The Best Ever Book of Texans' Fan Jokes

The Best Ever Book of Texans' Fan Jokes

Author: Mark Geoffrey Young

Publisher: CreateSpace

Published: 2012-01-05

Total Pages: 106

ISBN-13: 9781468178159

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If you've ever heard a Jewish, Italian, Irish, Libyan, Catholic, Mexican, Norwegian, or an Essex Girl, Newfie, Mother-in-Law, or joke aimed at a minority, this book of Texans' Fan jokes is for you. In this not-so-original book, The Best Ever Book of Texans' Fan Jokes; Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who, Mark Young takes a whole lot of tired, worn out jokes and makes them funny again. The Best Ever Book of Texans' Fan Jokes is so unoriginal, it's original. And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Texans' Fan joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Texans' Fan jokes, you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Texans' Fan s wear slip-on shoes? You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. *** An evil genie captured a Texans' Fan and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off. The Texans' Fan brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window! *** Did you hear about the Texans' Fan who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats." *** Why do Texans' Fan s laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it. ***


The Truth (with jokes)

The Truth (with jokes)

Author: Al Franken

Publisher: Penguin

Published: 2005-10-25

Total Pages: 347

ISBN-13: 1101213337

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The #1 New York Times bestseller by Senator Al Franken, author of Giant of the Senate Senator Al Franken’s landmark bestseller, Lies (And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them): A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, was praised as a “bitterly funny assault” (The New York Times) that rang “with the moral clarity of an angel’s trumpet” (The Associated Press). Now, this master of political humor strikes again with a powerful and provocative message for all of us. In these pages, Senator Franken reveals the alarming story of how: • Bush (barely) beat Kerry with his campaign of “fear, smear, and queers,” and then claimed a nonexistent mandate. • “Casino Jack” Abramoff, the Republicans’ nearest and dearest friend, made millions of dollars off of the unspeakable misery of the poor and the powerless. And, also, Native Americans. • The administration successfully implemented its strategy to destroy America’s credibility and goodwill around the world. Complete with new material for this paperback edition, The Truth (with jokes) is more than just entertaining, intelligent, and insightful. It is at once prescient in its analysis of right-wing mendacity and incompetence, and inspiring in its vision of a better tomorrow for all Americans (except Jack Abramoff).


The Most Ginormous Joke Book Ever

The Most Ginormous Joke Book Ever

Author: Cider Mill Press

Publisher: Applesauce Press

Published: 2024-07-15

Total Pages: 529

ISBN-13: 1400340799

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"From silly wordplay to treacherous tongue twisters, this humongous book has something for every kind of jokester. Never get tired of the same old jokes again. Jam packed with thousands of the funniest jokes, these goofy gags will have kids rolling on the floor with laughter." --


League of Denial

League of Denial

Author: Mark Fainaru-Wada

Publisher: Crown

Published: 2014-08-26

Total Pages: 457

ISBN-13: 0770437567

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The story of how the NFL, over a period of nearly two decades, denied and sought to cover up mounting evidence of the connection between football and brain damage “League of Denial may turn out to be the most influential sports-related book of our time.”—The Boston Globe “Professional football players do not sustain frequent repetitive blows to the brain on a regular basis.” So concluded the National Football League in a December 2005 scientific paper on concussions in America’s most popular sport. That judgment, implausible even to a casual fan, also contradicted the opinion of a growing cadre of neuroscientists who worked in vain to convince the NFL that it was facing a deadly new scourge: a chronic brain disease that was driving an alarming number of players—including some of the all-time greats—to madness. In League of Denial, award-winning ESPN investigative reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Steve Fainaru tell the story of a public health crisis that emerged from the playing fields of our twenty-first-century pastime. Everyone knows that football is violent and dangerous. But what the players who built the NFL into a $10 billion industry didn’t know—and what the league sought to shield from them—is that no amount of padding could protect the human brain from the force generated by modern football, that the very essence of the game could be exposing these players to brain damage. In a fast-paced narrative that moves between the NFL trenches, America’s research labs, and the boardrooms where the NFL went to war against science, League of Denial examines how the league used its power and resources to attack independent scientists and elevate its own flawed research—a campaign with echoes of Big Tobacco’s fight to deny the connection between smoking and lung cancer. It chronicles the tragic fates of players like Hall of Fame Pittsburgh Steelers center Mike Webster, who was so disturbed at the time of his death he fantasized about shooting NFL executives, and former San Diego Chargers great Junior Seau, whose diseased brain became the target of an unseemly scientific battle between researchers and the NFL. Based on exclusive interviews, previously undisclosed documents, and private emails, this is the story of what the NFL knew and when it knew it—questions at the heart of a crisis that threatens football, from the highest levels all the way down to Pop Warner.


The Cowgirl's Guide to Life

The Cowgirl's Guide to Life

Author: Gladiola Montana

Publisher: Gibbs Smith

Published: 2019-03-05

Total Pages: 488

ISBN-13: 1423651715

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Straight talk from the lassoin’ lady—from knowing the best time to hold your tongue to using the right bait when you’re fishing for compliments. This sassy cowgirl and her sidekick cowboy partner capture the feminine perspective on life. This common-sense wisdom in humorous form is all about living and loving. Women will laugh about it—from the boardroom to the suburban book club. Gems include: “It is better to be a widower’s second wife than his first.” “If you’re fixin’ to get yourself a good stallion, don’t go lookin’ in the donkey corral.” “High steppers give bumpy rides.” “If you’ve done it, it ain’t braggin’.” “Always say ‘please’ when you tell somebody to shut up.”


