Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding the Ways Men and Women Mourn is a revision of Men Don’t Cry, Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief. In this work, Doka and Martin elaborate on their conceptual model of "styles or patterns of grieving" – a model that has generated both research and acceptance since the publication of the first edition in 1999. In that book, as well as in this revision, Doka and Martin explore the different ways that individuals grieve, noting that gender is only one factor that affects an individual’s style or pattern of grief. The book differentiates intuitive grievers, where the pattern is more affective, from instrumental grievers, who grieve in a more cognitive and behavioral way, while noting other patterns that might be more blended or dissonant. The model is firmly grounded in social science theory and research. A particular strength of the work is the emphasis placed on the clinical implications of the model on the ways that different types of grievers might best be supported through individual counseling or group support.
Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back is a collection of candid stories from grieving dads that were interviewed over a two year period. The book offers insight from fellow members of, in the haunting words of one dad, "this terrible, terrible club," which consists of men who have experienced the death of a child. This book is a collection of survival stories by men who have survived the worst possible loss and lived to tell the tale. They are real stories that pull no punches and are told with brutal honesty. Men that have shared their deepest and darkest moments. Moments that included thoughts of suicide, self-medication and homelessness. Some of these men have found their way back from the brink while others are still standing there, stuck in their pain. The core message of Grieving Dads is "you're not alone." It is a message that desperately needs to be delivered to grieving dads who often grieve in silence due to society's expectations. Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back is a book that no grieving dad or anyone who cares for him should be without. As any grieving parent will tell you, there are no words to describe the hell one experiences after the death of a child. Many men have no clue how to deal with or understand the myriad emotional, mental, and physical responses experienced after the death of a child. Stories appearing in the book have been carefully selected to represent a cross-section of fathers, as well as a diverse portrayal of loss. This approach helps reflect the full spectrum of grief, from the early days of shock and trauma to the long view after living with loss for many years. Any bereaved father will find brotherhood in these pages, and will feel that someone understands them. While there is plenty of raw emotion in this book-the stories are not exercises in self-pity nor are they studies in grief. They are survival stories instead. Some are testimonies to hope. Some are gut-wrenching accounts of overwhelming despair. But all of them are real-life stories from real-life grieving dads, and they show that even if one reaches his physical and emotional bottom, it is possible (although not easy) to live through that pain and find one's way to the other side of grief. Most dads in this book found themselves in a state of physical, mental, and emotional collapse after the death of their child. As if the losses alone weren't enough to drive these men to the brink, most try to deal with their grief according to the conventional wisdom so many men are brought up with, which perversely, increases their suffering all the more. We all know the party line about how men are "supposed" to deal with loss or even disappointment: toughen up, get back to work, take it like a man, support your wife, don't talk about your emotions, don't lose control, and if you must cry-by all means do so in private.
From an esteemed author known for battling gender norms and bringing down "man up" culture, comes this essential guide for men and those who love them. Miscarriage, infertility, and abortion are generally considered women’s issues—and while they are far from uncommon in our society, open conversations surrounding those topics are exceedingly rare. They're seen as taboo, even distasteful. And that’s just for women. When it comes to men and how they are impacted by these issues, it’s almost complete radio silence. It’s not that men don’t think about these things or aren’t affected—after all, they make up half of most couples experiencing these issues—it’s that toxic masculinity and gender stereotypes in our society tell men that suffering in silence equals strength and expressing emotions is weakness. It’s men not knowing how to feel, how to express those feelings, or if they’re even allowed to feel this trauma beyond supporting their partner. In Men and Miscarriage, husband and wife Aaron and MJ Gouveia ask men (and others) these questions directly. Using their own personal experiences enduring four miscarriages and a medically-necessary abortion combined with interviews of people from all different backgrounds and walks of life, the couple sheds light on how these topics influence men, women, their relationships, their mental health, and examines the shame and stigma too often associated with pregnancies that don't go as planned.
Though one in four pregnancies ends in loss, miscarriage is shrouded in such secrecy and stigma that the woman who experiences it often feels deeply isolated, unsure how to process her grief. Her body seems to have betrayed her. Her confidence in the goodness of God is rattled. Her loved ones don't know what to say. Her heart is broken. She may feel guilty, ashamed, angry, depressed, confused, or alone. With vulnerability and tenderness, Adriel Booker shares her own experience of three consecutive miscarriages, as well as the stories of others. She tackles complex questions about faith and suffering with sensitivity and clarity, inviting women to a place of grace, honesty, and hope in the redemptive purposes of God without offering religious clichés and pat answers. She also shares specific, practical resources, such as ways to help guide children through grief, suggestions for memorializing your baby, and advice on pregnancy after loss, as well as a special section for dads and loved ones.
