If you've ever heard a Jewish, Italian, Irish, Libyan, Catholic, Mexican, Norwegian, or an Essex Girl, Newfie, Mother-in-Law, or joke aimed at a minority, this book of Eagles' Fan jokes is for you. In this not-so-original book, The Best Ever Book of Eagles' Fan Jokes; Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who, Mark Young takes a whole lot of tired, worn out jokes and makes them funny again. The Best Ever Book of Eagles' Fan Jokes is so unoriginal, it's original. And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Eagles' Fan joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Eagles' Fan jokes, you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Eagles' Fan s wear slip-on shoes? You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. *** An evil genie captured an Eagles' Fan and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off. The Eagles' Fan brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window! *** Did you hear about the Eagles' Fan who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats." *** Why do Eagles' Fan s laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it. ***
Here are hundreds of hilarious jokes, especially for those who believe that they belong in the esteemed Hogwarts House of Hufflepuff (not Gryffindor, not Ravenclaw, and certainly not Slytherin) Here are hundreds of hilarious jokes from the Harry Potter world for every muggle, wizard, and squib. The Pottermore website allows Harry Potter fans everywhere to be sorted into the house that’s right for them, and now loyal Hufflepuffs everywhere can find themselves in The Unofficial Harry Potter Jokes Book: Howling Hilarity for Hufflepuff. This fourth book will continue the silly jokes, funny art, and hilarious one-liners specific to the most underrated house of all, and to the wider wizard world. Jokes include clever lines such as: At least at first, did Cedric like being in the Triwizard Tournament? Yeah, he could really Diggory it! What does a Hufflepuff do after a wand duel? He huffs and puffs! What kind of cereal do they serve at Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs. Why did Professor Sprout take the Herbology job? She wanted to get back to her roots. Knock-knock…Who’s there? Tonks. Tonks who? Tonks a lot! Featuring hundreds of jokes and fifty fantastic illustrations, this joke book provides endless amounts of fun for readers and fans of the bestselling series
Your favorite Gryffindor guffaws, stupefying shenanigans, Hufflepuff hilarity, and Riddikulus Ravenclaw riddles, all in one place! You won’t need the tickling charm after reading this collection! This fantastical box set contains all four of the Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Books: Great Guffaws for Gryffindor Stupefying Shenanigans for Slytherin Howling Hilarity for Hufflepuff Raucous Jokes and Riddikulus Riddles for Ravenclaw From Dumbledore to Umbridge, from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade, from Harry Potter to Draco Malfoy, every aspect of the Harry Potter universe is contained in these four fantastic books. One-liners, quips, and wisecracks will have you and your friends and family spellbound. So Accio this box set and crack up at the wizard world! Featuring hundreds of jokes and more than fifty fantastic illustrations, each joke book provides endless amounts of fun and clean humor for readers and fans of the bestselling series.
This compilation of espionage humor is based on the author's thirty-three years with the CIA as an analyst, operations officer, and manager. Practical jokes, comical essays, poems, bloopers from performance-appraisal reports, and more are all included.
Whenever you need an amusing story to hold attention, drive home a point in speech making to enliven conversation, or to read just for fun, the more than 4,100 peppery, bubbling stories in this volume will satisfy every demand. All are arranged alphabetically under subject. The index and cross-index makes it possible to locate the right story quickly. The range of this volume is far and wide. The stories are about people in all walks of life. All of them are wholesome and clean. And what is more, you will want to remember and retell these stories. Drawn from the vagaries, the foibles, and the peculiarities of human nature, they provide countless chuckles from many different locales. The ENCYCLOPEDIA of WIT, HUMOR and WISDOM is indispensable for public speakers, toastmasters, lawyers, ministers, educators, writers, salesmen, and those who love a good laugh.
A New York Times bestseller, The Silver Linings Playbook was adapted into the Oscar-winning movie starring Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. It tells the riotous and poignant story of how one man regains his memory and comes to terms with the magnitude of his wife's betrayal. During the years he spends in a neural health facility, Pat Peoples formulates a theory about silver linings: he believes his life is a movie produced by God, his mission is to become physically fit and emotionally supportive, and his happy ending will be the return of his estranged wife, Nikki. When Pat goes to live with his parents, everything seems changed: no one will talk to him about Nikki; his old friends are saddled with families; the Philadelphia Eagles keep losing, making his father moody; and his new therapist seems to be recommending adultery as a form of therapy. When Pat meets the tragically widowed and clinically depressed Tiffany, she offers to act as a liaison between him and his wife, if only he will give up watching football, agree to perform in this year's Dance Away Depression competition, and promise not to tell anyone about their "contract." All the while, Pat keeps searching for his silver lining. In this brilliantly written debut novel, Matthew Quick takes us inside Pat's mind, deftly showing us the world from his distorted yet endearing perspective. The result is a touching and funny story that helps us look at both depression and love in a wonderfully refreshing way.
