Buttheads from Outer Space

Buttheads from Outer Space

Author: Jerry Mahoney

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2018-03-13

Total Pages: 201

ISBN-13: 1510732632

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The buttheads have landed—and they're trying to wipe us out! My best friend Lloyd and I had the perfect plan. We started a blog to invite aliens to come to Earth and hang out—but only with us. That way, they wouldn't have to meet any boring world leaders or get cut open by scientists or anything like that. We'd just chill out, eat junk food, and play video games together. Sweet, right? And it worked! Two aliens showed up one night in the bathroom of my favorite restaurant, and we snuck them home to my room. The problem is, they're total buttheads! Literally. They have butts on their heads, and they talk in farts. They're rude, disgusting, and they love Earth so much, they just invited 70 billion of their friends to join them here. Oops. Now it's up to us—two sixth graders with B-pluses in science—to save the planet from the sickest extraterrestrials in the universe. (Preferably without my parents finding out.) Sorry, everyone. Better get used to talking out of your butts, because we're all probably doomed…


My Rotten Stepbrother Ruined Beauty and the Beast

My Rotten Stepbrother Ruined Beauty and the Beast

Author: Jerry Mahoney

Publisher: Capstone

Published: 2017-08

Total Pages: 161

ISBN-13: 1496544811

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AGAIN, Holden?! First you broke Cinderella, now Beauty and the Beast? Your stepsister is ready to strangle you. Pointing out that the Beast kidnapped Beauty and only fell for her looks has somehow put the real Beast in jail! Now there'll never be a happy ending. You need to go into the fairy tale world of rural France and-- what do you mean you don't speak French?!


Mommy Man

Mommy Man

Author: Jerry Mahoney

Publisher:

Published: 2014

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9781589799226

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As a teenager growing up in the 1980s, all Jerry Mahoney wanted was a nice, normal sham marriage: 2.5 kids and a frustrated, dissatisfied wife living in denial of her husband s sexuality. Hey, why not? It seemed much more attainable and fulfilling than the alternative coming out of the closet and making peace with the fact that he d never have a family at all. Twenty years later, Jerry is living with his long-term boyfriend, Drew, and they re ready to take the plunge into parenthood. But how? Adoption? Foster parenting? Kidnapping? What they want most of all is a great story to tell their future kid about where he or she came from. Their search leads them to gestational surrogacy, a road less traveled where they ll be borrowing a stranger s ladyparts for nine months. Thus begins Jerry and Drew s hilarious and unexpected journey to daddyhood. From then on, they re in uncharted waters. They re forced to face down homophobic baby store clerks, a hospital that doesn t know what to do with them, even members of their own family who think what they re doing is a little nutty. One thing s for sure. If this all works out, they re going to have an incredible birth story to tell their kid. With honesty, emotion, and laugh-out-loud humor, Jerry Mahoney ponders what it means to become a Mommy Man . . . and discovers that the answer is as varied and beautiful as the concept of family itself."


Eleanor & Park

Eleanor & Park

Author: Rainbow Rowell

Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin

Published: 2013-02-26

Total Pages: 253

ISBN-13: 1250031214

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#1 New York Times Best Seller! "Eleanor & Park reminded me not just what it's like to be young and in love with a girl, but also what it's like to be young and in love with a book."-John Green, The New York Times Book Review Bono met his wife in high school, Park says. So did Jerry Lee Lewis, Eleanor answers. I'm not kidding, he says. You should be, she says, we're 16. What about Romeo and Juliet? Shallow, confused, then dead. I love you, Park says. Wherefore art thou, Eleanor answers. I'm not kidding, he says. You should be. Set over the course of one school year in 1986, this is the story of two star-crossed misfits-smart enough to know that first love almost never lasts, but brave and desperate enough to try. When Eleanor meets Park, you'll remember your own first love-and just how hard it pulled you under. A New York Times Best Seller! A 2014 Michael L. Printz Honor Book for Excellence in Young Adult Literature Eleanor & Park is the winner of the 2013 Boston Globe Horn Book Award for Best Fiction Book. A Publishers Weekly Best Children's Book of 2013 A New York Times Book Review Notable Children's Book of 2013 A Kirkus Reviews Best Teen Book of 2013 An NPR Best Book of 2013


