The new "Infused" edition of the New York Times best seller! This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store chronicles what happens when a little girl who scorns the idea of marriage and children (in favor of becoming a stiletto-wearing, attache-carrying Secret Agent), majors in Russian, minors in Vodka, and then one day finds herself with child… and in-laws.
**Winner of the 2015 Bronze IPPY in Humor** PUBLISHERS WEEKLY REVIEW: Turner is back and better than ever in this comedic sequel to This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, as reliably honest and zany storytelling conveys both joys and trials of parenthood. Turner, an Idaho mother raising two young daughters, has an opinion on everything, including buffets (they bear responsibility for "what's wrong with this country"); writers' retreats and how to measure the quality of someone's writing by how much he or she talks about it ("excessive babbling" is an "attempt to compensate for crippling insecurity"); and a parenting technique she calls "Willful Denial of Fact." Vignettes range from botched chemical peels, her children's Mandarin classes, endeavors to use a Slip ‘n Slide, and six months in Mexico with the in-laws. Readers will be pleased to see familiar characters reprise their roles from Turner's first book, such as brother-in-law Virgil, who tells everyone that Turner's father is Dean Koontz, "the guy who wrote The Shining." Turner's unapologetic confessional is easy to relate to, and she succeeds in finding humor and entertainment in even the most mundane trials of motherhood. In the hilarious sequel to the bestselling "momoir" This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, A.K. Turner returns with the mayhem of motherhood. From preschoolers blurting obscenities in public places to living with her in-laws in Mexico, Mommy Had a Little Flask delivers a delightfully raw and honest account of family life in Turner's latest laugh-out-loud confessional. “It’s rare for a writer to actually make me laugh out loud, but A.K. Turner does just that.” —Robin O'Bryant, New York Times bestselling author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “I laughed out loud at Mommy Had a Little Flask, but make no mistake, this book is equally heartfelt and humorous as A.K. Turner delves into all the wonders, challenges and horrifying playground moments of parenting – the most extreme sport there is.” —Cameron Morfit, Sports Illustrated “A.K. Turner is always hilarious, and she doesn’t disappoint.” —Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat “The thing that I can’t get over with A.K. Turner is that she is endlessly fresh. Funny, always, but fresh, sweet funny that keeps me coming back again and again...and craving more. Always can’t wait to read her latest.” —Meredith Spidel, The Mom of the Year “A.K. Turner can turn even the simplest family story into a rollicking, outrageous, hilarious adventure. Buckle up!” —Michelle Newman, You’re My Favorite Today, contributor to the bestselling humor anthologies I Just Want to Pee Alone and I Just Want to Be Alone, and Community Contributor at Entertainment Weekly “A.K. Turner is the best friend that we dream of having: someone who is smart and eloquent and doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously. That is what makes all of her books so fabulous, you can’t help but envision yourself right alongside of her, cheering her on, laughing out loud and thanking your lucky stars that you have her in your life.” —Lynn Morrison, The Nomad Mom Diary, Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Bloggers, Circle of Moms Top 25 European Bloggers, and contributor to BLUNTmoms and The Huffington Post “A.K. Turner’s writing manages to be both hilarious and heartfelt at the same time. When I read her words, I find myself laughing to the point of tears one minute and then crying real tears the next. It’s writing that makes you feel something. Something real and deep and honest. Which is how writing should be.” —Deva Dalporto, My Life Suckers
A.K. Turner's Tales of Imperfection series includes The New York Times bestsellers This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store and Hair of the Corn Dog and the IPPY award winner Mommy Had a Little Flask. The self-deprecating and brutally blunt mother of two delivers the mayhem and adventures of family life in what Publishers Weekly calls "reliably honest and zany storytelling" and a "hilarious account of parenthood". “It’s rare for a writer to actually make me laugh out loud, but A.K. Turner does just that.” —Robin O'Bryant, New York Times bestselling author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “I laughed out loud at Mommy Had a Little Flask, but make no mistake, this book is equally heartfelt and humorous as A.K. Turner delves into all the wonders, challenges and horrifying playground moments of parenting – the most extreme sport there is.” —Cameron Morfit, Sports Illustrated “A.K. Turner is always hilarious, and she doesn’t disappoint.” —Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat “The thing that I can’t get over with A.K. Turner is that she is endlessly fresh. Funny, always, but fresh, sweet funny that keeps me coming back again and again...and craving more. Always can’t wait to read her latest.” —Meredith Spidel, The Mom of the Year “A.K. Turner can turn even the simplest family story into a rollicking, outrageous, hilarious adventure. Buckle up!” —Michelle Newman, You’re My Favorite Today, contributor to the bestselling humor anthologies I Just Want to Pee Alone and I Just Want to Be Alone, and Community Contributor at Entertainment Weekly “A.K. Turner is the best friend that we dream of having: someone who is smart and eloquent and doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously. That is what makes all of her books so fabulous, you can’t help but envision yourself right alongside of her, cheering her on, laughing out loud and thanking your lucky stars that you have her in your life.” —Lynn Morrison, The Nomad Mom Diary, Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Bloggers, Circle of Moms Top 25 European Bloggers, and contributor to BLUNTmoms and The Huffington Post “A.K. Turner’s writing manages to be both hilarious and heartfelt at the same time. When I read her words, I find myself laughing to the point of tears one minute and then crying real tears the next. It’s writing that makes you feel something. Something real and deep and honest. Which is how writing should be.” —Deva Dalporto, My Life Suckers
Leave the Lipstick, Take the Iguana is the 9th book in the bestselling Travelers' Tales humor series which began with There's No Toilet Paper on the Road Less Traveled followed by the now classic "underwear" women's humor series which began with top seller and still-selling Sand in My Bra.
