The collections from beloved mother-daughter writing duo Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella are among the best reviewed humor books published today and have been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Here for the first time in a fabulous eBook bundle are two of their witty and warm collections. Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere! Here Lisa Scottoline shares a hilarious collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours...if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space Lisa and Francesca give their mother-daughter perspective on everything from blind dates to empty calories, as well as life with the feistiest octogenarian on the planet, Mother Mary. Three generations, triple the laughs-and the love.
The original is back. TRULY TASTELESS JOKES took America by storm and made it laugh at itself. It's all in here, disgusting, repulsive, cruel, and just plain tasteless jokes and stories that will make you smile, laugh, or groan--and love every minute of it.
VERY SHORT FUNNY STORIESIn this book of really short funny stories, one should expect nothing less than one short, short funny story after another. To say they are unique short funny stories or short funny jokes is of course relative, but none of the twelve stories on offer is more than a couple of pages long. And they all have the same purpose-to bring a smile to the reader's face, if not make him giggle, chuckle or laugh out loud in amusement.Verily, the short funny story jokes of this book can be enjoyed by young and old alike. So enjoy.
Logan is a repairman in the wrong place at the wrong time—which is a creepy corporate lab in the middle of the goddamn night. After fighting off a freaky creature, he joins forces with three other poor souls trapped inside the building. Who are they? What are they doing here? What the hell is going on? And will any of them get out alive? The first in a brand new series from the mind of Tessa Stone (Hanna Is Not a Boy's Name, Buzz!)!
#1 bestselling author James Patterson doles out the laughs in the first book in the hit series! Middle-schooler Jamie Grimm faces bullies and self-doubt as he chases his dream of becoming the world’s greatest comedian Jamie Grimm is a middle schooler on a mission: he wants to become the world's greatest standup comedian--even if he doesn't have a lot to laugh about these days. He's new in town and stuck living with his aunt, uncle, and their evil son Stevie, a bully who doesn't let Jamie's wheelchair stop him from messing with Jamie as much as possible. But Jamie doesn't let his situation get him down. When his Uncle Frankie mentions a contest called The Planet's Funniest Kid Comic, Jamie knows he has to enter. But are the judges only rewarding him out of pity because of his wheelchair, like Stevie suggests? Will Jamie ever share the secret of his troubled past instead of hiding behind his comedy act? Prepare to laugh and cheer along with Jamie in this highly-illustrated, heartfelt middle school story.
Like episodes of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits, the sixteen stories contained in Listen To The Signal, Short Stories Volume 1 ask questions like, "What would happen if an iPhone game was addictive - to everyone?" and "Are we all living inside a simulation? And if so, who's running it?" and "When a pilot has to emergency land in a remote town near Area 51 what does he find?"Hi, Rob Dircks here. I'm the Audible bestselling author of Where the Hell is Tesla?, and I've been writing and narrating these stories since 2016 on my podcast, Listen To The Signal. But now I've made them available ONLY here in this book. They include: Dakō - Today I Invented Time Travel - End Game - November 8, 2016 - Quick Fix - Horatio Breathed His Last - Purgatory - Out of the Blue - Tick Tick Tick - Rose - Red Parka - Bloop - Their DNA Was No Longer the Same - The Last One - Mister Personality - Christmas in Silver Peak. Back when I started this project, I was thinking what the heck, writing some short stories will keep me fresh, let me try things I might not try otherwise, act as a sort-of sketch book of my story ideas: the funny, the weird, the scary, the sappy, and sometimes all of that mashed up together. Well, two years later, I had no idea how proud I would be of this body of work, and how genuinely psyched I am to be sharing these stories with you in this format. I probably shouldn't pump up the hype too much, and let you decide on your own, but man, going through these again for production, I felt like a proud papa, gathering up all my little babies, or like I was collecting a bag of gems.Wow, I just wrote "bag of gems" in all seriousness, like it's a totally everyday phrase, like I might find myself out on horseback in some medieval European country and have the need to reach into my little leather sack for a gem to purchase an entire village.Anyway, it feels like a bag of gems to me, and I hope it does to you, too.P.S. Your enjoyment of these short stories doesn't end with this book! I'll continue to write more and publish them first free on the Listen To The Signal podcast, I try to do one a month (but you know how that goes). And if you'd like to be reminded when they come out, you can sign up for my very occasional and not-at-all spammy email newsletter at ListenToTheSignal.com or RobDircks.com. P.P.S. The introduction music and some of the individual story music snippets were composed and performed by Danny Greenlees, and used with his permission. You can find his music at zebfrinar.bandcamp.com.