When it comes to sports talk, no city has more to say than Philadelphia. With their 2007 The Great Book of Philadelphia Sports Lists, WIP sports radio hosts Glen Macnow and Big Daddy Graham compiled dozens of sports lists to stir up dialog and debate within the buzzing Philadelphia sports community (and beyond). A lot has happened in Philly sports since 2007 -- the Phillies' 2008 World Series win; the Eagles' record-breaking 2017 season, now-famous Philly Special play, and Super Bowl LII victory over the Patriots; the Sixers' "Trust the Process" campaign; and, of course, Gritty -- so now Glen and Big Daddy are back with dozens of new lists to keep the conversation fresh, ranking things like: The most overrated and underrated players in Philly sports history The top 10 Philadelphia sports quotes The 10 worst Eagles draft picks ever The greatest duos in Philly sports history The 10 best sports movies set in Philadelphia The worst bosses in Philly sports history and much more!
Born and raised in Eagles country, Tom McAllister learns from his father and brother the rules of being a football fan. Spending Sundays in the infamous 700 level of Veterans Stadium, or sitting in front of the TV with his father in a nearby recliner, Tom sees both the ugly and beautiful sides of Philadelphia football. Like all true Philadelphians, he connects with the players. From icons Chuck Bednarik and Steve Van Buren to modern-day greats Randall Cunningham, Donovan McNabb, and Brian Dawkins and controversial stars such as Terrell Owens, the Eagles players become a part of McAllister’s life. Watching them every Sunday, he tries to develop his own identity as a fan. Torn between his father’s calm and levelheaded fandom and the rowdy, profane, and violent crowds of Philadelphia legend, Tom struggles to achieve balance. As a rabid Eagles fan, Tom McAllister experiences plenty of defeats and disappointments, but his biggest challenge is coping with the premature loss of his father to cancer. In Bury Me in My Jersey, McAllister explores the connection between his dedication to the Eagles and the death of his father. He details the intense bonds—between fathers and sons, among friends, and even between a city and its football team—and chronicles the joys and sorrows, victories and failures, of a lifetime of sports obsession. Any fan can relate: Tom drinks to excess, spends countless hours every week posting to an online Eagles message board, and spies on players in the fruit aisle of the supermarket. Without the example of his father to guide him, Tom often finds himself stumbling off track. But it is his girlfriend and eventual wife, LauraBeth, who keeps him grounded as he matures into adulthood. A touching, funny, beautifully crafted memoir, Bury Me in My Jersey is not only a marvelous tribute to a father, a way of life, and a team and its devoted followers but also a love letter to the city of Philadelphia.
Meet Johnny Anonymous. No, that’s not his real name. But he is a real, honest-to-goodness pro football player. A member of the League. A slave, if you will, to the NFL. For the millions of you out there who wouldn’t know what to do on Sundays if there wasn’t football, who can’t imagine life without the crunch of helmets ringing in your ears, or who look forward to the Super Bowl more than your birthday, Johnny Anonymous decided to tell his story. Written during the 2014–2015 season, this is a year in the life of the National Football League. This is a year in the life of a player—not a marquee name, but a guy on the roster—gutting it out through training camp up to the end of the season, wondering every minute if he’s going to get playing time or get cut. Do you want to know how players destroy their bodies and their colons to make weight? Do you wonder what kind of class and racial divides really exist in NFL locker rooms? Do you want to know what NFL players and teams really think about gay athletes or how the League is really dealing with crime and violence against women by its own players? Do you wonder about the psychological warfare between players and coaches on and off the field? About how much time players spend on Tinder or sexting when not on the field? About how star players degrade or humiliate second- and third-string players? What players do about the headaches and memory loss that appear after every single game? This book will tell you all of this and so much more. Johnny Anonymous holds nothing back in this whip-smart commentary that only an insider, and a current player, could bring. Part truth-telling personal narrative, part darkly funny exposé, NFL Confidential gives football fans a look into a world they’d give anything to see, and nonfans a wild ride through the strange, quirky, and sometimes disturbing realities of America’s favorite game. Here is a truly unaffiliated look at the business, guts, and glory of the game, all from the perspective of an underdog who surprises everyone—especially himself. JOHNNY ANONYMOUS is a four-year offensive lineman for the NFL. Under another pseudonym, he’s also a contributor for the comedy powerhouse Funny Or Die. You can pretty much break NFL players down into three categories. Twenty percent do it because they’re true believers. They’re smart enough to do something else if they wanted, and the money is nice and all, but really they just love football. They love it, they live it, they believe in it, it’s their creed. They would be nothing without it. Hell, they’d probably pay the League to play if they had to! These guys are obviously psychotic. Thirty percent of them do it just for the money. So they could do something else—sales, desk jockey, accountant, whatever—but they play football because the money is just so damn good. And it is good. And last of all, 49.99 percent play football because, frankly, it’s the only thing they know how to do. Even if they wanted to do something “normal,” they couldn’t. All they’ve ever done in their lives is play football—it was their way out, either of the hood or the deep woods country. They need football. If football didn’t exist, they’d be homeless, in a gang, or maybe in prison. Then there’s me. I’m part of my own little weird minority, that final 0.01 percent. We’re such a minority, we don’t even count as a category. We’re the professional football players who flat-out hate professional football.
