Co-dependency—of which enabling is a major element—can and does exist in families where there is no chemical dependency. Angelyn Miller’s own experience is a dramatic example: neither she nor her husband drank, yet her family was floundering in that same dynamic. In spite of her best efforts to fix everything (and everyone), the turmoil continued until she discovered that helping wasn’t helping. Miller recounts how she learned to alter the way she responded to family crises and general neediness, forever breaking the cycle of co-dependency. Offering insights, practical techniques, and hope, she shows us how we can transform enabling relationships into healthy ones.
With more than 450,000 copies in print, When Helping Hurts is a paradigm-forming contemporary classic on the subject of poverty alleviation. Poverty is much more than simply a lack of material resources, and it takes much more than donations and handouts to solve it. When Helping Hurts shows how some alleviation efforts, failing to consider the complexities of poverty, have actually (and unintentionally) done more harm than good. But it looks ahead. It encourages us to see the dignity in everyone, to empower the materially poor, and to know that we are all uniquely needy—and that God in the gospel is reconciling all things to himself. Focusing on both North American and Majority World contexts, When Helping Hurts provides proven strategies for effective poverty alleviation, catalyzing the idea that sustainable change comes not from the outside in, but from the inside out.
Do you confuse being needed with being loved? Do you relate to others by taking care of them? Then you may be an enabler. The enabler protects others from the consequences of their actions. But by always taking responsibility for those around them, enablers hurt the very people they love most. This sensitive and insightful book, written by a recovered enabler, shows how enabling relationships can be transformed into healthy ones.
"Helping and giving are good but some types are unintentionally unhelpful and unhealthy. Unhealthy Helping contains psychology-based explanations and solutions for people who help and give in ways that are harmful to themselves, others, or their relationships. Psychology professor and Psychology Today blogger Shawn Meghan Burn explores codependent and dysfunctional helping and giving relationships, how to tell the difference between unhealthy and healthy helping and giving, the social and psychological sources of codependence and unhealthy helping and giving, and how even the best intentions can go unexpectedly wrong (and what to do about it). Unhealthy Helping will help you find that helping and giving sweet spot where your help is truly helpful and your giving is healthy for others, your relationships, and for you."--Back cover.
A guide for parents whose adult children have cut off contact that reveals the hidden logic of estrangement, explores its cultural causes, and offers practical advice for parents trying to reestablish contact with their adult children. “Finally, here’s a hopeful, comprehensive, and compassionate guide to navigating one of the most painful experiences for parents and their adult children alike.”—Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren. As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible. While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman's insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child.
"It is my feeling that debilitating shame and guilt are at the root of all dysfunctions in families,” says Jane Middelton-Moz. A few common characteristics of adults shamed in childhood: You may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. You don’t believe you make mistakes, you believe you are a mistake. You feel controlled from the outside and from within. You feel that normal spontaneous expression is blocked. You may suffer from debilitating guilt; you apologize constantly. You have little sense of emotional boundaries; you feel constantly violated by others; you frequently build false boundaries. If you see yourself in any of these characteristics, you can learn how shame keeps you from being the person you were born to be and how to change that. Shame And Guilt describes how debilitating shame is created and fostered in childhood and how it manifests itself in adulthood and in intimate relationships. Through the use of myths and fairytales to portray different shaming environments, Dr. Middelton-Moz allows you to reach the shamed child within you and to add clarity to what could be difficult concepts. Read Shame and Guilt — you’re worth it.
Many books have been written for those suffering from depression, but what if you're suffering becuase someone you love is depressed? Research shows that if you are close to a depressed person, you are at a much higher risk of developing problems yourself, including anxiety, phobias, and even a kind of contagious depression. In this authoritative and compassionate book, psychologists Laura Epstein Rosen and Cavier Francisco Amador explain the mechanisms of depression that can cause communication breakdown, increase hostility, and ultimately destroy relationships. Through compelling real-life stories and step-by-step advice, the authors teach concrete methods that you and your loved one can use to protect yourselves and your relationship from depression's impact. Drawing on their own innovative research, the give sensitive guidance about how to recognize your needs, how to provide the best kind of support, and how to encourage the depressed person to seek treatment. Whether you are the partner, parent, friend, or child of a depressed person, you'll find this book and invaluable companion in you journey back to health.
DISCOVER HOW TO EMPOWER YOURSELF TO STOP ENABLING YOUR ADULT CHILDREN AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AS YOU LEARN PRACTICAL STEPS TO STOP RESCUING This book will start you on your journey to stop enabling. If you just can't maintain boundaries with your adult child/children, and you find yourself constantly taken advantage of, then this book is for you. Discover the wealth of shared experience that can exist in a parent/adult child relationship that is not dominated by unrealistic expectations, manipulations and resentment. The goal is to empower you, as you understand the enabling cycle and then learn some very practical tools to help you stop. The enabling cycle can be challenged, and change will happen. Getting your power back in your life, and feeling the freedom of being in control of your decisions is an amazingly freeing process. It does however take work, and that is where this very practical book can get you started.You may find that your needs are constantly disregarded, while your adult child expects you to continually be there to pick up the pieces and rescue them again and again. It is time to learn HOW TO put firm boundaries in place in a calm and dignified manner.This book will help you see what lies are keeping you in your current stressful and unfulfilling situation. You will learn how to start the journey towards sharing a mutually fulfilling mature relationship with your adult child. Here Is A Preview Of What You'll Learn Understanding the Enabler or Rescuer How the Enabling Cycle Continues and Grows Boundaries Are Your Friend! Dignified Assertiveness The Importance of Individuation It's Not Cruel To Say 'No'! Changing Your Thinking (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) Practical Steps For Putting Your New Thinking and Boundaries Into Action Take action right away to start your empowering journey today by buying this book, "How To Stop Enabling Your Adult Children"
Grant Writing For Dummies, 3rd Edition serves as a one-stop reference for readers who are new to the grant writing process or who have applied for grants in the past but had difficulties. It offers 25 percent new and revised material covering the latest changes to the grant writing process as well as a listing of where to apply for grants. Grant writers will find: The latest language, terms, and phrases to use on the job or in proposals. Ways to target the best websites to upload and download the latest and user-friendly application forms and writing guidelines. Major expansion on the peer review process and how it helps improve one's grant writing skills and successes. One-stop funding websites, and state agencies that publish grant funding opportunity announcements for seekers who struggle to find opportunities. New to third edition.
Mothers of addicted and alcoholic children share a deep connection—one that is rarely understood by anyone who hasn’t experienced a similar path. Sharing our perspectives helps us all grow stronger, together. These meditations continue the tradition of Hazelden’s beloved series of daily readings by providing moments of recognition, confession, and healing for those who are realizing that recovery rarely follows a neat or comfortable path. Along the way, we plant beautiful roses only to be injured by their thorns, and we pull up unwanted dandelions that, at times, are our only source of wishes. By sharing the realities we never expected our families to face, mothers of addicted children support each other through experiences that can only be feared and imagined by others. From our shared struggles emerge opportunities for personal growth. Tending Dandelions is a vital source of wisdom, support, and strength that helps us begin our own journey of recovery. “We all need to take a closer look at the things we’ve avoided—the things lurking around in this place where love and addiction meet—so we’re as strong as we can be.” —Sandra Swenson, author of Tending Dandelions
