healthcare system, transformation has become imperative. Transformation is never simple, particularly in an industry that has been described by many leadership experts as one of the most complex industries to lead. There is a public call for healthcare leaders to initiate wide-scale transformation from our traditional healthcare culture into one that innovates to meet today's challenges. The availability of evidence-based information mandates industry transformation. But for most leaders the question still remains, how? How do we transition from our traditional environment to create a foundational culture that will proactively sustain the winds of change, and create a high reliable organization? To begin this journey it requires acknowledging the most important asset in any healthcare entity, which is the employees. Developing the best colleagues, the best leaders, and the best culture leads to achieving an environment of sustainable success. The Culture Cure is about placing the oxygen mask on the employees, before securing it on the patient. Employees can not give what they do not have. Quality of care, financial sustainability, and healthcare excellence will follow when employees function in a culture that fosters personal development, positive influence, and a trusting empowerment. Author Pamela M. Tripp, has lived her passion for healthcare excellence over the past 35 years, serving as a healthcare educator, senior leader, and turnaround Chief Executive Officer. Implementing the tenets of The Culture Cure has secured national and international service excellence and quality of care awards and most recently the distinction of being the first federally qualified community health center system in the nation to receive the First Milestone Malcolm Baldrige: Governors Quest for Excellence recognition.
"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out." -Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for theemotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offersstep-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping bothvictims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful andtraumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individualsand for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotionalabuse." -Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotionalabuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showingeach party what emotional abuse is, how it affects therelationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamicrelationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp thetools for change and really use them." -Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abusethem emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves isphenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form ofabuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world'sleading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to doabout it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that youmight be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both youand your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book isfor you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how toidentify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of yourbehavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps toheal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow youand your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst ineach other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to helpthemselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stopabusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expertguidance and support you need.
