Betoota-isms

Betoota-isms

Author: The Betoota Advocate

Publisher: Pan Australia

Published: 2021-10-26

Total Pages: 244

ISBN-13: 1760988979

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A guide to The Betoota Advocate's most memorable slang, nicknames and sayings. The Betoota Advocate prides itself as not only Australia's oldest newspaper, but also its most ardent documenter of our nation's ever-changing language. Betoota-isms is a deep dive into Australian culture, invention and creativity with a complete record of 'English' as it is used from the Member's Box of the MCG to the change rooms of the Betoota Dolphins rugby league club. Discover the meaning of the Michelle Pfeiffer (the Pfizer). Identify, with confidence, our nation's leaders: Scotty from Marketing, Dictator Dan and Hot Mess Gladys. Ask your mate to pick you up a Bachelor's Handbag and some bread rolls on his next run to Coles. As authoritative as the Macquarie Dictionary and as exhaustive as a Fortitude Valley pub crawl, Betoota-isms is your one-stop guide to the grandeur of the great Australian vernacular.


John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life

John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life

Author: John Goblikon

Publisher:

Published: 2021-09-07

Total Pages: 312

ISBN-13: 9781644282304

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In a world filled with trolls, we all need to live life more like a goblin. What does it mean to "live life like a goblin"? It means to give no fucks, but also all the fucks in the world at the same time. It means to be constantly anxiety ridden while also eternally optimistic. A goblin's heart, specifically John Goblikon's, is filled with love, joy, angst, constant quandary, Chili's Southwestern Egg rolls, metal, and empathy. Through the goblin eyes of being an internet-celebrity-insurance-salesman-rock and roll-mascot for the Goblin Metal outfit NEKROGOBLIKON, we learn about life, death, business, food, music, travel, culture, dating, school, drinking, compassion, and much more! John walks readers through crucial life steps, from becoming internet famous, to getting dates with special someones, to even correct ordering techniques for the perfect meal at Chili's. Have a problem? John Goblikon assumes he knows how to help you solve it...all in this new, for-sure-to-be-a-New-York-Times-bestseller-and-win-like-a-hundred-awards debut book: John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life.


Discovering Scarfolk

Discovering Scarfolk

Author: Richard Littler

Publisher: Random House

Published: 2014-11-20

Total Pages: 199

ISBN-13: 1473502284

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"Scarfolk is a town in north-west England that did not progress beyond 1979. The entire decade of the 1970s loops ad infinitum. In Scarfolk children must not be seen OR heard, and everyone has to be in bed by 8 p.m. because they are perpetually running a slight fever..." Part-comedy, part-horror, part-satire, Discovering Scarfolk is the surreal account of a family trapped in the town. Through public information posters, news reports, books, tourist brochures and other ephermera, we learn about the darker side of childhood, school and society in Scarfolk. A massive cult hit online, Scarfolk re-creates with shiver-inducing accuracy and humour our most nightmarish childhood memories. FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE RE-READ.


Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Author: Graham Johnson

Publisher: Perigee Trade

Published: 2011

Total Pages: 80

ISBN-13: 9780399536496

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Better than a cold shower-and a lot funnier. Choke the chicken, spank the monkey, charm the snake-however you refer to it, none of the images in this book will encourage you to pleasure yourself. This deceptively simple and strangely addictive book presents a laugh-out-loud collection of random pictures virtually guaranteed to dampen the urge of even the strongest libido.


The Betoota Advocate Round-Up

The Betoota Advocate Round-Up

Author: The Betoota Advocate

Publisher:

Published: 2016-11-01

Total Pages: 132

ISBN-13: 9780733337857

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A collection of the best plus a host of new material from 'Australia's oldest newspaper', a hugely popular online satricial 'news' service The BETOOTA ADVOCATE claims to hail from the Queensland town of Betoota (pop: 0) and be Australia's oldest newspaper. Since venturing online in 2014, it has quickly become a player in online 'news' and entertainment, punching far above its weight, given not a word of it is true, and it was launched by three young blokes with not much more than a laptop and a distinctively larrikin Aussie humour. Several of its so-called 'news' stories have been reported as fact by major news services, including Channel Nine, which reran the story of a parking policeman who booked himself, and radio 4BC, which re-reported the story of 78-year-old Reg 'Slim' Flynn, a former prize fighter who took out three would-be home invaders. Now it's time to bring together the Betoota's best stories with a host of new material, including news, sport, human interest, crosswords - even the classifieds - in an inhale-on-Christmas-day-and-make-your-drunk-uncle-laugh collection. 'The Betoota Advocate shall reign supreme as the global purveyor of eternal truth' - Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce


Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood

Trixie and Katya’s Guide to Modern Womanhood

Author: Trixie Mattel

Publisher: Random House

Published: 2020-07-16

Total Pages: 240

ISBN-13: 1473574501

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SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Drag superstars Trixie Mattel and Katya have long captivated fans with their stunning looks, onscreen chemistry, and signature wit. In Trixie and Katya's Guide to Modern Womanhood, the pair channel that energy into an old-school etiquette guide for ladies. In essays and how-to sections peppered with hilarious, gorgeous photos, Trixie and Katya will advise readers on beauty and fashion and tackle other vital components of a happy home, such as money, entertaining and friendship; sharing advice and personal stories in high-concept fashion. Informative, humorous, and heartwarming, Trixie and Katya's Guide to Modern Womanhood is the book that their fans have been waiting for.


The Communist Manifesto

The Communist Manifesto

Author: Dick Cody Heese

Publisher: Dick Cody Heese

Published: 2021-06-15

Total Pages: 44

ISBN-13: 9781087885155

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PLEASE READ: Widely loathed parody author Dick Cody Heese is responsible for this poorly-conceived spoof of Marx and Engels' "The Communist Manifesto." Written at the Hooters in Saugus, Massachusetts, in the span of 45 minutes, "The Communist Manifesto: But Tony Hawk Can Keep His Stuff" asks the question: What would change about the Communist Manifesto had Tony Hawk existed during the time of Marx and Engels? Heese's resounding conclusion is that the seminal document in political theory would have included exceptions allowing Tony Hawk to retain his private property in recognition of his gnarly skateboarding abilities and personable demeanor. In an act of parodic historical revisionism, Heese amends the Manifesto to include several sentence-long additions to each of its four parts to make this change on behalf of the original authors. In doing so, he saves Marx and Engels from becoming a casualty of their time given their inability to foresee the bodacious shredding a Californian skateboarder would accomplish nearly a century after their deaths. Heese has also written several other barely passable parodies, including "The Great Gatsby: But Nick has Scoliosis," "Moby-Kevin," and "Pride and Prejudice: But Mr. Darcy is a Vape God."


Dangerous Acquaintances

Dangerous Acquaintances

Author: Choderlos de Laclos

Publisher: Penguin

Published: 1961

Total Pages: 404

ISBN-13: 9780140441161

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An epistolary novel chronicles the cruel seduction of a young girl by two ruthless, eighteenth-century aristocrats


As Swallows Fly

As Swallows Fly

Author: L.P. McMahon

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2021-03-03

Total Pages: 319

ISBN-13: 1920727574

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When Malika, a young orphan in rural Pakistan, is savagely attacked, her face is left disfigured and her self-esteem destroyed. Haunted by the assault, she hides from the world, finding solace in her mathematical theories. A few years later, her intellectual brilliance is discovered and she leaves conflict-stricken Pakistan for a better education in Melbourne, where she finds herself placed with Kate—a successful plastic surgeon facing emotional insecurities of her own. Malika and Kate’s lives slowly intertwine as they find within each other what each has lacked alone. At first, Kate’s skills appear to offer a simple solution to Malika’s anguish, but when tragedy strikes, the price of beauty is found to be much higher than either of them could have known. As Swallows Fly is a poignant portrayal of survival, identity and empowerment in a culture dominated by the pursuit of perfection. In a captivating and unforgettable debut, McMahon asks what might be possible if we have the courage to be flawed.


The Lost Love Song

The Lost Love Song

Author: Minnie Darke

Publisher: Random House

Published: 2020-03-03

Total Pages: 294

ISBN-13: 1473562546

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A feel-good romance by the author of Star-crossed, perfect for anyone who loves David Nicholls, Marian Keyes and Jojo Moyes. Arie and Diana were destined to be together. Arie falls for Diana in a heartbeat. Their love creates a life for them, a marriage and a home. Pianist Diana wants to capture this in a song for Arie. But that’s not where the story ends... After Diana debuts their song to a room full of strangers, tragedy strikes and Arie never gets to hear it. There’s still a verse to come. Diana’s melody lives beyond her and the lost love song begins to find its way back home. Can it help Arie to find new hope, and a new love? Readers love Minnie Darke 'Witty, mischievous and intelligent... if you enjoy Marian Keyes or Mhairi McFarlane, you'll enjoy this. 'A clever and witty comedy' 'Warm, funny, addictive, I couldn’t put it down.' 'A smart and funny novel' 'Beautifully written with warmth and wit... a truly delightful read.' 'Uplifting, romantic and fabulous... I loved this charming book.'