A hilarious collection of pet poems by wordplay wizard Brian Bilston. When you've got a bad case of the 'mews' and are in desperate need of a 'pup'-lifting read, this book is the 'ulti-mutt' remedy. The perfect gift for a dog person, cat person and every pet lover in between. Please don’t think me lazy, I’m not trying to slack – it’s just that I’m stuck, you see, under this cat. Let Sleeping Cats Lie is a collection of poems following the funny lives of our furry – and not so furry – friends. Stars include Wilf, the hypnotist Labracadabrador, a philosophically inclined goldfish penning a profound haiku, a hen named Barbara receiving an adoring tribute, and an 'octopussy' cat that seems to have all its paws in plenty of odd little pies.
You Took the Last Bus Home is the first and long-awaited collection of ingeniously hilarious and surprisingly touching poems from Brian Bilston, the mysterious ‘Poet Laureate of Twitter’. With endless wit, imaginative wordplay and underlying heartache, he offers profound insights into modern life, exploring themes as diverse as love, death, the inestimable value of a mobile phone charger, the unbearable torment of forgetting to put the rubbish out, and the improbable nuances of the English language. Constantly experimenting with literary form, Bilston’s words have been known to float off the page, take the shape of the subjects they explore, and reflect our contemporary world in the form of Excel spreadsheets, Venn diagrams and Scrabble tiles. This irresistibly charming collection of his best-loved poems will make you laugh out loud while making you question the very essence of the human condition in the twenty-first century.
It’s January 1st and Brian Bilston is convinced that this year his New Year’s resolution will change his life. Every day for a year, he will write a poem. It’s quite simple. Brian’s life certainly needs improving. His ex-wife has taken up with a new man, a motivational speaker and indefatigable charity fundraiser to boot; he seems to constantly disappoint his long-suffering son; and at work he is drowning in a sea of spreadsheets and management jargon. So poetry will be his salvation. But there is an obstacle in the form of Toby Salt, his arch nemesis at Poetry Club and rival suitor to Liz, Brian’s new poetic inspiration. When Toby goes missing, just after the announcement of the publication of his first collection, This Bridge No Hands Shall Cleave, Brian becomes the number one suspect. If he is to regain his reputation and to have a chance of winning Liz, he must find out what has happened to Toby before it is too late. Part tender love story, part murder mystery, part coruscating description of a wasted life, and interspersed with some of the funniest poems about the mundane and the profound, Diary of a Somebody is the most original novel you will read this or any year.
A funny collection of football poems by Brian Bilston, the unofficial Poet Laureate of Twitter. Perfect for football fans of all ages – from the young footie fanatic to a been-to-every-game-grandma, and every 'I could've been a pro' in between. Full of poems that will make you giggle about all things football, including being left out of the World Cup squad, mum's opinion on Messi vs Ronaldo, or those unmissable fixtures: I’d love nothing more than to go outside and spend time with Mother Nature. But what can I do? It’s out of my hands: Nigeria are playing Croatia 50 Ways to Score a Goal and Other Football Poems includes witty chants, a haiku or two, and fun shape poems about the beautiful game. Laugh together through the Euros or Premier League games, and swap the half-time pundits for puns! 'Bilston is a magician with words' – Guardian 'Someone who knows their way round both a joke and a bittersweet narrative.' – The Times
Companionship, love, labor, even survival--animals offer all of these and more. In Praise of Animals honors the animals in our lives. In this unique collection, Edward Searl has gathered poems, prose, blessings, chants--tributes of all kinds, ancient and modern. He explores the varied topics of pets, wildlife, stewardship, ecology, evolution, and the spiritual connection among all creatures. In Praise of Animals is the ideal gift for animal lovers of all kinds--from those who work with animals to those who are welcoming a new pet or grieving the loss of one, to nature lovers in general. Perfect for animal-blessing ceremonies and other rituals that honor the animal kingdom. * Inspiring selections culled from a variety of sources, ancient and modern. This collection features poetry and prose from across the ages and around the world and includes passages from fiction, science, and children's literature. * From pets to wildlife, an anthology unlike any other. Offers selections on mammals, insects, reptiles, amphibians, birds, work animals, and more. * Edward Searl is a seasoned minister of other successful collected anthologies on such topics as birth, marriage, and death. * Inspiring selections culled from a variety of sources, ancient and modern. This collection features poetry and prose from across the ages and around the world and includes passages from fiction, science, and children's literature. * From pets to wildlife, an anthology unlike any other. Offers selections on mammals, insects, reptiles, amphibians, birds, work animals, and more. * Edward Searl is a seasoned minister of other successful collected anthologies on such topics as birth, marriage, and death.
Animal lovers will laugh out loud at the quirkiness of their feline friends with these insightful and curious poems from the singular minds of funny cats. In this hilarious, bestselling book of tongue-in-cheek poetry. The author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behavior to ignorant humans. With titles like "Who Is That on Your Lap?," "This Is My Chair," "Kneel Before Me," "Nudge," and "Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs," the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat "authors" throughout, this whimsical animal book reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable). Ideal for that "crazy cat lady" or "cat mom/dad" in your life this collection of poems makes for the perfect cat-themed gift for anyone who's obsessed with our feline friends.
A New York Times bestseller? Oh, you know the dogs weren't going to let the cats get away with that! This canine companion to I Could Pee on This, the beloved volume of poems by cats, I Could Chew on This will have dog lovers laughing out loud. Doggie laureates not only chew on quite a lot of things, they also reveal their creativity, their hidden motives, and their eternal (and sometimes misguided) effervescence through such musings as "I Dropped a Ball," "I Lose My Mind When You Leave the House," and "Can You Smell That?" Accompanied throughout by portraits of the canine poets in all their magnificence, I Could Chew on This is a work of unbridled enthusiasm, insatiable appetite, and, yes, creative genius. Plus, this is a fixed-format version of the book, which looks nearly identical to the print version.
Marge Piercy, a writer who is highly praised as both a poet and a novelist, turns her gaze inward as she shares her thoughts on life and explores her development as a woman and writer. She pays tribute to the one loving constant that has offered her comfort and meaning even as the faces and events in her life have changed -- her beloved cats. With searing honesty, Piercy tells of her strained childhood growing up in a religiously split, working-class family in Detroit. She examines her myriad friendships and relationships, including two painful early marriages, and reveals their effects on her creativity and career. More than a reminiscence of things past, however, Sleeping With Cats is also a celebration of the present and the future, as Piercy shares her views on aging, creativity, and finding a lasting and improbable love with a man fourteen years younger than herself. A chronicle of the turbulent and exciting journey of one artist's life, Sleeping With Cats is a deeply intimate, unforgettable story.
Lesbian sex has been confounding people since the dawn of time. What is it that two women do together exactly? The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!) is a humorous guide to lesbian sex, dating rituals, and relationships, and aims to dispel all myths. Haiku paired with hilarious watercolor illustrations of cats in various stages of sexual awkwardness will enlighten, demystify, remystify, and most importantly entertain as you learn about all the aspects involved in girl-on-girl action. From lesbian pick-up lines: Pronounce Annie Proulx's name correctly—watch lady's cargo pants fall off. To icebreaker haiku for first dates: It has been MANY years, but I'm not done griping about The L Word. To, of course, the mechanics of lesbian sex: It's like straight sex but afterwards we ask ourselves, "We just had sex, right?" Lesbian sex is like water polo—no one really knows the rules. This laugh-out-loud book is the perfect gift to amuse and educate your friends, loved ones, and lovers.
