Earth, Air, Fire and Custard
Earth, Air, Fire and Custard

Author: Tom Holt

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2012-09-04

Total Pages: 325

ISBN-13: 0316233331

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

A novel set in the magical offices of The Portable Door, now a majorly fantastical film starring Christoph Waltz, Sam Neill, and Miranda Otto. “Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams.” — Christopher Moore, New York Times bestselling author J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter's salary is, in fact, a deeply sinister organization with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it – particularly when he fell head over heels for his strangely alluring colleague, Sophie – but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells. Our love-struck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings. The J.W. Wells & Co. Series: The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Other titles from Tom Holt: Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side Holt Writing as K. J. Parker: Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City How To Rule An Empire and Get Away With It A Practical Guide to Conquering the World

In Your Dreams
In Your Dreams

Author: Tom Holt

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2012-09-04

Total Pages: 480

ISBN-13: 031623317X

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

Ever been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook? It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to "pest" control.

The Portable Door
The Portable Door

Author: Tom Holt

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2012-09-04

Total Pages: 400

ISBN-13: 0316233293

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

THE PORTABLE DOOR is the first novel set in the magical offices of J. W. Wells. Now a majorly fantastical movie starring Sam Neill, Christoph Waltz, and Miranda Otto. “Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams.” — Christopher Moore, New York Times bestselling author Starting a new job is always stressful (especially when you don't want one), but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of J. W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. He is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is a front for a deeply sinister organization. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins. The J.W. Wells & Co. Series: The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Other titles from Tom Holt: Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side Holt Writing as K. J. Parker: Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City How To Rule An Empire and Get Away With It A Practical Guide to Conquering the World

Paint Your Dragon
Paint Your Dragon

Author: Tom Holt

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2012-09-04

Total Pages: 227

ISBN-13: 0316233226

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

Sculptress Bianca Wilson is a living legend. St. George is also a legend, but not living. However, when Bianca's sculpture of the patron saint and his scaly chum gets a bit too lifelike, it opens up a new can of wyrms. The dragon knows that in the battle between Good and Evil, Evil got a raw deal and is looking to set the record straight. And George (who cheated) thinks the record's just fine as it is.

May Contain Traces of Magic
May Contain Traces of Magic

Author: Tom Holt

Publisher: Hachette UK

Published: 2012-09-04

Total Pages: 368

ISBN-13: 0316233358

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

There are all kinds of products. The good ones. The bad ones. The ones that stay in the garage moldering for years until your garden gnome makes a home out of it. Most are harmless if handled properly, even if they do contain traces of peanuts. But some are not-not the ones that contain traces of magic. Chris Popham wasn't paying enough attention when he talked to his SatNav. Sure, she gave him directions, never talked back to him, and always led him to his next spot on the map with perfect accuracy. She was the best thing in his life. So was it really his fault that he didn't start paying attention when she talked to him? In his defense, that was her job. But when "Take the next right" turned into "Excuse me," that was when the real trouble started. Because sometimes a GPS isn't a GPS-sometimes it's an imprisoned soul trapped inside a metal box that will do anything it can to get free. And some products you just can't return.

The Better Mousetrap
The Better Mousetrap

Author: Tom Holt

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2012-09-04

Total Pages: 429

ISBN-13: 0316233064

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

A novel set in the magical offices of The Portable Door, now a majorly fantastical film starring Christoph Waltz, Sam Neill, and Miranda Otto. “Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams.” — Christopher Moore, New York Times bestselling author It touches all our lives – our triumphs and tragedies, our proudest achievements, our most traumatic disasters. Alloyed of love and fear, death and fire, and the inscrutable acts of the gods, insurance is indeed the force that binds the universe together. Hardly surprising, therefore, that Frank Carpenter, one of the foremost magical practitioners of our age, felt himself irresistibly drawn to it. Until, that is, he met Jane, a high-flying corporate heroine with an annoying habit of falling out of trees and getting killed. Repeatedly. It's not long before Frank and Jane find themselves face to face with the greatest enigma of our times: When is a door not a door? When it's a mousetrap. The J.W. Wells & Co. Series: The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Other titles from Tom Holt: Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side Holt Writing as K. J. Parker: Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City How To Rule An Empire and Get Away With It A Practical Guide to Conquering the World

