Enjoy this humorous Christmas cozy mystery with a fashionable amateur sleuth and rom-com elements by national bestselling author Diane Vallere. Nacre Bleu! Amateur sleuth Samantha Kidd's life is finally on track. It's her normally cultured friend Cat whose life has lost its luster: eight months pregnant and abandoned by her husband the week before Christmas. She ropes Samantha into helping at her boutique, but a string of jewelry thefts threatens her business. And when Cat's husband is found strangled with pearls inside the shop, the last thing she's concerned with is profit. Samantha tries to get a bead on the killer, but when the suspects all clam up, she's left in knots. Add in an unexpected proposal, a flirtatious friend, and a brand new detective, and this is bound to be Samantha's wildest adventure yet. Get tangled up in Pearls Gone Wild today! Pearls Gone Wild is the sixth book in the humorous Killer Fashion cozy mystery series, though each book can be read as a standalone. For fans of Kristen Weiss, Harper Lin, and Olivia Blacke, if you like determined sleuths, romantic drama, and hilarious circumstances, then you’ll love Diane Vallere’s zany mystery. Diane-Fans describe “her vintage Vallere goodness,” and say she is a “great storyteller” with “a way with creating strong female characters and intrigue” who is “a superb and very humorous writer.” Her gift of creating “spunky sleuths in fun settings” take readers to Dallas, Palm Springs, Los Angeles, Pennsylvania, and outer space.
Chock-full of jokes and entertaining twists of the tongue, this lighthearted but scholarly guide to humorous language is a sure?re hit with word lovers. The examples are entertainingly bawdy, with a delightful narrative voice in word sleuth and author, Jim Bernhard. He provides examples and puzzles, teaching a smidgen of historical and etymological scholarship, but above all, amusing his audience. Puns from Greek dramatists, Shakespeare, the Bible, George S. Kaufman, and Groucho Marx vie for attention with comical spoonerisms, droll malapropisms, witty anagrams, and humorous palindromes—plus original material by the author—including limericks, clerihews, crossword puzzles, acrostic puzzles, tonguetwisters, and other kinds of word play. Some examples: Why does a match box? Because it sees a tin can. Time ?ies like an arrow. Fruit ?ies like a banana. The pony was unable to talk because he was a little hoarse. Two peanuts went into a bar. One was a salted. The chicken that crossed the road was pure poultry in motion. As the gardener said when asked why he was cutting grass with a pair of scissors: “That’s all there is; there isn’t any mower.”
But why do stories like these find such media traffic, exploiting parents' worst fears? How do these rumors get started, and how do they travel around the country and even across the globe? In Kids Gone Wild, best-selling authors Joel Best and Kathleen A. Bogle use these stories about the fears of the growing sexualization of childhood to explore what we know about contemporary legends and how both traditional media and the internet perpetuate these rumors while, at times, debating their authenticity. Best and Bogle describe the process by which such stories spread, trace how and to where they have moved, and track how they can morph as they travel from one medium to another. Ultimately, they find that our society's view of kids raging out of control has drastic and unforeseen consequences, fueling the debate on sex education and affecting policy decisions on everything from the availability of the morning after pill to who is included on sex offender registries.
Chattanooga, Tennessee today is not the same town it was in the nineteen forties through the mid-eighties. Protected by a corrupt and self-serving local government, her masters fattened themselves on illegal enterprise. In this one book you have biography, treachery, and underworld intrigue. You have murder, and attempts at murder. You have innocence accused, and guilt unpunished. You have luxury, power, and privilege with their hands on all the strings. You have white lightning and whiskey runners, colorful whores, one great barroom brawl, and gunfights with such playbills as Cowboy Bob and the Shootout at The Fuzzy Duck. You have all the stuff of fiction, without the burden of a lie, all the benefit of great theatre, without having to leave your favorite chair. The best part of it is, it's all true. Down to the five o'clock shadow on the policemen dressed like prostitutes.