AK Turner wants to cuddle with a wombat. She wants it bad. In the hilarious sequel to Vagabonding with Kids, the nomadic family of four continues their journey with a two-month trip Down Under. AK Turner indulges her fascination with prisons, with no understanding of why her husband would rather spend every day at the beach. Their daughters aren't motivated by either, and are instead enthralled with the wonders of public toilets. As the Turners wind their way through Australia, all eyes are on the lookout for adventure. And wombats.
Now a NEW YORK TIMES best seller! PUBLISHERS WEEKLY STARRED REVIEW: The third book in the Tales of Imperfection series from Turner (This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, Mommy Had a Little Flask), a mother of two from Idaho, provides another hilarious account of parenthood. A self-admitted neat freak, the author details the important distinctions between paper towels and dishcloths, and wishes she could "conduct a class highlighting these differences and then create a test with various scenarios." Also a lover of travel, she signs up for HomeExchange.com—a house-swapping service—in hopes of a family holiday to an exotic locale, while pondering the headline "Idaho: Just Like New York, Only Different." With her characteristic good-spirited, self-deprecating humor, Turner describes taking her kids to a children's art camp on the Jersey Shore and surviving a back-to-school night "ice cream unsocial." Well paced, entertaining, and full of endearing stories on parenting, this new addition to Turner's popular series will leave readers looking forward to the next installment. BOOK DESCRIPTION: In the latest laugh-out-loud confessional from A.K. Turner’s "Tales of Imperfection” series, the author relates her adventures on the Jersey Shore, at an Idaho drag show with her in-laws, and surviving the perils of an elementary school ice-cream social with equal parts wit and heart. The laughter pairs well with two parts cocktail. “It’s rare for a writer to actually make me laugh out loud, but A.K. Turner does just that.” —Robin O'Bryant, New York Times bestselling author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “I laughed out loud at Mommy Had a Little Flask, but make no mistake, this book is equally heartfelt and humorous as A.K. Turner delves into all the wonders, challenges and horrifying playground moments of parenting – the most extreme sport there is.” —Cameron Morfit, Sports Illustrated “A.K. Turner is always hilarious, and she doesn’t disappoint.” —Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat “The thing that I can’t get over with A.K. Turner is that she is endlessly fresh. Funny, always, but fresh, sweet funny that keeps me coming back again and again...and craving more. Always can’t wait to read her latest.” —Meredith Spidel, The Mom of the Year “A.K. Turner can turn even the simplest family story into a rollicking, outrageous, hilarious adventure. Buckle up!” —Michelle Newman, You’re My Favorite Today, contributor to the bestselling humor anthologies I Just Want to Pee Alone and I Just Want to Be Alone, and Community Contributor at Entertainment Weekly “A.K. Turner is the best friend that we dream of having: someone who is smart and eloquent and doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously. That is what makes all of her books so fabulous, you can’t help but envision yourself right alongside of her, cheering her on, laughing out loud and thanking your lucky stars that you have her in your life.” —Lynn Morrison, The Nomad Mom Diary, Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Bloggers, Circle of Moms Top 25 European Bloggers, and contributor to BLUNTmoms and The Huffington Post “A.K. Turner’s writing manages to be both hilarious and heartfelt at the same time. When I read her words, I find myself laughing to the point of tears one minute and then crying real tears the next. It’s writing that makes you feel something. Something real and deep and honest. Which is how writing should be.” —Deva Dalporto, My Life Suckers
Don't forget the bear spray. This is foremost in AK Turner's mind as she travels with her husband and two daughters north through Canada, along the Alaska Marine Highway, and ultimately to a tiny, roadless island, accessible only by boat from the nearby town of Sitka. The foursome adapts to island life, where their neighbors are few humans and thousands of giant slugs. With adventures in hot-springs hunting, fishing (kill the fish before filleting), and hiking on rain-forested volcanic islands, Vagabonding with Kids: Alaska provides raucous insight into life on the Alexander Archipelago.
Summary: The Turners are on the road again in a raucous continuation of the Vagabonding with Kids series, exploring Brazil from the Amazon rain forest to Rio's famed Copacabana Beach. But this time the in-laws are along for the ride, and three generations have to survive close quarters, radioactive beaches, and jungle hammocks for accommodations. Armed with little knowledge of Portuguese, but a great appreciation for the Brazilian national drink, the nomadic family finds adventure (and laughter) at every turn.
"This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store chronicles what happens when a little girl who scorns the idea of marriage and children (in favor of becoming a stiletto-wearing, attaché-carrying secret agent), majors in Russian, minors in Vodka, and then one day finds herself with child...and in-laws." -Provided by publisher.
