My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space
My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Published: 2010-10-26

Total Pages: 258

ISBN-13: 1429941812

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The incomparable Lisa Scottoline, along with daughter Francesca, is back with more wild and wonderful wit and wisdom: My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space. Critics and readers loved Lisa Scottoline's first collection of true-life stories, which only encouraged her—now she's back with these all-new, exciting adventures. She's farther down the road now, and the scenery has changed—ex-husbands Thing One and Thing Two are in her rear-view mirror, daughter Francesca has moved into an apartment, and Lisa's finding the silver lining in her empty nest, which has lots more room for her shoes. And some things have stayed the same—Mother Mary is still the feistiest octogenarian on the planet, who won't part with her recipe for tomato sauce or her thirty-year old bra. In this book Lisa and Francesca spill all their family secrets—which sound a lot like yours, if you understand that three generations of women is the formula for spontaneous combustion. Inspired by her weekly column entitled, "Chick Wit" for The Philadelphia Inquirer, this is a book you'll have to put down—just to stop laughing.

Best Friends, Occasional Enemies
Best Friends, Occasional Enemies

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Published: 2011-11-22

Total Pages: 289

ISBN-13: 1429995572

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From the New York Times bestselling writing team comes a hilarious new collection of essays that observe life from a mother/daughter perspective New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca Serritella are the best of friends—99.9% of the time. They're number one on each other's speed dial and they tell each other everything—well, almost everything. They share shoes and clothes—except one very special green jacket, which almost caused a catfight. In other words, they're just like every mother and daughter in the world. Best friends, and occasional enemies. Now they're dishing about it all—their lives, their relationship, and their carb count. Inspired by their weekly column, "Chick Wit" for The Philadelphia Inquirer, this book is one you'll have to put down—just to stop laughing. Lisa on Being a Mom - Motherhood has no expiration date. Francesca lives in the city, and I worry about her all the time. My daughter moved out, so why am I still lactating? Francesca on Being a Daughter - My mother is always right. Just ask her. Lisa on Things Every Daughter Should Know - Your mother is always thinking about you, but that's not creepy. Your mother will never forget who did you dirty in the sixth grade, for which you can thank her. And your mother will never stop asking you if you need to go to the bathroom, before you leave the house. Well, do you? Francesca on Closet Wars - My mom is a great dresser. Mostly because she's wearing my clothes. Lisa on Aging Gracefully - My sex drive is in reverse, I have more whiskers than my cat, and my estrogen replacement is tequila. Francesca on Apartment Living - When I saw a mouse, the first person I called was Mom. She told me to call my super, but I felt bad bothering him. I hate to bother people. But I love to bother my mother.

Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim
Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Published: 2012-11-13

Total Pages: 274

ISBN-13: 1250025079

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From the bestselling mother/daughter writing duo comes another hilarious collection of essays about motherhood, daughterhood, womanhood, and "does this hood look good on me?" Love and guilt are thick in the Scottoline/Serritella household, and Lisa and Francesca's mother-daughter-turned-best-friends bond will strike a familiar note to many. But now that Lisa is a suburban empty nester and Francesca is an independent twentysomething in the big city, they have to learn how to stay close while living apart. How does a mother's love translate across state lines and over any semblance of personal boundaries? You'll laugh out loud as they face off over the proper technique for packing dishes, the importance of bringing a coat in the summertime, and the dos and don'ts of dating at any age. Add feisty octogenarian Mother Mary to the mix, and you have a Molotov cocktail of estrogen, opinions, and fun. The stories in Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim will make you laugh, cry, and call your mother, daughter, and all your girlfriends.

Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog
Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: Macmillan

Published: 2010-10-12

Total Pages: 324

ISBN-13: 9780312649432

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This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere It's time for seriously hilarious girl-talk with New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline. She's shared this collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours . . . if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. Pick up this book--you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll swear off pantyhose. Here are some examples of Lisa's wit and wisdom: "Everybody has their pornography, and mine is the real estate ads." "We'll get universal health care before we get beauty salons open on Mondays, and that's backwards. Ask any woman if she'd rather have a haircut or a mammogram, and you'll see what I mean." "Mothers are a natural force, and maybe an alternative source of fuel." "Lately there's been talk about a religion that allows polygamy, so that a man can have as many wives as he pleases. Where is the religion that allows a woman to have as many husbands as she pleases?" "I have never been in an accident, if you don't count my two marriages." "My mother taught us that if you eat baked beans from a can that has dents, you'll die of botulism. This was before people injected botulism into their faces. Nowadays, the dented can will kill you, but you'll look young." Inspired by her wildly popular column in The Philadelphia Inquirer entitled "Chick Wit," Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog is a book you'll have to put down--just to stop laughing.

Truly Funny Stories Vol. 1
Truly Funny Stories Vol. 1

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Published: 2015-11-10

Total Pages: 701

ISBN-13: 1250100038

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The collections from beloved mother-daughter writing duo Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella are among the best reviewed humor books published today and have been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Here for the first time in a fabulous eBook bundle are two of their witty and warm collections. Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere! Here Lisa Scottoline shares a hilarious collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours...if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space Lisa and Francesca give their mother-daughter perspective on everything from blind dates to empty calories, as well as life with the feistiest octogenarian on the planet, Mother Mary. Three generations, triple the laughs-and the love.

I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere But the Pool
I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere But the Pool

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Published: 2017-07-11

Total Pages: 336

ISBN-13: 1250059968

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"Lisa and Francesca are back with another collection of warm and witty stories that will strike a chord with every woman. This seven book series is among the best reviewed humor books published today and has been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron"--

I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses
I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Published: 2018-07-10

Total Pages: 349

ISBN-13: 1250163056

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"In I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses, the bestselling mother/daughter pair is back with another hilarious and heartfelt collection of essays about the possibilities and pitfalls of everyday life."--

I Have the Answer
I Have the Answer

Author: Kelly Fordon

Publisher: Wayne State University Press

Published: 2020-04-07

Total Pages: 192

ISBN-13: 0814347533

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Short stories that manage to feel both fantastical and disturbingly familiar. If you thought the suburbs were boring, think again. Kelly Fordon's I Have the Answer artfully mixes the fabulist with the workaday and illuminates relationships and characters with crisp, elegant prose and dark wit. The stories in Fordon's latest collection are disquieting, humorous, and thought-provoking. They might catch you off guard, but are always infused with deep humanity and tenderness. In these thirteen short stories, Fordon presents people dealing with the grayness of reality and longing for transcendence. Characters within these stories are often as surprised by their own behavior as that of their neighbor's. In "Jungle Life," the narrator attempts to clarify and document the stories of his father, a war veteran, before he descends into dementia. In "Where's the Baby?" a woman reflects on her difficult childhood as she grudgingly cares for her more successful, yet exasperating sister. In "In the Dog House," a woman visits an estate sale and sifts through the layers of lifetimes past while grappling with her long-standing jealousy of a mysterious neighbor. In "The Shorebirds and The Shaman," a woman who has just lost her husband winds up at a kooky weekend retreat role-playing her way out of debilitating grief. Award-winning author Desiree Cooper has called the stories in I Have the Answer"pitch perfect . . . Fordon takes us to the precipice where trauma and triumph are equal possibilities. The people in these stories are so hauntingly real that long after I put the book down, I found myself wondering what had become of them." Readers of contemporary fiction and short stories will enjoy mulling over the complicated feelings this collection evokes.

Does This Beach Make Me Look Fat?
Does This Beach Make Me Look Fat?

Author: Lisa Scottoline

Publisher: Macmillan

Published: 2015-07-07

Total Pages: 301

ISBN-13: 1250059941

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"Lisa and Francesca are back with another collection of warm and witty stories that will strike a chord with every woman. This five book series is among the best reviewed humor books published today and has been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Delia Ephron said of the fifth book in the series, Have a Nice Guilt Trip, "Lisa and Francesca, mother and daughter, bring you the laughter of their lives once again and better than ever. You will identify with these tales of guilt and fall in love with them and fierce (grand)Mother Mary." This sixth volume will not disappoint as it hits the humorous and poignant note that fans have come to expect from the beloved mother-daughter duo"--