The Two of Swords: Part Ten
The Two of Swords: Part Ten

Author: K. J. Parker

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2015-11-10

Total Pages: 48

ISBN-13: 0316351547

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

"Why are we fighting this war? Because evil must be resisted, and sooner or later there comes a time when men of principle have to make a stand. Because war is good for business and it's better to die on our feet than live on our knees. Because they started it. But at this stage in the proceedings," he added, with a slightly lop-sided grin, "mostly from force of habit." A soldier with a gift for archery. A woman who kills without care. Two brothers, both unbeatable generals, now fighting for opposing armies. No one in the vast and once glorious United Empire remains untouched by the rift between East and West, and the war has been fought for as long as anyone can remember. Some still survive who know how it was started, but no one knows how it will end. This serial novel from the World Fantasy Award winning K. J. Parker is the story of a war on a grand scale, told through the eyes of its soldiers, politicians, victims and heroes. The first three parts of The Two of Swords will arrive in April 2015, with further installments to be released monthly. This is the tenth installment in the Two of Swords serialization.

Saevus Corax Gets Away With Murder
Saevus Corax Gets Away With Murder

Author: K. J. Parker

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2023-12-05

Total Pages: 297

ISBN-13: 0316668982

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

From one of the most original voices in fantasy comes a twisted tale of murder, betrayal, and battlefield salvage. For more from K. J. Parker, check out: Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled CityHow to Rule an Empire and Get Away With It A Practical Guide to Conquering the World The Two of SwordsThe Two of Swords: Volume OneThe Two of Swords Volume TwoThe Two of Swords: Volume Three The Fencer TrilogyColours in the SteelThe Belly of the BowThe Proof House The Scavenger TrilogyShadowPatternMemory Engineer TrilogyDevices and DesiresEvil for EvilThe Escapement The CompanyThe Folding KnifeThe HammerSharps

The Two of Swords: Volume Two
The Two of Swords: Volume Two

Author: K. J. Parker

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2017-11-14

Total Pages: 398

ISBN-13: 0316253480

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

The second volume in The Two of Swords trilogy by World Fantasy Award-winning author K. J. Parker. "Why are we fighting this war? Because evil must be resisted, and sooner or later there comes a time when men of principle have to make a stand. Because war is good for business and it's better to die on our feet than live on our knees. Because they started it. But at this stage in the proceedings," he added, with a slightly lop-sided grin, "mostly from force of habit." A soldier with a gift for archery. A woman who kills without care. Two brothers, both unbeatable generals, now fighting for opposing armies. No-one in the vast and once glorious United Empire remains untouched by the rift between East and West, and the war has been fought for as long as anyone can remember. Some still survive who know how it was started, but no-one knows how it will end. The Two of Swords is the story of a war on a grand scale, told through the eyes of its soldiers, politicians, victims and heroes.

A Practical Guide to Conquering the World
A Practical Guide to Conquering the World

Author: K. J. Parker

Publisher: Orbit

Published: 2022-01-11

Total Pages: 321

ISBN-13: 0316498645

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

A Practical Guide to Conquering the World can be read by itself, but for those who like endings it can also be considered the refreshingly pragmatic conclusion to World Fantasy Award-winning author K.J. Parker’s acclaimed sequence of novels that began with Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City and continue with How to Rule an Empire and Get Away with It. "Full of invention and ingenuity . . . Great fun." —SFX This is the true story of Aemilius Felix Boioannes the younger, the intended and unintended consequences of his life, the bad stuff he did on purpose, and the good stuff that happened in spite of him. It is, in other words, the tale of a war to end all wars, and the man responsible. For more from K. J. Parker, check out: Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled CityHow to Rule an Empire and Get Away With It A Practical Guide to Conquering the World The Two of SwordsThe Two of Swords: Volume OneThe Two of Swords Volume TwoThe Two of Swords: Volume Three The Fencer TrilogyColours in the SteelThe Belly of the BowThe Proof House The Scavenger TrilogyShadowPatternMemory Engineer TrilogyDevices and DesiresEvil for EvilThe Escapement The CompanyThe Folding KnifeThe HammerSharps