The Funniest Chelsea Quotes... Ever!
The Funniest Chelsea Quotes... Ever!

Author: Gordon Law

Publisher:

Published: 2016-11-01

Total Pages: 130

ISBN-13: 9781539777991

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From Jose Mourinho to Ron 'Chopper' Harris, Chelsea managers and players have kept us entertained with some truly hilarious sound bites over the years. In this comprehensive collection, author Gordon Law has compiled more than 250 side-splitting quotes and quips from the men of Stamford Bridge.Packed with loads of classic one-liners, wise-cracks, verbal volleys and mixed metaphors, this book will have you chuckling throughout the season. "Mark Hughes is playing better and better, even if he's starting to look like a pigeon."Gianluca Vialli "Chelsea were a sausage, eggs and chips club before the foreign players arrived."Dennis Wise. "Wisey said I think too much. But I have to do all his thinking for him."Gianfranco Zola "With hindsight, it's easy to look at it with hindsight."Glenn Hoddle

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Author: Chelsea Handler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2009-12-29

Total Pages: 274

ISBN-13: 1416596364

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In a word: hilarious. . . . These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt--Laura Zigman, author of "Animal Husbandry."

My Horizontal Life
My Horizontal Life

Author: Chelsea Handler

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Published: 2013-04-30

Total Pages: 141

ISBN-13: 1455577529

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In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

I'm Only Here for the WiFi
I'm Only Here for the WiFi

Author: Chelsea Fagan

Publisher: Running Press Adult

Published: 2013-08-06

Total Pages: 194

ISBN-13: 0762449136

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Offers a humorous perspective on the life of a misplaced twenty-something, sharing advice on finding and keeping a job, making friends, and surviving adulthood.

Chelsea Girls
Chelsea Girls

Author: Eileen Myles

Publisher: HarperCollins

Published: 2015-09-29

Total Pages: 161

ISBN-13: 0062394673

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Available once again for a new generation of readers, the groundbreaking and candid coming-of-age novel in-real-time from one of America's most celebrated poets that is considered a cult classic. In this breathtakingly inventive autobiographical novel, Eileen Myles transforms life into a work of art. Told in her audacious voice, made vivid and immediate in her lyrical language, Chelsea Girls cobbles together memories of Myles’ 1960s Catholic upbringing with an alcoholic father, her volatile adolescence, her unabashed “lesbianity,” and her riotous pursuit of survival as a poet in 1970s New York. Suffused with alcohol, drugs, and sex; evocative in its depictions of the hardscrabble realities of a young artist’s life; and poignant with stories of love, humor, and discovery, Chelsea Girls is a funny, cool, and intimate account of a writer’s education, and a modern chronicle of how a young female writer shrugged off the chains of a rigid cultural identity meant to define her.

Fever Pitch
Fever Pitch

Author: Nick Hornby

Publisher: Penguin UK

Published: 2005-05-05

Total Pages: 229

ISBN-13: 0141926546

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*WINNER OF THE WILLIAM HILL SPORTS BOOK OF THE YEAR* Fever Pitch is Nick Hornby's million-copy-selling, award-winnning football classic 'A spanking 7-0 away win of a football book. . . inventive, honest, funny, heroic, charming' Independent For many people watching football is mere entertainment, to some it's more like a ritual; but to others, its highs and lows provide a narrative to life itself. But, for Nick Hornby, his devotion to the game has provided one of few constants in a life where the meaningful things - like growing up, leaving home and forming relationships, both parental and romantic - have rarely been as simple or as uncomplicated as his love for Arsenal. Brimming with wit and honesty, Fever Pitch, catches perfectly what it really means to be a football fan - and in doing so, what it means to be a man. 'Hornby has put his finger on truths that have been unspoken for generations' Irish Times 'Funny, wise and true' Roddy Doyle

Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me
Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

Author: Chelsea's Family, Friends, and Other Victims

Publisher: Borderline Amazing/A Chelsea Handler Book

Published: 2011-05-10

Total Pages: 174

ISBN-13: 1455504653

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A hilarious #1 bestselling collection of essays from those nearest and dearest to comedian Chelsea Handler--the people she's lied to. "My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate." -- Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.

Even Though I Don't Miss You
Even Though I Don't Miss You

Author: Chelsea Martin

Publisher:

Published: 2013

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9780989695008

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Poetry. Fiction. EVEN THOUGH I DON'T MISS YOU captures the essence of being part of a species that is prone to spending nights alone looking up photos of Heath Ledger's daughter and contemplating making pasta. Its seemingly arbitrary obsession with human evolution and many allusions to self-contempt make this book not only timeless and deeply moving, but one of those rare books to which you will develop a sickening dependence.

The Rise of Renegade X
The Rise of Renegade X

Author: Chelsea M. Campbell

Publisher:

Published: 2010

Total Pages: 353

ISBN-13: 1606840606

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Expecting to become a supervillain on his 16th birthday, Damien Locke, son of one of Golden City's most notorious supervillains, is horrified to discover that he may instead be destined to become a superhero.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

Author: Chelsea Handler

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Published: 2010-04-01

Total Pages: 139

ISBN-13: 0446563536

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In these personal essays, the hilarious comedian and Chelsea Lately host reflects on family, love life, and the absurdities of adulthood with "cheeky candor" and signature wit (Philadelphia Inquirer). Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good! Chelsea Handler on . . . Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."