Ten-Gallon War

Ten-Gallon War

Author: John Eisenberg

Publisher: HMH

Published: 2012-10-02

Total Pages: 333

ISBN-13: 0547607814

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“It’s every bit as fascinating to read about the battles between the Cowboys and the Texans as it is to follow today’s never-ending NFL dramas.” —Mike Florio, ProFootballTalk In the 1960s, on the heels of the “Greatest Game Ever Played,” professional football began to flourish across the country—except in Texas, where college football was still the only game in town. But in an unlikely series of events, two young oil tycoons started their own professional football franchises in Dallas the very same year: the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys, and, as part of a new upstart league designed to thwart the NFL’s hold on the game, the Dallas Texans of the AFL. Almost overnight, a bitter feud was born. The team owners, Lamar Hunt and Clint Murchison, became Mad Men of the gridiron, locked in a battle for the hearts and minds of the Texas pigskin faithful. Their teams took each other to court, fought over players, undermined each other’s promotions, and rooted like hell for the other guys to fail. A true visionary, Hunt of the Texans focused on the fans, putting together a team of local legends and hiring attractive women to drive around town in red convertibles selling tickets. Meanwhile, Murchison and his Cowboys focused on the game, hiring a young star, Tom Landry, in what would be his first-ever year as a head coach, and concentrating on holding their own against the more established teams in the NFL. Ultimately, both teams won the battle, but only one got to stay in Dallas and go on to become one of sports’ most quintessential franchises—”America’s Team.” In this highly entertaining narrative, rich in colorful characters and unforgettable stunts, Eisenberg recounts the story of the birth of pro-football in Dallas—back when the game began to be part of this country’s DNA.


Echoes of Texas Football

Echoes of Texas Football

Author: Triumph Books

Publisher: Triumph Books

Published: 2006-09

Total Pages: 157

ISBN-13: 1617490466

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With the popularity of Texas football across the country at its height, this account" "details the roots of the Longhorns' glory, their modern-day triumphs, and everything in between for the legions of Texas fans everywhere. The book goes back in time to the early years of Texas football and traces its footsteps to becoming a powerhouse on the college football scene, recounting the greatest moments in the team's lore and covering the intense rivalries with Oklahoma and Texas A&M.


Furiously Happy

Furiously Happy

Author: Jenny Lawson

Publisher: Picador

Published: 2015-10-01

Total Pages: 315

ISBN-13: 1743540256

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For fans of David Sedaris, Tina Fey and Caitlin Moran comes the new book from Jenny Lawson, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Let's Pretend This Never Happened... In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Jenny Lawson regaled readers with uproarious stories of her bizarre childhood. In her new book, Furiously Happy, she explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. And terrible ideas are what Jenny does best. As Jenny says: "You can't experience pain without also experiencing the baffling and ridiculous moments of being fiercely, unapologetically, intensely and (above all) furiously happy." It's a philosophy that has - quite literally - saved her life. Jenny's first book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, was ostensibly about family, but deep down it was about celebrating your own weirdness. Furiously Happy is a book about mental illness, but under the surface it's about embracing joy in fantastic and outrageous ways. And who doesn't need a bit more of that?


The Facts of Life

The Facts of Life

Author: Willie Nelson

Publisher: Random House

Published: 2009-03-12

Total Pages: 250

ISBN-13: 0307523209

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If you had to give America a voice, it’s been said more than once, that voice would be Willie Nelson’s. For more than fifty years, he’s taken the stuff of his life-the good and the bad-and made from it a body of work that has become a permanent part of our musical heritage and kept us company through the good and the bad of our own lives. Long before he became famous as a performer, Willie Nelson was known as a songwriter, keeping his young family afloat by writing songs-like “Crazy”-that other people turned into hits. So it’s fitting, and cause for celebration, that he has finally set down in his own words, a book that does justice to his great gifts as a storyteller. In The Facts of Life, Willie Nelson reflects on what has mattered to him in life and what hasn’t. He also tells some great dirty jokes. The result is a book as wise and hilarious as its author. It’s not meant to be taken seriously as an instruction manual for living-but you could do a lot worse.


Enemies

Enemies

Author: Tijan

Publisher: Entangled: Amara

Published: 2024-09-03

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 1649377762

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Stone Reeves was my neighbor, and I’ve hated him since sixth grade. Gorgeous and charismatic, he became the town’s football god, while I became the town’s invisible girl. He went to a Division 1 school for football, while my father was fired by his father. His team won the National Championship, while my mother died the same day. He was a first round pick for the NFL ... ... while I made the worst decision of my life. Now I’m in Texas trying to pick up the pieces of my life. But, Stone is here. Stone is everywhere. It doesn’t matter that disaster has struck my life again. It doesn’t matter that he’s the one trying to console me. It doesn’t matter that he’s the nation’s newest football obsession. Because for me, he always has been and always will be my enemy.