When men experience a loss, their first step may be to move inward into their solitude, where they can express themselves, confront what has happened, deal with feelings, and begin to sort out their next steps. Typically, this process helps them to eventually move beyond their solitude and into relationship again with the significant people in their lives. This book explores why this process may be important for men, tells stories of men coping with loss, and looks at gender difference in grief and the various doors into the core of grief. In addition, it examines how to be helpful to men working through loss, as well as how men can affirm and understand a way of grieving and healing that fits them. The first three chapters offer some background on the anatomy of grief; the anthropological imprint and grief; and socialization, rituals, and the importance of honoring male grief. Chapter 4 looks at gender difference and coping, and chapter 5 examines eight different doors into the grief process. Chapter 6 explores the role of solitude in grief. Chapter 7 focused on the role of the witness and introduces Stan, a World War II veteran, and his story. Chapter 8 sets out 11 ways to be helpful to men in grief. The final chapter directly address men in grief, outlining what you need to know when you are the man in grief.
Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back is a collection of candid stories from grieving dads that were interviewed over a two year period. The book offers insight from fellow members of, in the haunting words of one dad, "this terrible, terrible club," which consists of men who have experienced the death of a child. This book is a collection of survival stories by men who have survived the worst possible loss and lived to tell the tale. They are real stories that pull no punches and are told with brutal honesty. Men that have shared their deepest and darkest moments. Moments that included thoughts of suicide, self-medication and homelessness. Some of these men have found their way back from the brink while others are still standing there, stuck in their pain. The core message of Grieving Dads is "you're not alone." It is a message that desperately needs to be delivered to grieving dads who often grieve in silence due to society's expectations. Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back is a book that no grieving dad or anyone who cares for him should be without. As any grieving parent will tell you, there are no words to describe the hell one experiences after the death of a child. Many men have no clue how to deal with or understand the myriad emotional, mental, and physical responses experienced after the death of a child. Stories appearing in the book have been carefully selected to represent a cross-section of fathers, as well as a diverse portrayal of loss. This approach helps reflect the full spectrum of grief, from the early days of shock and trauma to the long view after living with loss for many years. Any bereaved father will find brotherhood in these pages, and will feel that someone understands them. While there is plenty of raw emotion in this book-the stories are not exercises in self-pity nor are they studies in grief. They are survival stories instead. Some are testimonies to hope. Some are gut-wrenching accounts of overwhelming despair. But all of them are real-life stories from real-life grieving dads, and they show that even if one reaches his physical and emotional bottom, it is possible (although not easy) to live through that pain and find one's way to the other side of grief. Most dads in this book found themselves in a state of physical, mental, and emotional collapse after the death of their child. As if the losses alone weren't enough to drive these men to the brink, most try to deal with their grief according to the conventional wisdom so many men are brought up with, which perversely, increases their suffering all the more. We all know the party line about how men are "supposed" to deal with loss or even disappointment: toughen up, get back to work, take it like a man, support your wife, don't talk about your emotions, don't lose control, and if you must cry-by all means do so in private.
Acclaimed by experts Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and Hope Edelman, Swallowed by a Snake brings hope and understanding to those who have experienced a loss. This book gives readers the helpful and healing information that psychotherapist Tom Golden teaches health care professionals in the U.S. and Canada. In clear, accessible language, Golden shows how the masculine gift is used by both men and women and reveals the hidden masculine ways of healing that so often go unnoticed and under-utilized. Golden draws upon his 20 years of clinical experience in revealing this powerful mode of healing that is often overlooked. Helpful to both men and women, Swallowed by a Snake serves as a map to healing and offers new ways to understand our uniqueness and our difference as it guides us through the trauma of loss on a path toward transformation. -- "I find this material interesting and stimulating and feel it will fill a void in the literature about grief and gender differences. The material presents a fresh look into the uniqueness of a man's grief in a way that both men and women will find extremely helpful", -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., On Death and Dying
Though one in four pregnancies ends in loss, miscarriage is shrouded in such secrecy and stigma that the woman who experiences it often feels deeply isolated, unsure how to process her grief. Her body seems to have betrayed her. Her confidence in the goodness of God is rattled. Her loved ones don't know what to say. Her heart is broken. She may feel guilty, ashamed, angry, depressed, confused, or alone. With vulnerability and tenderness, Adriel Booker shares her own experience of three consecutive miscarriages, as well as the stories of others. She tackles complex questions about faith and suffering with sensitivity and clarity, inviting women to a place of grace, honesty, and hope in the redemptive purposes of God without offering religious clichés and pat answers. She also shares specific, practical resources, such as ways to help guide children through grief, suggestions for memorializing your baby, and advice on pregnancy after loss, as well as a special section for dads and loved ones.