When men experience a loss, their first step may be to move inward into their solitude, where they can express themselves, confront what has happened, deal with feelings, and begin to sort out their next steps. Typically, this process helps them to eventually move beyond their solitude and into relationship again with the significant people in their lives. This book explores why this process may be important for men, tells stories of men coping with loss, and looks at gender difference in grief and the various doors into the core of grief. In addition, it examines how to be helpful to men working through loss, as well as how men can affirm and understand a way of grieving and healing that fits them. The first three chapters offer some background on the anatomy of grief; the anthropological imprint and grief; and socialization, rituals, and the importance of honoring male grief. Chapter 4 looks at gender difference and coping, and chapter 5 examines eight different doors into the grief process. Chapter 6 explores the role of solitude in grief. Chapter 7 focused on the role of the witness and introduces Stan, a World War II veteran, and his story. Chapter 8 sets out 11 ways to be helpful to men in grief. The final chapter directly address men in grief, outlining what you need to know when you are the man in grief.
Do men and women grieve differently? This text, while emphasizing that there are many ways to cope with grief, offers a refreshing change from the popular gender stereotypes of grief. Two patterns of grieving are described: an intuitive pattern where individuals experience and express grief in an affective way (stereotyped as female); and an instrumental pattern where grief is expressed physically or cognitively (stereotyped as male). A third pattern representing a blending of these two is also introduced. Of critical importance is that such patterns are related to, but not determined by, gender; and each has distinct strengths and weaknesses. Organized into three main parts, this topical new text begins by defining terms, introducing and delineating the grief patterns, and rooting the book's concept in contemporary theories of grief. The second part speculates on factors that may influence individuals' patterns of coping with loss (e.g., personality, gender, culture, etc.). The final part considers implications and therapeutic interventions likely to be effective with different types of grievers.
Acclaimed by experts Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and Hope Edelman, Swallowed by a Snake brings hope and understanding to those who have experienced a loss. This book gives readers the helpful and healing information that psychotherapist Tom Golden teaches health care professionals in the U.S. and Canada. In clear, accessible language, Golden shows how the masculine gift is used by both men and women and reveals the hidden masculine ways of healing that so often go unnoticed and under-utilized. Golden draws upon his 20 years of clinical experience in revealing this powerful mode of healing that is often overlooked. Helpful to both men and women, Swallowed by a Snake serves as a map to healing and offers new ways to understand our uniqueness and our difference as it guides us through the trauma of loss on a path toward transformation. -- "I find this material interesting and stimulating and feel it will fill a void in the literature about grief and gender differences. The material presents a fresh look into the uniqueness of a man's grief in a way that both men and women will find extremely helpful", -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., On Death and Dying
Grief is a common response to loss and trauma among all people regardless of race, class or gender. Despite its universality, it is hypothesized that variation exists in how it is experienced and expressed among Black men in the United States. In light of evidence from bereavement research over the decades, previous paradigms regarding grief and loss are changing, which has important implications for mental health professionals working with people of color. Grief is a complex, multidimensional phenomenon that is influenced by a variety of external factors. Social, cultural and religious worldviews all influence grief reactions, informing individual responses to traumatic events. This book will focus on understanding one Black Man's grief reaction with a critical race theoretical (CRT) perspective. It will provide an overview incorporating the theories of attachment, ego-psychology, grief and resiliency.
Written with unexpected humor and great warmth, The Widower's Notebook is a portrait of a marriage, an account of the complexities of finding oneself single again after losing your spouse, and a story of the enduring power of familial love. "This is deeply moving ... beautifully written and modulated, with a dollop of droll, black humor. It is such an achievement, like running uphill against a strong wind."--Joyce Carol Oates On a summer day in New York Jonathan Santlofer discovers his wife, Joy, gasping for breath on their living room couch. After a frenzied 911 call, an ambulance race across Manhattan, and hours pacing in a hospital waiting room, a doctor finally delivers the fateful news. Consumed by grief, Jonathan desperately tries to pursue life as he always had--writing, social engagements, and working on his art--but finds it nearly impossible to admit his deep feelings of loss to anyone, not even his to beloved daughter, Doria, or to himself. As Jonathan grieves and heals, he tries to unravel what happened to Joy, a journey that will take him nearly two years.
