When Armani Vasquez is ripped off by her financial advisor, she recruits her good friend (and occasional assassin) Maggie Lee, to help her track him down. Piling into Armani’s RV with a know-it-all lizard, an airhead Doberman pinscher, a one-eyed cat, a nervous mouse (and an unexpected stowaway) Maggie and Armani embark on an adventure to recover Armani’s money and bring the embezzler to justice. What could go wrong?
Everybody knows that bumbling assassin Maggie Lee isn’t in the best of physical shape, but that is about to change. Not because she’s caught the fitness bug, but because it’s a job requirement. (A job she tried to refuse, but there were mentions of debts, threats, and other untoward stuff so she couldn’t really say no.) So now Maggie is in training. She’s got the shirt to prove it and everything. The one that says, “Dead Last Finish, Beats Did Not Finish, Which Greatly Trumps Did Not Start”. Can Maggie get to the starting line on time? Can she finish her assignment? Or will she end up dead? (God’s betting on the third option.)
Family is everything. That’s the motto Maggie Lee lives by. She’s proven that she’ll do anything (even become an assassin…albeit an inept one, as God likes to remind her) to take care of those she loves. Even when they drive her crazy. But as Maggie attempts to reunite a young boy with his mother, her own family is in danger of falling apart. The human members are facing a heartbreaking loss, the animals are mutinying against one of their own, and a missing skull is causing trouble for everyone. Maggie may be able to save an innocent’s life, but can she save her family?
Maggie Lee is stressed as she plans a hit ordered by the mob boss while simultaneously coordinating a Going Away party for her brother. Things only get worse when the body of a kid she went to high school with is found and her old friend Zeke becomes the main suspect in a murder investigation. Meanwhile, a series of unexpected reunions knocks Maggie off her game and she makes some dangerous mistakes. If she’s not careful, she could be the one who ends up going away…for murder.
Imagine a high-strung, comfort loving hitwoman at a rustic spiritual retreat. Things are finally looking up for Maggie Lee. Her almost-lover Patrick is taking steps (albeit deadly ones) to insure they’ll have a future together, her niece Katie is about to be released from the hospital, her sister Marlene has stopped turning tricks and started tossing pizzas, and Maggie has a chance to land a new (legal) job. If only God would stop hounding her to apologize to her mother, Maggie would be pretty close to content with her life. When Maggie agrees to take out a new target, using a spiritual retreat as her cover story, she ends up with a spoon (long story), an odd, selectively mute roommate, and a chance to save a life. As Maggie struggles to balance all the important people in her life and deliver on the deadly contract, she begins to believe that God may be right about the act of contrition he’s demanded…but will she live long enough to do it?
Maggie Lee’s life is spiraling out of control. (What else is new, right?) Her family is pulling her in a dozen directions. Her pets are bickering incessantly. She’s got a job that she’s not quite sure she’s up to doing. And it kind of feels like everyone is conspiring to drive her nuts. Join Maggie and her menagerie on their latest misadventure, The Hitwoman Spirals, Book 44 in the Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman series.
Maggie Lee is not your average hitwoman. For one thing, she's never killed anyone. For another, after hitting her head in the car accident that killed her sister, her new best friend is a talking lizard—a picky eater, obsessed with Wheel of Fortune, that only Maggie can hear. Maggie, who can barely take care of herself, is desperate to help her injured and orphaned niece get the best medical care possible, so she reluctantly accepts a mobster's lucrative job offer: major cash to kill his monstrous son-in-law. Paired with Patrick Mulligan, a charming murder mentor (who happens to moonlight as a police detective), Maggie stumbles down her new career path, contending with self-doubt, three meddling aunts, a semi-psychic friend predicting her doom, and a day job she hates. Oh, and let's not forget about Paul Kowalski, the sexy beat cop who could throw her ass in jail if he finds out what she's up to. Training has never been so complicated! And, this time, Maggie has to get the job done. Because if she doesn't . . . she's the mob's next target.
The klutzy contract killer must enlist the help of both her psychic friend, Armani, and her ever-growing collection of talking pets, as she desperately searches for not one, but two, missing relatives. At the same time she’s trying to keep the peace in her crazy family and complete an unwanted assignment from mob boss, Delveccio, which could end with her on ice. And oh yeah, she’s got a date with a certain hot manny. Maggie and friends follow a crazy and convoluted path to try to save the day, but will an unexpected enemy get the upper hand?
While pulling a Halloween prank, a group of teenagers find the town’s homeless man covered in blood, muttering about a witch. Most of the residents of Pride Falls assume he’s responsible for whatever terrible fate has befallen the missing town librarian, but pet photographer turned crime scene photographer Kiki Long doesn’t see it that way. She pursues an alternate theory while attempting to convince her incarcerated husband to grant her a divorce, avoid a creepy stalker, and figure out the perfect costume to wear to her friend’s Halloween bash. Hard to say whether she’s got a shot of pulling any of it off.
Bumbling hitwoman Maggie Lee has discovered the sister she thought was dead might be alive. She’s desperate to find her, but all of her bosses are making unreasonable demands. Demands she can’t afford not to meet. Once again, Delveccio, the chocolate pudding loving mob boss, needs someone whacked. Her obnoxious boss at her day job insists she intervene on his behalf with her semi-psychic friend, Armani. And the mysterious organization with the power to put her almost-lover Patrick behind bars has saddled her with an annoying new partner and sent her on a mission that has gone to the dogs. With the clock ticking, Maggie (along with her snarky lizard, dyslexic Doberman and Southern belle cat) does her best to pull off every job without winding up in jail or dead…but is her best good enough?