In this book, internationally known conference speaker, Joyce Meyer teaches how to conquer the feelings of loneliness, and find renewed strength, hope, and joy through our Lord Jesus. She offers practical and effective ways of overcoming loneliness and grief to live a happy, more fulfilled life.
This loss changes everything. The loss of a life partner can be traumatic. Oblivious to our suffering, the world around us speeds on as if nothing happened. Stunned, shocked, sad, confused, and angry, we blink in disbelief. Our hearts are broken. Our souls shake. We look for comfort. Our broken, grieving hearts need it to survive. Multiple award-winning author, hospice chaplain, and grief counselor Gary Roe is a trusted voice who has been helping wounded, grieving hearts find hope and healing for more than three decades. Written with heartfelt compassion, this warm, easy-to-read, and practical book reads like a caring conversation with a friend and will become a comforting companion as you navigate the turbulent waters of grief. Gary’s desire is to meet you in your grief and walk with you there. Composed of brief chapters, Comfort for the Grieving Spouse's Heart is designed to be read one chapter per day, giving you bite-sized bits of comfort, encouragement, and healing over a period of time. You do not have to read it this way, of course. We all grieve differently. Read in the way that is most natural for you. In Comfort for the Grieving Spouse's Heart, you will discover how to... * Process complicated grief emotions (sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, guilt, anxiety, depression, feeling overwhelmed, etc). * Navigate all the relational changes - feeling alone, misunderstood, isolated, and even rejected by those around you. * Handle the increased stress and uncertainty that this heavy loss can bring. * Deal with physical and mental health issues, illnesses, and new symptoms that often arise. * Take care of yourself through diet, hydration, fitness, and rest. * Deal with a myriad of practical issues (financial challenges, parenting, family activities) * Handle the intense, deep loneliness that often comes with this loss. You will also find hope in how to... * Think through the challenging spiritual and faith questions that frequently surface. * Relate well to the people around you - those who are helpful and those who aren't. * Overcome the tendency to run from emotional pain with unhealthy habits or compulsive behaviors. * Deal well with triggers and the grief bursts that will come. * Find the support you need for survival, recovery, and healing (safe people, fellow grievers, counseling, etc.). * Develop a simple, realistic plan for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. *Use your grief for good - for yourself, your family, and others. *Allow this loss to give you greater perspective and motivate you to live more effectively than ever before. *Make your life count, one day, one moment at a time. Please don’t grieve alone. Let Comfort for the Grieving Spouse's Heart join you on this arduous, tasking journey. Be kind to yourself. Take your heart seriously. Death has invaded, but it doesn't have to win. Read on. Comfort awaits you in these pages of this book.
From the globally acclaimed, best-selling novelist and author of We Should All Be Feminists, a timely and deeply personal account of the loss of her father: “With raw eloquence, Notes on Grief … captures the bewildering messiness of loss in a society that requires serenity, when you’d rather just scream. Grief is impolite ... Adichie’s words put welcome, authentic voice to this most universal of emotions, which is also one of the most universally avoided” (The Washington Post). Notes on Grief is an exquisite work of meditation, remembrance, and hope, written in the wake of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's beloved father’s death in the summer of 2020. As the COVID-19 pandemic raged around the world, and kept Adichie and her family members separated from one another, her father succumbed unexpectedly to complications of kidney failure. Expanding on her original New Yorker piece, Adichie shares how this loss shook her to her core. She writes about being one of the millions of people grieving this year; about the familial and cultural dimensions of grief and also about the loneliness and anger that are unavoidable in it. With signature precision of language, and glittering, devastating detail on the page—and never without touches of rich, honest humor—Adichie weaves together her own experience of her father’s death with threads of his life story, from his remarkable survival during the Biafran war, through a long career as a statistics professor, into the days of the pandemic in which he’d stay connected with his children and grandchildren over video chat from the family home in Abba, Nigeria. In the compact format of We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele, Adichie delivers a gem of a book—a book that fundamentally connects us to one another as it probes one of the most universal human experiences. Notes on Grief is a book for this moment—a work readers will treasure and share now more than ever—and yet will prove durable and timeless, an indispensable addition to Adichie's canon.