Black Swan Green

Black Swan Green

Author: David Mitchell

Publisher: Random House

Published: 2006-04-11

Total Pages: 306

ISBN-13: 158836528X

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By the New York Times bestselling author of The Bone Clocks and Cloud Atlas | Longlisted for the Man Booker Prize Selected by Time as One of the Ten Best Books of the Year | A New York Times Notable Book | Named One of the Best Books of the Year by The Washington Post Book World, The Christian Science Monitor, Rocky Mountain News, and Kirkus Reviews | A Los Angeles Times Book Prize Finalist | Winner of the ALA Alex Award | Finalist for the Costa Novel Award From award-winning writer David Mitchell comes a sinewy, meditative novel of boyhood on the cusp of adulthood and the old on the cusp of the new. Black Swan Green tracks a single year in what is, for thirteen-year-old Jason Taylor, the sleepiest village in muddiest Worcestershire in a dying Cold War England, 1982. But the thirteen chapters, each a short story in its own right, create an exquisitely observed world that is anything but sleepy. A world of Kissingeresque realpolitik enacted in boys’ games on a frozen lake; of “nightcreeping” through the summer backyards of strangers; of the tabloid-fueled thrills of the Falklands War and its human toll; of the cruel, luscious Dawn Madden and her power-hungry boyfriend, Ross Wilcox; of a certain Madame Eva van Outryve de Crommelynck, an elderly bohemian emigré who is both more and less than she appears; of Jason’s search to replace his dead grandfather’s irreplaceable smashed watch before the crime is discovered; of first cigarettes, first kisses, first Duran Duran LPs, and first deaths; of Margaret Thatcher’s recession; of Gypsies camping in the woods and the hysteria they inspire; and, even closer to home, of a slow-motion divorce in four seasons. Pointed, funny, profound, left-field, elegiac, and painted with the stuff of life, Black Swan Green is David Mitchell’s subtlest and most effective achievement to date. Praise for Black Swan Green “[David Mitchell has created] one of the most endearing, smart, and funny young narrators ever to rise up from the pages of a novel. . . . The always fresh and brilliant writing will carry readers back to their own childhoods. . . . This enchanting novel makes us remember exactly what it was like.”—The Boston Globe “[David Mitchell is a] prodigiously daring and imaginative young writer. . . . As in the works of Thomas Pynchon and Herman Melville, one feels the roof of the narrative lifted off and oneself in thrall.”—Time


Listen to Your Mother

Listen to Your Mother

Author: Ann Imig

Publisher: Penguin

Published: 2015-04-07

Total Pages: 258

ISBN-13: 0698157648

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Irreverent, thought-provoking, hilarious, and edgy: a collection of personal stories celebrating motherhood, featuring #1 New York Times bestselling authors Jenny Lawson and Jennifer Weiner, and many other notable writers. Listen to Your Mother is a fantastic awakening of why our mothers are important, taking readers on a journey through motherhood in all of its complexity, diversity, and humor. Based on the sensational national performance movement, Listen to Your Mother showcases the experiences of ordinary people of all racial, gender, and age backgrounds, from every corner of the country. This collection of essays celebrates and validates what it means to be a mother today, with honesty and candor that is arrestingly stimulating and refreshing. The stories are raw, honest, poignant, and sometimes raunchy, ranging from adoption, assimilation to emptying nests; first-time motherhood, foster-parenting, to infertility; single-parenting, LGBTQ parenting, to special-needs parenting; step-mothering; never mothering, to surrogacy; and mothering through illness to mothering through unsolicited advice. Honest, funny, and heart-wrenching, these personal stories are the collective voice of mothers among us. Whether you are one, have one, or know one, Listen to Your Mother is an emotional whirlwind that is guaranteed to entertain, amuse, and enlighten.


Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Author: Seth Grahame-Smith

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Published: 2010-03-02

Total Pages: 401

ISBN-13: 0446571857

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Indiana. Moonlight falls through the dense woods that surround a one-room cabin, where a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his suffering mother's bedside. She's been stricken with something the old-timers call "Milk Sickness." "My baby boy..." she whispers before dying. Only later will the grieving Abe learn that his mother's fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire. When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, he writes in his journal, "henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose..." Gifted with his legendary height, strength, and skill with an ax, Abe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead him all the way to the White House. While Abraham Lincoln is widely lauded for saving a and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. That is, until Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The Secret Journal of Abraham Lincoln, and became the first living person to lay eyes on it in more than 140 years. Using the journal as his guide and writing in the grand biographical style of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true life story of our greatest president for the first time-all while revealing the hidden history behind the Civil War and uncovering the role vampires played in the birth, growth, and near-death of our nation.