Enjoy this box set bundle of the second three humorous cozy Killer Fashion mysteries with an amateur sleuth, fair-play whodunit puzzle plots, and romcom elements by national bestselling author Diane Vallere. Follow Samantha Kidd as she gets a job and some financial security—only to find that there are still plenty of mysteries afoot that need solving. This set includes: SOME LIKE IT HAUTE Samantha Kidd’s love life is on ice. After breaking up with shoe designer Nick Taylor, she’s lost, lonely—and stuck with a commitment she regrets: helping Nick’s glamorous best friend mount her first fashion show. Pride keeps Samantha from quitting even though the designer’s appreciation is lukewarm at best. When a couture garment goes up in flames during the event, Samantha suspects sabotage. After risking death investigating on her own, Samantha recruits a hot photographer to help…and to make Nick jealous. As the heat turns up, Samantha’s curiosity leads her into another inferno—and this time she either faces the fire or gets burned. GRAND THEFT RETRO With her thirty-mumble-birthday on the horizon, amateur sleuth and fashion expert Samantha Kidd is determined to get her life under control. Her steady job at Retrofit Magazine comes with a paycheck, medical benefits, a 401K, and an assignment to dive into seventies style. She's prepared to report on patchwork velvet and platform shoes, but she never expected to uncover the theft of a major collection of samples from the days before disco died. When the guilty party threatens Samantha's family and friends, her priorities shift into protection mode. The investigation heats up faster than fondue over sterno, and all too soon Samantha learns that while the beat goes on, there's no guarantee she'll go on with it. PEARLS GONE WILD Amateur sleuth Samantha Kidd's life is finally on track. It's her normally cultured friend Cat whose life has lost its luster: eight months pregnant and abandoned by her husband the week before Christmas. She ropes Samantha into helping at her boutique, but a string of jewelry thefts threatens her business. And when Cat's husband is found strangled with pearls inside the shop, the last thing she's concerned with is profit. Samantha tries to get a bead on the killer, but when the suspects all clam up, she's left in knots. Add in an unexpected proposal, a flirtatious friend, and a brand new detective, and this is bound to be Samantha's wildest adventure yet. For fans of Larissa Reinhart, Cindy Sample, and A.R. Winters, this box set bundle kicks off with some romantic tension in Samantha Kidd’s life and ends with romantic drama in the life of her close friend. Between the two, Samantha finds out more than she bargained for from the men in her life—one of them being the local detective. If you like amateur sleuths, mysteries with a healthy dose of humor, and fair-play whodunits, then you’ll love the Killer Fashion Humorous Mysteries.
Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity, and her human mouthpiece Georgette, YouTube's famous "opossum lady." Pearl is a dead squirrel who knows everything. With the aid of her earthly mouthpiece Georgette Spelvin, Pearl has been sharing her psychic wisdom with her human disciples for years, delving into topics as varied and complex as love, money, work, health, and etiquette. Once hidden in the delightful corners of the internet for the canniest lurkers and most sacred seekers on the website MEPearl.com, Pearl’s cosmology now comes to life in print for the first time ever, revealing for the masses the secret for everlasting happiness, in addition to a newly-unearthed trove of Pearl’s bewitching, incisive, and illuminating advice that makes sense of every ancient—and current—mystery. With the same “delightfully peculiar” (New York magazine) flair that has made Pearl and Georgette sensations online and had videos of them featured on shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Pearls of Wisdom welcomes readers into the bewildering and addictive world of ME Pearl—one rife with Jackie O. glamour, David Lynch lunacy, marsupial melodrama, and psychedelic spirituality. Proffering new insights on everything from wildlife to the afterlife, Pearls of Wisdom is a true sacred text for the internet age—if not eternity.
Enjoy this humorous cozy mystery with a fashionable amateur sleuth and stylish plot by national bestselling author Diane Vallere. Samantha Kidd is all about leaving the past behind. But sometimes the past won't let you go... With her thirty-mumble-birthday on the horizon, amateur sleuth and fashion expert Samantha Kidd is determined to get her life under control. Her steady job at Retrofit Magazine comes with a paycheck, medical benefits, a 401K, and an assignment to dive into seventies style. She's prepared to report on patchwork velvet and platform shoes, but she never expected to uncover the theft of a major collection of samples from the days before disco died. When the guilty party threatens Samantha's family and friends, her priorities shift into protection mode. The investigation heats up faster than fondue over sterno, and all too soon Samantha learns that while the beat goes on, there's no guarantee she'll go on with it. Can Samantha catch a criminal who's been living in plain sight, or will her fresh start turn into a dead end? Pick up Grand Theft Retro today! Grand Theft Retro is the fifth hilarious caper in the Killer Fashion mystery series, but each book can be read as a standalone. For fans of Lucy Score, Tricia O’Malley, and Daniel Carson, the book features a determined amateur detective and seventies-inspired style. If you like over-the-top situations, birthday drama, and a dash of romance, then you’ll love Diane Vallere’s humorous mystery. Diane-Fans describe “her vintage Vallere goodness,” and say she is a “great storyteller” with “a way with creating strong female characters and intrigue” who is “a superb and very humorous writer.” Her gift of creating “spunky sleuths in fun settings” take readers to Dallas, Palm Springs, Los Angeles, Pennsylvania, and outer space.