Funny Girl is a collection of uproarious stories, rollicking comics, rib-tickling wit, and more, from 25 of today’s funniest female writers for kids. What could be funnier than family? Read stories about Ursula Brown's grandmother driving her on a road trip to disaster, Lisa Brown's little brother getting a Tic-Tac stuck up his nose, and Carmen Agra Deedy's mom setting the bathtub on fire. What could be funnier than friends? Pretty much nothing, as Rita Williams-Garcia shows two besties hatching a bird-brained scheme to get on to a TV talk show, and Deborah Underwood introduces a dynamic dog-and-cat duo teaming up on a pet advice column. What could be funnier than YOU? Tell your future with Mad Libs, discover your Chinese Zodiac sign with Lenore Look, and learn the best tricks of the comedy trade from professional humorists like Adrianne Chalepah and Delaney Yeager. With clever contributions from award-winning and bestselling authors including Cece Bell, Sophie Blackall, Libba Bray, Shannon Hale, Lisa Graff, and Raina Telgemeier, this anthology of funny girls will make you laugh until you cry. Or cry until you laugh. Or maybe you won't cry at all. Either way, you'll definitely laugh. Funny Girl isn’t just an anthology: it’s a cause, a mission, a movement. Girls are funny. Now it’s time for the world to know it.
I was at my wit's end. I'd had enough of this job, this life, and my relationship had broken up. Should I eat chocolate, or go to India, or fall in love? Then I had a revelation: Why not do all three, in that order? And so it was that I embarked on a journey that was segmented into three parts and was then made into a major motion picture. Later, I woke up on an airplane with a hole in my face and a really bad hangover. I was ushered brusquely off the plane by my parents who took me to a rehab where I tested positive for coke, classic coke, special k (the drug), Special K (the cereal), mushrooms, pepperoni, and Restless Leg Syndrome. It was there that I first began painting with my feet. But rewind...the year was 1914. I was just a young German soldier serving in the trenches while simultaneously trying to destroy an evil ring with some help from an elf, a troll, and a giant sorcerer, all while cooking every recipe out of a Julia Child cookbook. What I'm trying to say is that there was a secret code hidden in a painting and I was looking for it with this girl who had a tattoo of a dragon! Let me clarify, it was the 1930s and a bunch of us were migrating out of Oklahoma, and I was this teenage wizard/CIA operative, okay? And, um then I floated off into the meta-verse as a ball of invisible energy that had no outer edge... Ugh, okay. None of this is true. I'm just kind of a normal guy from New Jersey who moved to New York, got into comedy, wrote this book about trying to write this book, and then moved to Alaska, became the mayor of a small town, spent $30,000 on underwear, and now I'm going to rule the world!!!
The collections from beloved mother-daughter writing duo Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella are among the best reviewed humor books published today and have been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Here for the first time in a fabulous eBook bundle are two of their witty and warm collections. Have a Nice Guilt Trip This collection of warm and witty stories from Lisa and Francesca will strike a chord with every woman. With twenty-something Francesca navigating New York City, Lisa holding down the fort in the suburbs, and Mother Mary making frequent and always entertaining appearances, there are plenty of opportunities for family-induced guilt, fighting, laughter, and love. Does This Beach Make Me Look Fat? From identity theft to the hazards of bicycling to college reunions and eating on the beach, Lisa and Francesca tackle the quirks, absurdities, and wonders of everyday life with wit and warmth. So put aside your worries and join Lisa and Francesca as they navigate their way through the crazy world we live in, laughing along the way.
El Ninjo is going to demonstrate how he takes advantage of each single adventure that he is experiencing in various hilarious situations of life in Volume 1 and the situations go like this: * The Wake Upper Popper * The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot * The Flying Carpet * The Backpack Burster * The Gasification In The Car * The Neighbour Detonator * The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism * The Blue Hour In The Elevator (This is a brand new and never before released story. It is included for the first time in this new and enhanced color and audio version of the Fart Book) * The Delivery Boy Truck Detonater * The Stinky Tsunami * The Lego Blower * The Hand Stinker * The Marshmallow Shooter * The Steamy Sweat Blanket Pooper * The Gas Eruption in the Chicken Coop and many more... In Volume 3 he faces the most dangerous animals. He uses his bean blowing way in order to save his life! He gets attacked by the lion, the leopard, the crocodile, and many more dangerous animals in the jungle and in the end there is only one animal that he feels save to be around with. The list of the African Bean Fart Adventures in the Jungle goes like this: * Arrival At The Lodge With Poop & Pump * The Safari Mobil Breakdown * The Jungle Bang * The Bean Slam'n Smoke * The Artistic Liana Salto Blaster * The Tears Gas Boom * The Gorilla Sound Cloud and many more steamy Kenja bean blowing stories... One last word of WARNING from El Ninjo himself: "Don't forget to check your shorts after you finish reading...because you'll laugh so hard you might tear your pants. I heard some scary story about a brave 8 year old boy who got so excited and laughed so hard about one of my fart whiffing episodes, he tore his underpants! Don't ask me about the reaction of his Mom who had to wash and mend her son's poopy ripped pants. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - This one is a real gag! This boy is now part of the flatulent secret society!"