"Reeling from the recent death of his invalid mother, an exhausted, lonely professor comes to our nation's capital to escape his previous life." "What he finds there - in his handsome, solitary landlord; in the city's somber mood and sepulchral architecture; and in the strange and impassioned letters and journals of Mary Todd Lincoln - shows him unexpected truths about America and loss. As he seeks to engage with the living world around him - a challenging student, the mother of a dead friend, even his landlord's neglected dog - he comes to realize that his relationship to his grief is very different than he had thought." "In Grief, Holleran summons voices from the past that eerily echo and speak to our own troubled times. It is a masterwork by one of America's singular voices, a writer who is beloved for his depth of feeling, his humor, the elegance of his prose, and his unflinching honesty."--BOOK JACKET.
When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support. But what happens when there is no closure, when a family member or a friend who may be still alive is lost to us nonetheless? How, for example, does the mother whose soldier son is missing in action, or the family of an Alzheimer's patient who is suffering from severe dementia, deal with the uncertainty surrounding this kind of loss? In this sensitive and lucid account, Pauline Boss explains that, all too often, those confronted with such ambiguous loss fluctuate between hope and hopelessness. Suffered too long, these emotions can deaden feeling and make it impossible for people to move on with their lives. Yet the central message of this book is that they can move on. Drawing on her research and clinical experience, Boss suggests strategies that can cushion the pain and help families come to terms with their grief. Her work features the heartening narratives of those who cope with ambiguous loss and manage to leave their sadness behind, including those who have lost family members to divorce, immigration, adoption, chronic mental illness, and brain injury. With its message of hope, this eloquent book offers guidance and understanding to those struggling to regain their lives. Table of Contents: 1. Frozen Grief 2. Leaving without Goodbye 3. Goodbye without Leaving 4. Mixed Emotions 5. Ups and Downs 6. The Family Gamble 7. The Turning Point 8. Making Sense out of Ambiguity 9. The Benefit of a Doubt Notes Acknowledgments Reviews of this book: You will find yourself thinking about the issues discussed in this book long after you put it down and perhaps wishing you had extra copies for friends and family members who might benefit from knowing that their sorrows are not unique...This book's value lies in its giving a name to a force many of us will confront--sadly, more than once--and providing personal stories based on 20 years of interviews and research. --Pamela Gerhardt, Washington Post Reviews of this book: A compassionate exploration of the effects of ambiguous loss and how those experiencing it handle this most devastating of losses ... Boss's approach is to encourage families to talk together, to reach a consensus about how to mourn that which has been lost and how to celebrate that which remains. Her simple stories of families doing just that contain lessons for all. Insightful, practical, and refreshingly free of psychobabble. --Kirkus Review Reviews of this book: Engagingly written and richly rewarding, this title presents what Boss has learned from many years of treating individuals and families suffering from uncertain or incomplete loss...The obvious depth of the author's understanding of sufferers of ambiguous loss and the facility with which she communicates that understanding make this a book to be recommended. --R. R. Cornellius, Choice Reviews of this book: Written for a wide readership, the concepts of ambiguous loss take immediate form through the many provocative examples and stories Boss includes, All readers will find stories with which they will relate...Sensitive, grounded and practical, this book should, in my estimation, be required reading for family practitioners. --Ted Bowman, Family Forum Reviews of this book: Dr. Boss describes [the] all-too-common phenomenon [of unresolved grief] as resulting from either of two circumstances: when the lost person is still physically present but emotionally absent or when the lost person is physically absent but still emotionally present. In addition to senility, physical presence but psychological absence may result, for example, when a person is suffering from a serious mental disorder like schizophrenia or depression or debilitating neurological damage from an accident or severe stroke, when a person abuses drugs or alcohol, when a child is autistic or when a spouse is a workaholic who is not really 'there' even when he or she is at home...Cases of physical absence with continuing psychological presence typically occur when a soldier is missing in action, when a child disappears and is not found, when a former lover or spouse is still very much missed, when a child 'loses' a parent to divorce or when people are separated from their loved ones by immigration...Professionals familiar with Dr. Boss's work emphasised that people suffering from ambiguous loss were not mentally ill, but were just stuck and needed help getting past the barrier or unresolved grief so that they could get on with their lives. --Asian Age Combining her talents as a compassionate family therapist and a creative researcher, Pauline Boss eloquently shows the many and complex ways that people can cope with the inevitable losses in contemporary family life. A wise book, and certain to become a classic. --Constance R. Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce A powerful and healing book. Families experiencing ambiguous loss will find strategies for seeing what aspects of their loved ones remain, and for understanding and grieving what they have lost. Pauline Boss offers us both insight and clarity. --Kathy Weingarten, Ph.D, The Family Institute of Cambridge, Harvard Medical School