Enjoy this crafty small-town cozy mystery by national bestselling author Diane Vallere… Fabric shop owner Polyester Monroe is back in business--this time getting wrapped up in a diabolical but crafty case of murder. With the reopening of her fabric shop rapidly approaching, Polyester Monroe is stocking up on lush fabrics, colorful notions, and best of all, a proprietary weave of velvet. But upon delivery, it’s not quite the blend she expected, being ninety-percent silk — and ten-percent corpse. Crushed under a dozen bolts of fabric is local business owner Phil Girard. His wife, Genevieve, local tea shop owner and close friend of Poly, is the prime suspect. Granted, Phil may not have been the perfect husband, but surely Genevieve had no reason to kill him! There’s just the small matter of Genevieve’s own incriminating confession: I’m afraid I killed my husband. Now, as the grand opening looms, Poly is torn between a friendship pulling apart at the seams—and finding a smooth killer with a velvet touch… Crushed Velvet is the second charming cozy mystery in this series, although all books in the Material Witness series can be read as a standalone. For readers of Leena Clover, Addison Moore, and Kathi Daley, this is a fair-play cozy mystery whodunit with strong family ties, a sweet romance, and a fun cast of recurring characters. If you like small-town settings, killer textiles, and crafty killers, then you'll love Diane Vallere's delightful, fabric-themed series. "Vallere stitches an intrepid heroine together [with] a nicely layered plot that fits well with the fabric imagery. The secret of the velvet makes for a clever surprise. Fans of Jenn McKinlay’s Hat Shop novels may also enjoy this small-town cozy."--Booklist "This entertaining series that began with Suede to Rest continues with yet another fantastic read. In fact, this one may be even better." --Suspense Magazine
Enjoy this humorous cozy mystery with an amateur sleuth and rom-com elements by national bestselling author Diane Vallere. She needs a paycheck. A murder creates the perfect job. Can she avoid becoming the next victim? Samantha Kidd recently added an unexpected skill to her fashion-heavy resume: solving a crime. But amateur sleuthing doesn’t pay the bills. A new retailer shows interest in hiring her as their handbag buyer, but there’s one big red flag: the last buyer was killed on the job. Moving back to her old hometown was about leaving that career path behind, but Samantha’s out of options. When another person at the store is murdered, the walls close in like a snug, satin lining. Can Samantha get a handle on an inside job without getting caught in the killer’s clutches? Buy Buyer, Beware for laugh-out-loud entertainment today! Buyer, Beware is the second humorous book in the Killer Fashion mystery series, although each book in the series can be read as a standalone. For readers of, Deany Ray, Cindy Sample, and Larissa Reinhart, this funny book features a determined amateur sleuth and a mystery that will keep you guessing. If you like witty protagonists, clever dialogue, and fair-play whodunits, you’ll love Diane Vallere’s humorous mystery. Diane-Fans describe “her vintage Vallere goodness,” and say she is a “great storyteller” with “a way with creating strong female characters and intrigue” who is “a superb and very humorous writer.” Her gift of creating “spunky sleuths in fun settings” take readers to Dallas, Palm Springs, Los Angeles, Pennsylvania, and outer space.