Marihuana

Marihuana

Author: E.L. Abel

Publisher: Springer Science & Business Media

Published: 2013-06-29

Total Pages: 292

ISBN-13: 1489921893

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Of all the plants men have ever grown, none has been praised and denounced as often as marihuana (Cannabis sativa). Throughout the ages, marihuana has been extolled as one of man's greatest benefactors and cursed as one of his greatest scourges. Marihuana is undoubtedly a herb that has been many things to many people. Armies and navies have used it to make war, men and women to make love. Hunters and fishermen have snared the most ferocious creatures, from the tiger to the shark, in its herculean weave. Fashion designers have dressed the most elegant women in its supple knit. Hangmen have snapped the necks of thieves and murderers with its fiber. Obstetricians have eased the pain of childbirth with its leaves. Farmers have crushed its seeds and used the oil within to light their lamps. Mourners have thrown its seeds into blazing fires and have had their sorrow transformed into blissful ecstasy by the fumes that filled the air. Marihuana has been known by many names: hemp, hashish, dagga, bhang, loco weed, grass-the list is endless. Formally christened Cannabis sativa in 1753 by Carl Linnaeus, marihuana is one of nature's hardiest specimens. It needs little care to thrive. One need not talk to it, sing to it, or play soothing tranquil Brahms lullabies to coax it to grow. It is as vigorous as a weed. It is ubiquitous. It fluorishes under nearly every possible climatic condition.


High Tide in Tucson

High Tide in Tucson

Author: Barbara Kingsolver

Publisher: Harper Perennial

Published: 2003

Total Pages: 308

ISBN-13: 9780060927561

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"There is no one quite like Barbara Kingsolver in contemporary literature," raves the Washington Post Book World, and it is right. She has been nominated three times for the ABBY award, and her critically acclaimed writings consistently enjoy spectacular commercial success as they entertain and touch her legions of loyal fans. In High Tide in Tucson, she returnsto her familiar themes of family, community, the common good and the natural world. The title essay considers Buster, a hermit crab that accidentally stows away on Kingsolver's return trip from the Bahamas to her desert home, and turns out to have manic-depressive tendencies. Buster is running around for all he's worth -- one can only presume it's high tide in Tucson. Kingsolver brings a moral vision and refreshing sense of humor to subjects ranging from modern motherhood to the history of private property to the suspended citizenship of human beings in the Animal Kingdom. Beautifully packaged, with original illustrations by well-known illustrator Paul Mirocha, these wise lessons on the urgent business of being alive make it a perfect gift for Kingsolver's many fans.


Magic for Marigold

Magic for Marigold

Author: Lucy Maud Montgomery

Publisher: DigiCat

Published: 2022-05-17

Total Pages: 383

ISBN-13:

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Marigold Lesley is an imaginative young girl whose father died before she was born. She grew up at her paternal relatives' estate, Cloud of Spruce. Marigold's family includes her loving mother, steely Young Grandmother, shrewd Old Grandmother, her Uncle Klondike who is a former sailor, and her Aunt Marigold, a doctor who saved Marigold's life as a baby. These people made Marigold's life mostly pleasant and carefree, but she nonetheless had her share of adventures, fancies and troubles, many related to the peculiar environment she grew up in. The book relates Marigold's seemingly incurable jealousy of her father's first wife, Clementine, an encounter with a Russian princess, several attempts to be "good"' and a surprising cooking triumph._x000D_ Content:_x000D_ MAGIC FOR MARIGOLD_x000D_ THE ALPINE PATH: THE STORY OF MY CAREER (Memoirs of Lucy Maud Montgomery)_x000D_ Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874-1942) was a Canadian author best known for a series of novels with Anne of Green Gables, an orphaned girl, mistakenly sent to a couple, who had intended to adopt a boy. Anne novels made Montgomery famous in her lifetime and gave her an international following. The first novel was followed by a series of sequels with Anne as the central character. Montgomery went on to publish 20 novels as well as 530 short stories, 500 poems, and 30 essays. Most of the novels were set in Prince Edward Island, and locations within Canada's smallest province became a literary landmark and popular tourist site.