Fat Vampire
Fat Vampire

Author: Adam Rex

Publisher: Harper Collins

Published: 2011-07-26

Total Pages: 336

ISBN-13: 0061920924

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Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it’s just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it’s not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger
Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger

Author: Johnny B. Truant

Publisher: Johnny B. Truant

Published: 2024-05-01

Total Pages: 164

ISBN-13:

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A New Dark Leader Has Emerged... Following Maurice's near-assassination and the overthrow of the American Vampire Council, Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki have fled to Luxembourg, where they've taken refuge under the protection of Karl Stromm and the EU Council. Things in America have continued towards chaos with no end in sight — until a coup shakes the world and a new American leader arrives with promises to restore order and derail the imminent human-vampire war. But things are not as they seem. A dangerous, genocidal faction has arisen to upset the fragile balance. The New World Order in America is not what it seems. And all the while the world's vampires face a war on two fronts: deadly, prepared human forces on one side, and their immortal creators on the other.

Fat Vampire
Fat Vampire

Author: Johnny B Truant

Publisher:

Published: 2024-04-29

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9781964578002

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When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin meets a vampire, he wakes to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever created ... doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

Fat White Vampire Blues
Fat White Vampire Blues

Author: Andrew Fox

Publisher: Ballantine Books

Published: 2003-07-01

Total Pages: 354

ISBN-13: 0345464443

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He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.

My FANGtastically Evil Vampire Pet
My FANGtastically Evil Vampire Pet

Author: Mo O'Hara

Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

Published: 2018-03-06

Total Pages: 209

ISBN-13: 1250128129

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My FANGtastically Evil Vampire Pet, the epic spin-off of Mo O'Hara's New York Times bestselling My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish series features an aspiring evil scientist, paranormal pets, and plenty of hilarious summer camp shenanigans. Welcome to Camp Mwhaaa-haa-ha-a-watha! This summer is going to be epic. Epically evil, that is. ‘Cause I’m going to Evil Scientist Summer Camp! No annoying little brothers. No annoying zombie goldfish. Just me, my best friend Sanj, our notebook of evil plans, and my truly evil (and totally forbidden) vampire kitten Fang. We’ve got it all planned out. Okay, so maybe I didn’t expect for the totally not-evil Geeky Girl to show up, or for Sanj to find a new partner to work with, but there’s no way I’m going to let them ruin my summer. Evil Emperor of the Camp, here I come! Signed, The Great and Powerful Mark

Araminta Spookie 4: Vampire Brat
Araminta Spookie 4: Vampire Brat

Author: Angie Sage

Publisher: Harper Collins

Published: 2007-09

Total Pages: 210

ISBN-13: 0060774908

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Things get even spookier at Spookie House when Uncle Drac's nephew Max comes to stay for a week and Araminta goes on a combined werewolf and vampire hunting expedition.

Any Fin Is Possible: My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish
Any Fin Is Possible: My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish

Author: Mo O'Hara

Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

Published: 2016-03-01

Total Pages: 208

ISBN-13: 125006354X

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Get ready for some more fishy mayhem in this fourth hilarious illustrated chapter book in Mo O'Hara's New York Times bestselling series. When Tom and his best friend Pradeep rescued Frankie the goldfish from Tom's older brother's evil science experiment by zapping him back to life with a battery, they never expected Tom's pet to become a BIG FAT ZOMBIE GOLDFISH with incredible hypnotic powers...but it's helpful when they are thwarting his big brother's evil plans. Tom and Pradeep are about to find out the truth behind the ancient Egyption Curse of the Cat King, when their evil big brothers crash their overnight stay at the history museum. Dodging booby traps, avoiding evil, possibly mummified kittens...it's all in a night's work for a zombie goldfish! Then, there's something fishy going on at sports day. All the athletic kids seem to be losing their sporting abilities, while Tom's evil big brother Mark has suddenly become amazing at every single sport. Can Frankie help Pradeep and Tom to foil Mark's evil plans? Or will Mark and his pet vampire kitten, Fang, take home the gold?

Bride of the Fat White Vampire
Bride of the Fat White Vampire

Author: Andrew Fox

Publisher: National Geographic Books

Published: 2004-08-03

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 0345464087

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After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.

Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest
Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest

Author: Johnny B. Truant

Publisher: Johnny B. Truant

Published: 2024-05-01

Total Pages: 222

ISBN-13:

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The Era of Nighttime Has Begun... Forty years have passed since the end of the vampire/human war. Vampires have taken over the planet and have settled in, making themselves comfortable in the infrastructure their predecessors built, with just a few adjustments to ensure a permanent night. Humans still exist, tightly controlled, because the alpha species needs to eat. But even after four decades of peace, Reginald can't shake his conviction that the war never really ended — that the archive he still holds in his blood warns of an ominous change on the horizon. As old foes rise, the power structures of both races begin to falter and the very existence of life on Earth (both hot-blooded and undead) hangs in the balance. Rebel humans have developed new and frightening weapons, and they aren't afraid to use them even if it could mean the end of everything. And Reginald Baskin — always an outcast, always neglected — may be the only chance to stop it. But as Reginald steps into his destined role as a leader, he faces a hideous inevitability that even he never saw coming … and that he may be too late to prevent.

When Life Gives You Vampires
When Life Gives You Vampires

Author: Gloria Duke

Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.

Published: 2022-10-04

Total Pages: 278

ISBN-13: 1728257468

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Bridget Jones for the vampire obsessed: fans of Olivia Dade, Tessa Bailey, and Julie Murphy will love to sink their teeth into this charming romantic comedy. Single (plus size) vampire, desperately in search of a life. Twenty-five year old Lily Baines is used to waking up hungover, overweight, and underemployed. Waking up with fangs? Not so much. But when a little light necking has more serious consequences than she ever imagined, Lily's determined to get to the bottom of it, or die (again) trying. Tristan hadn't meant to turn Lily—it's against vampire law—but now that she's here, they need to team up to save both their hides. They strike an uneasy truce, fending off other vampires, Lily's work-rival-turned-slayer, and her mother's tone-deaf romance and fitness advice...all while Lily faces down her insecurities about the fact that she lives in a diet-obsessed world with a body that will never age, never die, and never change. Falling for her maddeningly gorgeous sire? Easy. Surviving an ancient vampire Master determined to see her twice-dead? Piece of cake. But can Lily ever truly learn to love the woman she'll be forever more? Perfect for fans looking for: a little Halloween spirit body positive representation enemies to lovers vibes