Enjoy this humorous outer space mystery adventure with uniform lieutenant Sylvia Stryker and a supporting cast of quirky aliens by national bestselling author Diane Vallere… Sylvia Stryker has found her footing in the Moon Unit Corporation--but it’ll take more than fancy dance moves for this amateur sleuth to stay alive on this hilarious rescue mission in space from national bestselling author Diane Vallere. Space sleuth Sylvia Stryker wants more from her day job aboard a Moon Unit than to manage crew uniforms. In her time between moon treks, she turns to hunky hero Neptune for lessons in security training. But when a hijacked space pod lands by their training site and the body of an intergalactic courier is discovered inside, Sylvia’s newly-acquired skills are put to the test. The courier was a friend who shared her interest in back-channel business, and his death seems like a message—or worse, a warning. Determined to seek justice, Sylvia and Neptune assemble a team. But there’s more to this trek through the stars than expected, including fifty rambunctious aliens accidentally beamed aboard the ship, some very nasty space pirates, and one suspicious member of the staff who thought the recruitment message was a call of duty. Now Sylvia’s on a quest to catch a killer, but if she fails, she could wipe out an entire alien race in the process. Hijacked on a Moon Trek is the hilarious third novel featuring uniform lieutenant Sylvia Stryker. If you like humorous mysteries, unique characters, and spacey fun, or read favorites like Joann Fluke or Dakota Cassidy, you'll love Diane Vallere's entertaining interstellar series. Previously published as SATURN NIGHT FEVER. “What a fun, unique, and intriguing story. Love the inside joke about red shirts. That and the laser cat! Lol!!.... Thank you for such an entertaining read!” – Reader “I am pleased to say that after finishing the third book in the series, the enchanting mind of author Diane Vallere continues to charm and come up with even more new fun and adventures around every corner.” – Reader CHAPTER ONE EXCERPT: When Neptune said I fought like a girl, I did the only respectable thing. I hit him. That’s not to say it’s a good idea for dropouts from the space academy to strike their newly-appointed superiors, but in this case, he deserved it. In the two versions of the story that will be told of the incident, at least one will contain the fact that technically, I was in training. Technically, the only reason we were on the helipad on the corner of Neptune’s property was because the helipad was a convenient place to practice. Technically, I was being paid a small sponsorship fee to test the durability of new uniforms designed for Moon Unit Corporation, and technically, the only way I could fully know if the uniforms were durable were to see how they held up when I threw a punch. Neptune’s version might include slight variations. “In case you haven’t noticed, I am a girl,” I said. Neptune was bigger, older, and more experienced than I was, and he probably had more important things to do than spend the day teaching me defensive maneuvers. But never graduating had left me with relatively few channels to advance my learning. After Moon Unit 6 returned from Venus, Neptune contacted me via the comm device implanted in my ear and offered me free room and board in exchange for lessons to pick up where my interrupted education had left off. I’d dropped out when my dad was arrested so I could help my mom with the family dry ice mines. Neptune’s offer to teach me gave us both something of value. I’d accepted, more for me than for him. I’m selfish that way. “You know why you were almost incapacitated on our last moon trek?” he asked. “Because you dropped your guard. You thought size and skill were enough to beat your enemy. You fought fair. You fought like a woman.” “Oh, so now I’m a woman?” I countered. “I grew up fast.” It wasn’t that Neptune treated me like a girl or a woman. He treated me like a student. And most of the time I was okay with that. But the voice in my head that I didn’t want to listen to wondered why someone like Neptune spent time training someone like me. It was a voice that hadn’t had much to question since my dad was arrested. Any attention paid to me usually had strings attached. Retribution for my dad’s crimes, or the novelty of my half Plunian background in a world where lavender women were now rare. More than once I’d fended off advances when I saw where they were headed. I developed a thick skin and narrowed my social circle to a very tight group. But despite the fact that Neptune was a muscular wall of taciturn authority, or maybe because of it, I was attracted to him. I doubted it was the black military-issue cargo gear he wore (did he buy his clothes in bulk?) or the intimidating stance he’d perfected long before I met him (arms crossed, feet shoulder-width apart). I’d never been attracted to men in power—in fact, power was a pretty tried-and-true turn-off. I didn’t know what it was about Neptune that made my lavender skin glow at the least opportune times. I only knew it was important to me to prove to him that I was different. Today, different meant throwing a non-girly punch. He grabbed my wrist and closed my fingers into a fist. His hand was twice the size of mine—tawny against my lavender coloring. “You have to toughen up, Stryker. You’re smart, and you learn information fast, but instincts don’t come from a book.” “I learned how to fight by an accredited Hapkido master. Or have you already forgotten that I dropped you with a sweeping kick because you underestimated me?” He let go of my fist and pointed at me. “Don’t let that go to your head. Success is built on failure. If you learn anything from these lessons, learn that. Failure is your friend.” “I thought failure wasn’t an option? The flight director of Earth’s space shuttle program said it, right? His biography was required reading.” “You didn’t read the book. That’s a made-up quote from a movie script. The flight director liked the line so much he used it for the title of his biography. Lesson number