The Blacker the Robot the Moister the Oyster

The Blacker the Robot the Moister the Oyster

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher:

Published: 2017-02-22

Total Pages: 98

ISBN-13: 9781543263169

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The riveting saga continues! Holly wakes up in a dirt person motel in the middle of nowhere with her runaway Obamacare Sex Robot, half-naked, sweaty with bliss. The night before she'd taken it to new levels. But now she has serious misgivings. She thought she was doing the right thing by stealing the robot away from her criminally sex-crazed husband Bradley, but now the entire country is after her with pitchforks 'n tazers. The police are after her. The army is after her. The Obamacare Death Panels are after her. Fatass Bethany is after her with her weird, fluffy albino pimp friend. Things really heat up when Holly and her Bama-Bot 2000 take a cool, relaxing swim in a high-risk pool in the woods. Soon the water is boiling around them with pleasure and a love that daresn't speak its name. (I'm talking what happens when bodies start slapping, people.) And then things heat up even hotter than that when the Death Panel Goons surround Holly and her new electronic lover, threatening everything just when she's decided her life is finally back on track. In the waning days of the Obama administration, things are really heating up for young female, woman, girl-conservative Holly McQuerty and her runaway pleasure robot that looks suspiciously like our 44th president, and if she's not careful, she just may get woke something fierce in the process. And that goes for you too, Sissy McSnowflake. Trigger warning: Doppelg�nger fingerbangers.


I Don't Care If My Best Friend's Mom Is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her

I Don't Care If My Best Friend's Mom Is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher: The Dishes Are Done, Man!

Published: 2014-11-07

Total Pages: 64

ISBN-13:

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Life for Jason is one wild experience after another. But then one night he has a chance encounter with a person he thought was but a distant memory. The meeting dredges up a long-forgotten mystery, and suddenly he is trapped on a roller coaster of mystery, danger and wildness—more wildness than he ever knew existed! Now he is on the run with his star-crossed lover. Will they reach a shower in time, or will the natural heat that burns within her consume them both? Will his beautiful, bestial, furry lover tear him to pieces with her giant claws in a lusty rage? Or will she tenderly lather him up, rinse and clean his naked, muscular and strong (for a human) body with scented soaps in a ritual of her people going back thousands of generations in a shower appropriately large enough to fit him and the mysterious, yet tender and svelte creature together? Find out the answers to these questions only in this seriously wild, hot and bothered new novella from writer Lacey Noonan.


Young House Love

Young House Love

Author: Sherry Petersik

Publisher: Artisan

Published: 2015-07-14

Total Pages: 337

ISBN-13: 1579656765

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This New York Times bestselling book is filled with hundreds of fun, deceptively simple, budget-friendly ideas for sprucing up your home. With two home renovations under their (tool) belts and millions of hits per month on their blog YoungHouseLove.com, Sherry and John Petersik are home-improvement enthusiasts primed to pass on a slew of projects, tricks, and techniques to do-it-yourselfers of all levels. Packed with 243 tips and ideas—both classic and unexpected—and more than 400 photographs and illustrations, this is a book that readers will return to again and again for the creative projects and easy-to-follow instructions in the relatable voice the Petersiks are known for. Learn to trick out a thrift-store mirror, spice up plain old roller shades, "hack" your Ikea table to create three distinct looks, and so much more.


A Gronking to Remember 2

A Gronking to Remember 2

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher: The Dishes Are Done, Man!

Published: 2015-02-02

Total Pages: 93

ISBN-13:

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Leigh has a serious problem. And it’s the sick, twisted pervert who’s kidnapped her for his own pleasure! Chad! When Leigh spurns his advances at a party he throws in her honor, Chad goes haywire and kidnaps her, stealing her away to his personal New England Patriots Shangri-La, a secret Man Cave hundreds of feet below sea level he affectionately calls his “Chadmiral’s Quarters.” Leigh awakens to a strange NFL-and-BDSM-infused nightmare. Chad is obviously off the deep end with lust for her, and while naked, Leigh is tantalized to see he is a very built and attractive man. But now that Chad has her in his grasp he has some very “unique” ideas about how they should spend their time together. He’s going to teach Leigh, this “Touchdown Queen,” about a side of Gronk she’s never experienced before... whether she want to learn it or not! It is a lesson that will make Leigh squirm with pain and with pleasure. Leigh cries out! But is it with ecstasy she cries out? Is she starting to like what Chad has to offer? Complicating things? With Dan? With Gronk? With her etsy store? With her very soul? Really, how many times in life has the sequel been better than the original? Well, let me tell you: THIS is one of those times. “A Gronking to Remember 2: Chad Goes Deep in the Neutral Zone” is so dark and twisted, so devious, so hot and thought-provoking, so full of plot twists and surprises, it makes the first book in the series, the best-selling “A Gronking to Remember,” look like A PIECE OF SHIT. So read what everyone is talking about. The saga continues! And have no reservations: “Chad Goes Deep in the Neutral Zone” is no sophomore slump… It is a verified sophomore SLAM. Warning: Contains some sexually graphic scenes as well as the misuse of American footballs that will leave you wet, hard and everything in between. Sports (Part Deux)!


Dark Desires

Dark Desires

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher: The Dishes Are Done, Man!

Published: 2016-10-24

Total Pages: 69

ISBN-13:

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What has the world come to? Like many hardworking Americans, Holly and Brad McQuerty's lives have become living nightmares under President Obama's reign: high taxes, the housing crisis he’d caused thanks to the welfare state, gay weddings, the fiascos in Iraq and Benghazi, ISIS, NAFTA, all that climate change mumbo-jumbo, and worst of all: Obamacare—aka The Affordable Care Act—with its Death Panels, enforced premiums and Sex Robots. That's right: OBAMACARE SEX ROBOTS... Sexy cyborgs made by the government to "help" people in times of "need." But do they really help us, or are they here to tear the fabric of America apart boner by aching boner, nipple by tweaked nipple, butt by savaged butt? Holly and Brad are young conservatives and want no part of this bold new future. But one fateful day, Holly catches her husband getting hot and sweaty with one of the devices and soon their lives are changed forever. In a tizzy, Holly runs away with the robot and is chased by everyone: her husband, the police, shady government officials. There seems to be something else going on too, besides one woman and one Kenyan-American robot, on the lam, discovering their bodies and themselves, satiating their dark desires in SUV's and hotel rooms across Connecticut. Big things are happening—history is happening—a history someone or something doesn't want Holly to find out about. In the waning days of the Obama Administration, events are starting to take a dark turn. How deep does the rabbit hole go? How deep does the sheep hole go? Find out the sheep hole's deepness in this seriously hot, dark and sexy new series of thrillers from author Lacey Noonan: "My Obamacare Nightmare," available in ebook and paperback. Trigger Warning: Doppleganger Fingerbangers


City of Iron and Dust

City of Iron and Dust

Author: J.P. Oakes

Publisher: Titan Books (US, CA)

Published: 2021-07-06

Total Pages: 400

ISBN-13: 1789097118

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Fast-paced and razor-sharp dark fantasy for readers of Nicholas Eames, Anna Smith Spark and Robert Jackson Bennett "A fantastic book, full of wit and sharp humor, City of Iron and Dust careens through a modernized faerie at a breakneck pace, full of verve and unforgettable characters. Oakes spins a smart, electric, and sometimes snarky tale, showing that the beating heart of modern fantasy is alive and well." – John Hornor Jacobs, author of A Lush and Seething Hell and The Incorruptibles The Iron City is a prison, a maze, an industrial blight. It is the result of a war that saw the goblins grind the fae beneath their collective boot heels. And tonight, it is also a city that churns with life. Tonight, a young fae is trying to make his fortune one drug deal at a time; a goblin princess is searching for a path between her own dreams and others’ expectations; her bodyguard is deciding who to kill first; an artist is hunting for his own voice; an old soldier is starting a new revolution; a young rebel is finding fresh ways to fight; and an old goblin is dreaming of reclaiming her power over them all. Tonight, all their stories are twisting together, wrapped up around a single bag of Dust—the only drug that can still fuel fae magic—and its fate and theirs will change the Iron City forever.


