Mock the Week
Mock the Week

Author: Dan Patterson

Publisher: Boxtree

Published: 2010-06-24

Total Pages: 229

ISBN-13: 1743032196

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Mock The Week: 1001 Scenes We'd Like To See is the funniest, rudest book of the summer, packed with enough one-liners to fill a whole new series. If you've ever wondered what would be a bad thing to say at a state banquet, or need advice on slogans you shouldn't have tattooed on your arse, then this book will prove invaluable. Collecting together the best one-liners from two bestselling Mock the Week books, categories include: UNSUCCESSFUL PERSONAL ADS: Companion required for long sessions of Sudoku. No timewasters. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Sorry About Your Face. UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: May cause diarrhoea, dysentery, flatulence, piles and other hilarious bottom-related ailments. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: Apricot knee Simon - well a nun might if the Zeppelin has grown its own Byzantium (16,8) LINES YOU'D NEVER SEE IN A JAMES BOND BOOK: '"James, he's using the diamonds to divert a giant laser onto New York from outer space." Bond took the bottle out of M's shaking hand and helped her off the floor into bed.'

Mock the Week: Brand Spanking New Scenes We'd Like to See
Mock the Week: Brand Spanking New Scenes We'd Like to See

Author: Dan Patterson

Publisher: Boxtree

Published: 2014-10-01

Total Pages: 223

ISBN-13: 174353471X

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Modern life is a minefield. Fortunately, the creators of Mock the Week are here to give you advice on the important things in life: from office etiquette to camping holidays, the worst things to hear while sitting on the toilet - and what not to say when passing through Customs . . . Categories include: Unlikely Things to Hear at a Funeral: 'Could whoever that is stop knocking, I'm trying to do the Eulogy!' Unlikely Things to Say on Your First Day in Prison: 'How thoughtful! Someone's left a bucket of chocolate mousse in the corner of my cell.' Guide to Keeping Tropical Fish: For a special treat, pour a smoothie slowly into the fish tank. They love that. Mountaineering Tips: Try to make sure you are accompanied by an experienced mountaineer or, failing that, someone really fat who will make for a soft landing. Medical Self-Diagnosis: If it comes out faster than gravity would normally allow, then there's something wrong.

The Now Show Book
The Now Show Book

Author: Steve Punt

Publisher: Orion

Published: 2011-09-15

Total Pages: 189

ISBN-13: 1409138267

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The must-have look at the world from the team behind Radio 4's THE NOW SHOW. THE NOW SHOW BOOK boldly tackles all the superlatives that other books avoid. It does this by means of making stuff up and scrupulously avoiding too much research, insight, or fact. Unless the fact is funnier. And legal to mention. Split into illuminating subject sections, categories include: Biggest Scare Story Worst Political Gaffe Most Hated Corporate Jargon Most Annoying Recorded Announcement Most Stressful Special Occasion Most Baffling Commercial Most Inaccurate Weather Forecast - and many more! With Marcus Brigstocke and Mitch Benn adding their own fine touches, this book is a fascinating, engrossing - and brilliantly entertaining - look at the modern world ...

Every Night of the Week
Every Night of the Week

Author: Lucy Tweed

Publisher: Allen & Unwin

Published: 2021-08-03

Total Pages: 502

ISBN-13: 1761062395

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Lucy has a special gift. Everything she touches turns to magical, sparkling loveliness.' Donna Hay Some days you want to cook; other days the goal is simply 'food in mouths'. Welcome to Every Night of the Week, a cookbook for people who don't like hard-and-fast recipes, by food and recipe writer, stylist and Instagram genie Lucy Tweed. MONDAY has potential. There are lists and ideas. The herbs are fresh and the fridge is full. TUESDAY the week has begun. Can we have efficient and beautifully delicious please? WEDNESDAY we wonder what day it is. Cook with a dash of laziness; it tastes great. THURS ... we're not even typing the full day anymore. What's in the freezer? What can we pimp? FRIDAY is family fun. 'Decorate' your own pizza, kids, or DIY san choy bau. Time to exhale. SATURDAY is the flex day, time to stretch the repertoire. Hmm, who's around for lunch? SUNDAY is for brunch and linner; two leisurely meals, eaten in absolute comfort. THAT EXTRA DAY YOU WISHED FOR is the secret day that will save your bacon Tues-Thurs. 'My signature dish is Lucy's recipe that she taught me in less than an hour. But don't tell anyone; I get a lot of compliments.' Wil Anderson

Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time
Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time

Author: Dan Patterson

Publisher: Boxtree, Limited

Published: 2011

Total Pages: 159

ISBN-13: 9780752227412

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The bestselling stocking filler returns, though you might want to give granny her Christmas sherry before she looks at it: MOCK THE WEEK'S FUNNIEST BOOK OF ALL TIME* is an hilarious, edgy collection of brand new gags from the team behind the popular panel show. Categories include: UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS: arsehopper (n.): small green insect that lives up your arse. I may have misheard this. UNLIKELY VILLAGE NAMES: Clegg-Under-Cameron; Cock-on-the-Curtain; Tinchy Stryder . . . UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY: 'This year's Speech Day has of course been ruined by those silly boys who assassinated Mr Bartram . . .' UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON DOWNTON ABBEY: 'Mr Bates's leg? He hurt it helping Otis Ferry throw a fire extinguisher off Nelson's Column at a Countryside Alliance march.' UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: You won't get this (12, 4, 3, 5) *This refers only to this and the previous three MTW books, and even that's a matter of opinion . . .

The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond
The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond

Author: Brenda Woods

Publisher: Penguin

Published: 2015-01-22

Total Pages: 242

ISBN-13: 0147514304

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Coretta Scott King Honor winner Brenda Woods’ moving, uplifting story of a girl finally meeting the African American side of her family explores racism and how it feels to be biracial, and celebrates families of all kinds. Violet is biracial, but she lives with her white mother and sister, attends a mostly white school in a white town, and sometimes feels like a brown leaf on a pile of snow. Now that she’s eleven, she feels it’s time to learn about her African American heritage, so she seeks out her paternal grandmother. When Violet is invited to spend two weeks with her new Bibi (Swahili for "grandmother") and learns about her lost heritage, her confidence in herself grows and she discovers she’s not a shrinking Violet after all. From a Coretta Scott King Honor-winning author, this is a powerful story about a young girl finding her place in the world.

Farm (and Other F Words)
Farm (and Other F Words)

Author: Sarah K Mock

Publisher:

Published: 2021-04-26

Total Pages: 268

ISBN-13: 9781636768205

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We love The American Farmer. We trust them to grow our food, to be part of children's nursery rhymes, to provide the economic backbone of rural communities, and to embody a version of the American dream. At the same time, we know that "corporate farms" are disrupting the agrarian way of life that we so admire, and that we've got to do something to stop it. So what's our plan for saving the farms we love? In Farm (and Other F Words), Sarah K Mock dismantles misconceptions about American farms and discovers what makes small family farms work, or why they don't. While exploring the intersection of farming and wealth, Mock offers an alternative perspective on American agricultural history, and outlines a path to a more equitable food system moving forward. Calling for change, Farm (and Other F Words) tackles questions like: Do farmers really get paid not to farm? Are "big corporate farms" the future? How much good has the food movement done for small family farmers? Ultimately, Mock suggests a solution without putting the onus for change on struggling consumers and reminds us that, "the future of American agriculture is not yet decided."

Pundamentalist
Pundamentalist

Author: Gary Delaney

Publisher: Headline

Published: 2020-10-01

Total Pages: 118

ISBN-13: 1472277449

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'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .

The Airfix Book of Scale Modelling
The Airfix Book of Scale Modelling

Author: Jonathan Mock

Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

Published: 2014-02-06

Total Pages: 1143

ISBN-13: 1844862461

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The Airfix Book of Scale Modelling is the essential guide to getting the most out of this fascinating and rewarding hobby, explaining how to build scale models to suit all levels of modelling skill. With full colour photography throughout, the book covers the history of modelling and of the Airfix company, and shows how injection moulded kits are made. It then describes and reviews the major modelling scales, as well as outlining the range of paints, tools and accessories that are available. Chapters include guides to choosing a kit, tools for the job, painting, decals, conversions, figure-painting, dioramas and more. Common problems and how to solve them are addressed, and there is also a series of step-by-step construction projects, including expert builds of the F86 Sabre jet, the Aston Martin DBR9, a Panzer IV tank, the Airfix yeoman figure (reissued for the London 2012 Olympics), a Trafalgar class submarine and a scenic diorama.