NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, so Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. As a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the founder and director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute, he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. His findings, and his heavily attended workshops, have already turned around thousands of faltering marriages. This book is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward in their approach, yet profound in their effect, these principles teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Being thoughtful about ordinary matters provides spouses with a solid foundation for resolving conflict when it does occur and finding strategies for living with those issues that cannot be resolved. Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the result of Dr. John Gottman's many years of closely observing thousands of marriages. This kind of longitudinal research has never been done before. Based on his findings, he has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage. Maintain a love map. Foster fondness and admiration. Turn toward instead of away. Accept influence. Solve solvable conflicts. Cope with conflicts you can't resolve. Create shared meaning. Dr. Gottman's unique questionnaires and exercises will guide couples on the road to revitalizing their marriage, or making a strong one even better.
Divorce rates are at an all-time high. But without a theoretical understanding of the processes related to marital stability and dissolution, it is difficult to design and evaluate new marriage interventions. The Mathematics of Marriage provides the foundation for a scientific theory of marital relations. The book does not rely on metaphors, but develops and applies a mathematical model using difference equations. The work is the fulfillment of the goal to build a mathematical framework for the general system theory of families first suggested by Ludwig Von Bertalanffy in the 1960s.The book also presents a complete introduction to the mathematics involved in theory building and testing, and details the development of experiments and models. In one "marriage experiment," for example, the authors explored the effects of lowering or raising a couple's heart rates. Armed with their mathematical model, they were able to do real experiments to determine which processes were affected by their interventions. Applying ideas such as phase space, null clines, influence functions, inertia, and uninfluenced and influenced stable steady states (attractors), the authors show how other researchers can use the methods to weigh their own data with positive and negative weights. While the focus is on modeling marriage, the techniques can be applied to other types of psychological phenomena as well.
Award-winning couples therapist Peter Fraenkel argues that most relationship problems can be traced to partners being out of sync on the powerful but mostly hidden dimension of time. Differences in daily rhythms, personal pace, punctuality, time perspective, and priorities about how time is allocated can all lead to couple conflict. Yet the fascinating fact is that these polarizing time differences play a potent role in attracting lovers in the first place. In this trailblazing new book, he draws on his original research to show how a clearer understanding of these forces can improve the health of your relationship and even rescue a failing one.
The turbulent decade of the 1980s began with financial calamity in several sectors of the United States economy, from automaking to agriculture. The rural Midwest experienced its worst economic decline since the Depression years. Thousands of farmers lost their operations, and the small rural communities that serve agriculture often changed from prosperous business centers to struggling villages with many empty buildings and boarded-up storefronts along their main streets. Families in Troubled Times examines the plight of several hundred rural families who have lived through these difficult years. The participants in the Iowa Youth and Families Project, the subjects of the present study, include farmers, people from small towns, and those who lost farms and other businesses as a result of the "farm crisis." The book traces the influence of economic hardship on the emotions, behavior, and relationships of parents, children, siblings, husbands, and wives. The results of the study show that although economic stress has a powerful adverse effect on individuals and families, countervailing social influence can help to blunt these negative processes and to assist in the repair of the personal and interpersonal damage they produce.
Marriage is an important transition in the life of any adult who marries. But often when a son or daughter gets married, their relationships with their natal families changes. It is often said that a 'daughter is a daughter all of her life, but a son is a son 'til he takes him a wife.' This book examines how marriage changes relationships between adult children and their parents and how this differs for sons versus daughters. Merrill considers the process by which men 'get pulled into' their wives' families and the ways in which men are sometimes more connected to their wives' families following marriage than to their own families. But what is it about a relationship with a son that changes when he marries? And why do daughters tend to stay closer? Why do mothers experience greater difficulty in negotiating relationships with married sons than with married daughters? Why do daughters tend to stay closer and maintain stronger ties to their natal families than sons do? This book answers these questions and offers advice for mothers on how to maintain strong ties with their children when they marry, negotiate relationships that may be fraught with new challenges, and accept changes when they happen. Sharing firsthand accounts from mothers, sons, and daughters, the author sheds new light on this neglected topic.
This book details years of research involving questionnaires and observations of married couples in pursuit of the determinants of both marital happiness and divorce. It will be of interest to family and clinical psychologists and methodologists.
Learn when to say yes and how to say no in the context of your marriage relationship. In Boundaries in Marriage, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, counselors and authors of the New York Times bestseller Boundaries, teach us that healthy boundaries are the property lines that define and protect you and your spouse as individuals. Once you have them in place, a good marriage can become better, and a less-than-satisfying one can even be saved. Boundaries in Marriage will give you the tools and encouragement you need to: Set and maintain personal boundaries and respect those of your spouse Understand and practice two key ingredients to a successful marriage: freedom and responsibility Establish values that form a godly structure and architecture for your marriage Protect your marriage from different kinds of "intruders" Work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries--or with one who doesn't It's time to deepen your love by providing a better environment for it to flourish, and Drs. Cloud and Townsend are here to help. Discover how boundaries can make life better today!