Of Lamb

Of Lamb

Author: Matthea Harvey

Publisher: McSweeney's

Published: 2011

Total Pages: 120

ISBN-13: 9781934781814

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In this version of the children's nursery rhyme, Lamb and Mary fall in love. Then Mary has second thoughts. Lamb is a lamb, after all, not a man. Lamb, heartbroken, turns to drinking. Lamb goes to a madhouse. Mary buries her feelings. And then somehow, Lamb pulls it together. He leaves the madhouse mature--saddened but more dignified, ready for another chance to win Mary's heart, if she will have him. Award-winning poet Matthea Harvey offers a story told in short packets of verse, and artist Amy Jean Porter brings each stanza vividly to life with her eye-popping illustrations.


Rock Stars on the Record

Rock Stars on the Record

Author: Eric Spitznagel

Publisher: Diversion Books

Published: 2021-02-23

Total Pages: 325

ISBN-13: 1635767156

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An all-star lineup of rock-n-rollers relay the uproariously wild, sentimental, and unexpected pre-stardom stories behind their favorite records. Rock Stars on the Record is a collection of first-hand tales by artists of all ages, backgrounds, and musical influences, remembering the meaning behind the records that mattered most to them. From Laura Jane Grace to Ian MacKaye, Don McLean to Cherie Currie, Alice Bag to Mac DeMarco, Perry Farrell to Suzi Quatro and Verdine White, and many more, bestselling author Eric Spitznagel talks to rock stars across the sonic spectrum about the albums that changed them in ways only music can change someone. Everyone’s most cherished childhood record―be it a battered piece of vinyl, torn cassette tape, or scratched CD―has a story, and those stories can be more revealing about their owners than you might expect. Read about how “Weird Al” Yankovic refined his accordion skills by playing along to Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, or how Fishbone’s Angelo Moore saved his life with a boombox and a Bad Brains album. Or about how Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman of Prince’s longtime band, The Revolution, fell in love while trading mixtapes. Each profile is more emotional, fascinating, and hilarious than the last. So place that needle in the groove, and prepare to hear something revelatory from your favorite rockers past and present. “Absolutely fascinating. It’s hard to believe that no one has done this before, but now that I’ve read it, it seems totally obvious―except that most journalists wouldn’t be able to get people to talk so openly and compellingly about something that, to an artist, may feel very private. I know these great musicians and their music better now. Thank you, Eric.” —Daniel J. Levitin, bestselling author of This Is Your Brain on Music, professor of Neuroscience and Music at McGill University in Montreal “In asking a slew of rock stars about the record that changed their lives, Eric Spitznagel also ferrets out fascinating backstories and unexpected anecdotes. Who knew that Tommy Roe’s granddaughter calls him ‘the Justin Bieber of the ‘60s’? Or that Perry Farrell entertained his older siblings’ friends’ by dancing the Hully Gully at their parties? Rock Stars on the Record is so much fun, and more illuminating that you’d expect.” —Caroline Sullivan, author of Bye Bye Baby: My Tragic Love Affair with the Bay City Rollers


Jottings from a Far Away Place

Jottings from a Far Away Place

Author: Brendan Connell

Publisher:

Published: 2015-12-01

Total Pages: 156

ISBN-13: 9781943813018

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Ranging on the fringes of imagination and erudition, forming a mosaic of stories, maxims and sketches, at once fragmentary and cumulative, Jottings from a Far Away Place combines the timeless, mannered assurance of the Eastern discursive essay with the experimentation of the Western avant-garde. As the focus shifts between fantastic tales and studies of viciousness, the reader is treated to, among myriad other things, the adventures of a Taoist guitar player, a bloody episode with Countess de Bathory, a recipe for cinnabar sauce, and the story of a man who has been reincarnated as a spoon. A book that is like a collection of bulletins from the world of dreams."