two: check your source. I thought you knew that by now.” I didn’t tell Neptune that I hadn’t read the book because the course took place after I dropped out. I’m pretty sure lesson number three was to keep your weaknesses to yourself. “Repeat it back to me.” “Blah, blah, check your source.” “Repeat what I told you about failure.” “‘Failure is my friend.’” “Remember that.” He turned around and walked a few feet away from me and then turned back. “If you think you can fight because you dropped me—once—then you’ll get complacent. Don’t forget what happened the last time you got complacent.” How could I forget? I almost died. It didn’t help that the fight had been four against one or that my oxygen supply had been cut off, rendering me helpless. My opponents knew my weakness and used it against me. Nothing fair about it. I didn’t want to admit it, but Neptune was right. I’d falsely assumed I could defend myself without too much effort, and my false sense of confidence had worked against me. “Go again,” he said. He bent his knees slightly and prepared for my attack. I swung my arms forward and backward, giant half circles to limber up my shoulders, and felt a seam tear. “Hold on. Uniform malfunction. Moon Unit Corporation thinks they can cut corners by using a different supplier, but the last six uniforms I tested fell apart.” “Where?” “Shoulder.” “Turn around.” I turned and pointed to where I’d felt the split. “What am I supposed to tell them this time? ‘Looks good but you can’t throw a girly punch’?” I felt Neptune tug the split fabric together. Even though I wasn’t looking at him, just the graze of his fingertips against my shoulder blade made me flush. “Why are you wasting your time with uniforms?” “Someday the name ‘Sylvia Stryker’ will be synonymous with space uniforms. After our trip to Venus, the publicity company who planned the hype around the Moon Units contacted me to wear test their prototypes. It’s a little cash on the side between treks and all things considered, I can use the money. I can’t crash here forever.” I knew Neptune wouldn’t pursue the conversation. He understood my predicament: no planet, no family, no home. He was with me the night space pirates destroyed everything I’d ever known. The only reason I agreed to train with him was because there’s a certain security in spending time with someone who prioritized silence over small talk. I could learn a lot from Neptune and I knew it. He could learn from me too. I wasn’t sure he knew that. Yet. Neptune’s loner lifestyle suited him, but I was glad that he begrudgingly allowed me to coexist on his property. Not one to mooch, I made sure to bring what I could to the table. Enter Mattix Dusk, space courier (and my Hapkido instructor) who traveled between the thirteen colonies under Federation Control, to pick up and deliver anything that needed to be picked up or delivered. I introduced the two men and they worked out a mutually acceptable deal. Mattix had use of the helipad and a place to crash while on the Kuiper Belt. Neptune had access to Mattix’s courier contacts and suppliers. And for the foreseeable future, I had not one but two mentors who could further my education. Where Neptune was tall, tawny, and solid muscle, Mattix looked like a piece of worn leather in loose-fitting castoff clothes. Tanned skin, bleached hair worn in a ponytail, and ragamuffin clothes suited him. His job as courier put him in front of shady characters, and he passed along his two most important pieces of advice: look like you have less than the other guy and learn to take care of yourself. Whatever direction my lesson was supposed to go was interrupted by a swiftly approaching space pod. I looked at the sky and watched it glide toward us. It was the Dusk Driver, the space pod that belonged to Mattix. I smiled and waved while backing up so he could land. As his space pod drew closer, alarm bells rang out from the nearby towers. His speed was too fast. He was going to crash. And if I didn’t get out of the way, I’d burn up in the wreckage. Neptune reached the same conclusion before I did. How do I know? When I tore my attention from the incoming space pod to tell Neptune something was wrong, I saw him charge toward me. The impact knocked me to the ground. Either Neptune knew what was happening and wanted to save me, or he was trying to make a point. From the bank of dirt alongside the helipad, the space pod jerked to a halt and then hovered two feet above the ground. Mattix knew better than to approach at the speed he had, but he’d compensated for the potential accident by activating the ship’s invisible buffer: a two foot “bumper” of static electricity that kept the exterior from contacting another surface. It operated much the same way as two magnets held in close proximity. The dueling forcefields pushed away from each other, making it impossible to touch. Mattix wouldn’t have activated the buffer shield unless something was wrong. I scrambled to my feet and, keeping my center of gravity low, approached the space pod. Mattix wouldn’t allow anyone else to navigate the ship without reason, which made what I saw even scarier. The ship was being flown on autopilot. _______________________________________ “It is set in outer space, but keeps a true cozy mystery vibe to it at the same time.” – Reader “Hijacked on a Moon Trek was another fantastic addition to this series! Sylvia and the gang are back in what is quite possibly the best installment yet. This series is quickly becoming one of my favorites. I can't get enough of it!” – Reader “This was the best in the series so far, with added depth in backstories for several of the characters.” – Reader For fans of Star Trek, Star Wars, Dune, UFO, The Orville, Galaxy Quest, Lost in Space, and The Jetsons. Diane-Fans describe “her vintage Vallere goodness,” and say she is a “great storyteller” with “a way with creating strong female characters and intrigue” who is “a superb and very humorous writer.” Her gift of creating “spunky sleuths in fun settings” take readers to Dallas, Palm Springs, Los Angeles, Pennsylvania, and outer space.
