Neuroscience and couples therapy come together to help couples break patterns of bad behavior. What happens between partners that makes love turn to war? How can couples therapists help deescalate the battles? Two leading therapists apply the latest neuroscience research on emotional arousal to help couples regulate each other’s emotions, maintain secure attachment, and foster positive, enduring relationships. The neurobiologically-grounded and sensitive approach set forth by Solomon and Tatkin in this book is sure to transform the way clinicians understand and treat couples in therapy.
"Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together." —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop "Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges." —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection.
Facilitating change in couple therapy by understanding how the brain works to maintain—and break—old habits. Human brains and behavior are shaped by genetic predispositions and early experience. But we are not doomed by our genes or our past. Neuroscientific discoveries of the last decade have provided an optimistic and revolutionary view of adult brain function: People can change. This revelation about neuroplasticity offers hope to therapists and to couples seeking to improve their relationship. Loving With the Brain in Mind explores ways to help couples become proactive in revitalizing their relationship. It offers an in-depth understanding of the heartbreaking dynamics in unhappy couples and the healthy dynamics of couples who are flourishing. Sharing her extensive clinical experience and an integrative perspective informed by neuroscience and relationship science, Mona Fishbane gives us insight into the neurobiology underlying couples’ dances of reactivity. Readers will learn how partners become reactive and emotionally dysregulated with each other, and what is going on in their brains when they do. Clear and compelling discussions are included of the neurobiology of empathy and how empathy and selfregulation can be learned. Understanding neurobiology, explains Fishbane, can transform your clinical practice with couples and help you hone effective therapeutic interventions. This book aims to empower therapists— and the couples they treat—as they work to change interpersonal dynamics that drive them apart. Understanding how the brain works can inform the therapist’s theory of relationships, development, and change. And therapists can offer clients “neuroeducation” about their own reactivity and relationship distress and their potential for personal and relational growth. A gifted clinician and a particularly talented neuroscience writer, Dr. Fishbane presents complex material in an understandable and engaging manner. By anchoring her work in clinical cases, she never loses sight of the people behind the science.
Rather than viewing this response as an obstacle, the authors see it as both inevitable and productive. The book examines not only classic countertransference issues but also the ramifications of the therapist's values and experiences. With remarkable honesty, the contributors deal with illness, death, suicide, pregnancy, hatred, rage, envy, sexuality, lust, and burnout.
This book has been replaced by Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy, Sixth Edition, edited by Jay L. Lebow and Douglas K. Snyder, ISBN 978-1-4625-5012-8.
Integrative Couple Therapy in Action offers a comprehensive, user-friendly guide to handling the most common problems and crisis situations seen by couple therapists. Drawing on the latest literature and the author’s experience of over 40 years, Nielsen investigates what makes certain issues, such as sex, or situations, such as extramarital affairs, so stressful for clients and challenging for therapists. Unlike most graduate programs and texts on couple therapy that focus on theory and technique, Integrated Couple Therapy in Action fills in the details. The chapters cover common presenting problems (sex, money, children, and the stresses of time, work, and simply living together) and then discuss catastrophic crisis situations (couples reeling from affairs, contemplating divorce, divorcing, or living in stepfamilies after divorcing). Integrative Couple Therapy in Action provides one-stop shopping for readers of all skill levels interested in understanding the subject matter that bedevils so many couples.
A Roadmap for Couple Therapy offers a comprehensive, flexible, and user-friendly template for conducting couple therapy. Grounded in an in-depth review of the clinical and research literature, and drawing on the author’s 40-plus years of experience, it describes the three main approaches to conceptualizing couple distress and treatment—systemic, psychodynamic, and behavioral—and shows how they can be integrated into a model that draws on the best of each. Unlike multi-authored texts in which each chapter presents a distinct brand of couple therapy, this book simultaneously engages multiple viewpoints and synthesizes them into a coherent model. Covering fundamentals and advanced techniques, it speaks to both beginning therapists and experienced clinicians. Therapists will find A Roadmap for Couple Therapy an invaluable resource as they help distressed couples repair and revitalize their relationships.
The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship, now fully revised with a new forward and a brand new chapter. Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of people experience more satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists and happy couples around the world. Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt explain how to revive romance and remove negativity from daily interactions, to help you: · Discover why you chose your mate · Resolve the power struggle that prevents greater intimacy · Learn to listen – really listen – to your partner · Increase fun and laughter in your relationship · Begin healing early childhood experiences by stretching into new behaviors · Become passionate friends with your partner · Achieve a common vision of your dream relationship Become the most connected couple you know with this revolutionary guide, combining behavioral science, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neuroscience to help you and your partner recapture joy, enhance closeness, and experience the reward of a deeply fulfilling relationship.
Fed up with always falling for jerks? Ever wonder why your relationships seem to be a never-ending cycle of drama, heartbreak, and aloe vera tissues? You're not alone. Welcome to the “Asshole Magnets” club, where we explore why you keep choosing the wrong men and how to stop it. Inside You'll Find: – The secret science behind your bad choices – How rom-coms and media myths set you up for failure – Hilarious insights into the mind of an asshole – Practical tips to dodge the next disaster Packed with wit, wisdom, and laugh-out-loud moments, Why You Choose Assholes isn’t just another dating guide. It’s your ticket to breaking the cycle and finding the love you deserve. Ready to change your story? Stop repeating the past and start writing a new romantic future – one without assholes.
Drawing on cutting-edge neuroscience to understand psychotherapeutic change. Growth and change are at the heart of all successful psychotherapy. Regardless of one's clinical orientation or style, psychotherapy is an emerging process that s created moment by moment, between client and therapist. How People Change explores the complexities of attachment, the brain, mind, and body as they aid change during psychotherapy. Research is presented about the properties of healing relationships and communication strategies that facilitate change in the social brain. Contributions by Philip M. Bromberg, Louis Cozolino and Vanessa Davis, Margaret Wilkinson, Pat Ogden, Peter A. Levine, Russell Meares, Dan Hughes, Martha Stark, Stan Tatkin, Marion Solomon, and Daniel J. Siegel and Bonnie Goldstein.
