With keen insight and subtle humor, John F. Kasson explores the history and politics of etiquette from America's colonial times through the nineteenth century. He describes the transformation of our notion of "gentility," once considered a birthright to some, and the development of etiquette as a middle-class response to the new urban and industrial economy and to the excesses of democratic society.
In a time of fractious politics, being rude can feel wickedly gratifying, while being polite can feel simple-minded or willfully naïve. Do manners and civility even matter now? Is it worthwhile to make the effort to be polite? When rudeness has become routine and commonplace, why bother? When so much of public and social life with others is painful and bitterly acrimonious, why should anyone be polite? As Amy Olberding argues, civility and ordinary politeness are linked both to big values, such as respect and consideration, and to the fundamentally social nature of human beings. Being polite is not just a nicety--it has deep meaning. Olberding explores the often overwhelming temptations to incivility and rudeness, and the ways that they must and can be resisted. Drawing on the wisdom of early Chinese philosophers who lived through great political turmoil but nonetheless avidly sought to "mind their manners," the book articulates a way of thinking about politeness that is distinctively social. We can feel profoundly alienated from others, and others can sometimes be truly terrible, yet, as the Confucian philosophers encourage us to see, because we are social, neglecting the social and political courtesies comes at perilous cost. The book considers not simply why civility and politeness are important, but how. It reveals how small insults can accumulate to damage social relations, how separating people into tribes undermines our better interests, and how even bodily and facial expressions can influence our lives with others. Many of us, in spite of our best efforts, are often tempted to be rude, and will find here tools for fighting that temptation.
The acclaimed author of The Choosing Civility returns to the subject of common decency and thoughtful behavior. Many of us find ourselves confronted with rudeness every day and don't know how to respond. From the intrusive cell-phone user who holds loud conversations in public to the hostile highway driver who cuts one off with a quick swerve of his car, politeness seems to be on a downward spiral, surprising us at every turn. P.M. Forni, the author of Choosing Civility, has the answer. He knows that rudeness begets rudeness and, in The Civility Solution, shows us what to do when confronted with bad behavior by being assertive as well as civil. In more than one hundred different situations, he shows us how to break the rudeness cycle by responding to a variety of confrontations from bullying to rude internet behavior or the hurtful words of an insensitive family member. How would you respond to the following? ...A salesperson ignores your requests ...A fellow driver gives you the infamous "finger" ...Your child's playmate misbehaves ...Your boss publicly reprimands you P. M. Forni has solutions for all of these and many more. In yet another simple and practical handbook, P. M. Forni presents logical solutions that reinforce good behavior and make our world a more civil place.
"The most useful, well-written, and emotionally compelling business book I have read in years. I couldn't put it down." -- Robert I. Sutton, Stanford Professor and author of The No Asshole Rule "A must-read for every leader in their field." -- Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of To Sell is Human Incivility is silently chipping away at people, organizations, and our economy. Slights, insensitivities, and rude behaviors can cut deeply. Moreover, incivility hijacks focus. Even if people want to perform well, they can't. Customers too are less likely to buy from a company with an employee who is perceived as rude. Ultimately, incivility cuts the bottom line. In Mastering Civility, Christine Porath shows how people can enhance their influence and effectiveness with civility. Combining scientific research with fascinating evidence from popular culture and fields such as neuroscience, medicine, and psychology, this book provides managers and employers with a much-needed wake-up call, while also reminding them of what they can do right now to improve the quality of their workplaces.
Most people would agree that thoughtful behavior and common decency are in short supply, or simply forgotten in hurried lives of emails, cellphones, and multi-tasking. In Choosing Civility, P. M. Forni identifies the twenty-five rules that are most essential in connecting effectively and happily with others. In clear, witty, and, well...civilized language, Forni covers topics that include: * Think Twice Before Asking Favors * Give Constructive Criticism * Refrain from Idle Complaints * Respect Others' Opinions * Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame * Care for Your Guests * Accept and Give Praise Finally, Forni provides examples of how to put each rule into practice and so make life-and the lives of others-more enjoyable, companionable, and rewarding. Choosing Civility is a simple, practical, perfectly measured, and quietly magical handbook on the lost art of civility and compassion. “Insightful meditation on how changing the way we think can improve our daily lives. ... A deft exploration that urges us to think before speaking.” —Kirkus, Starred Review
An ideal resource for organizational scholars, students, practitioners, and human resource managers, this handbook covers the full spectrum of organizational theories and outcomes that define, explain, and predict the occurrence, causes, and consequences of positivity.
Why incivility at work is a bigger problem than you suspect In an accessible and informative style, Pearson and Porath examine the toll that bad behavior can have on otherwise well-functioning companies. And they reveal strategies that successful organizations are using to stop incivility before it takes hold. Whether it's a standoffish coworker or an arrogant boss, incivility at the office doesn't just affect the moods of a few employees; it hurts an entire company. Consider these statistics: 12 percent of all employees say they've left jobs because they were treated badly. Fortune 1000 executives spend roughly seven weeks per year resolving employee conflicts. And an astonishing 95 percent of Americans say they've experienced rudeness at work. Christine Pearson and Christine Porath examine the devastating toll that bad behavior can have on otherwise well-functioning companies. Combining their own scientific research with stories from fields as diverse as criminology, education, and psychology, they show how to spot the roots of incivility, rip them out, and create a culture of respect. They urge managers to stop making excuses, set a zero-tolerance policy, and lead by example. Bestsellers like The No Asshole Rule and The Power of Nice have shown the hunger for more civility at work; now The Cost of Bad Behavior shows exactly what to do about it.
The author of "Reflections of an Affirmative Action Baby" and "The Culture of Disbelief" proves that manners matter to the future of America. Not an exercise in abstract philosophizing, this book delivers an agenda for the practical implementation of civility in contemporary life.
“[This] thoughtful meditation . . . begins an important conversation about how our discourse can be moral and robust without sacrificing truth or freedom.” —Dahlia Lithwick, Slate Is civility dead? Americans ask this question every election season, but their concern is hardly limited to political campaigns. Doubts about civility regularly arise in just about every aspect of American public life. Rudeness runs rampant. Our news media is saturated with aggressive bluster and vitriol. Our digital platforms teem with trolls and expressions of disrespect. Reflecting these conditions, surveys show that a significant majority of Americans believe we are living in an age of unusual anger and discord. Everywhere we look, there seems to be conflict and hostility, with shared respect and consideration nowhere to be found. In a country that encourages thick skins and speaking one’s mind, is civility even possible, let alone desirable? In How Civility Works, Keith J. Bybee elegantly explores the “crisis” in civility, looking closely at how civility intertwines with our long history of boorish behavior and the ongoing quest for pleasant company. Bybee argues that the very features that make civility ineffective and undesirable also point to civility’s power and appeal. Can we all get along? If we live by the contradictions on which civility depends, then yes, we can, and yes, we should. “[This] slim and artful treatise . . . suggest[s] we continue to fight for civility, but learn to think of it less romantically.” —The New York TimesBook Review “Keith Bybee has delved into the literature of civility and emerged with a clear-eyed and helpful account of politesse. Let us bow.” —Henry Alford, author of Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners “This important book shows us why pursuing [civility] is as necessary as it is difficult.” —John Inazu, Comment
