I Don't Care if My Sasquatch Lover Says the World is Exploding, She's Hot But I Play Bass and There's Nothing Hotter Right Now Than Rap-Rock
I Don't Care if My Sasquatch Lover Says the World is Exploding, She's Hot But I Play Bass and There's Nothing Hotter Right Now Than Rap-Rock

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher: The Dishes Are Done, Man!

Published: 2015-11-26

Total Pages: 117

ISBN-13:

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The adventure continues! Here it is, the long-awaited sequel to Lacey Noonan's hit: "I Don't Care if My Best Friend's Mom is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her (...Because It's the New Millennium)." After narrowly escaping with their lives from the Lemaire family, Jason and Starla are now in a race against time to find the rendezvous point that will get them to Starla’s homeland. Why? Because Earth is about to blow the hell up, that's why! Which doesn’t keep our two sweethearts, of course, from stopping every forty-five minutes to make sweet, crypto-zoological love in any pond, pool or river they can find. The fresh air, the free love, the freedom of their Japanese crotch rocket vibrating beneath them... It’s a hell of a way to travel. But something isn’t right. Jason is beginning to suspect Starla doesn’t actually know where she’s going. It’s obvious she’s hiding something from him. And then one fateful night—just as they’re about to make contact with "her people" in a weird yet sensual symbiosis of sound at the top of a pine tree—their lives are forever changed... Because that’s when Jason abruptly joins 311, currently on tour with the Lilith Fair. The Rap-Rock genre has always called to Jason. It aligns with his wild-man tendencies. It’s everything he’s ever dreamed of. But now he must choose between Starla and his Rock & Roll career! WHY? Why can’t he have both? Why is it either Starla’s way (which involves a lot of driving on the highway) or the highway? What’s going on? Is it the new millennium or not? Is Jason's wildness getting out of control? Dangerous, even? Is there anything else to eat besides squirrels? Why does Radiohead’s new album "Kid A" sound like evil computers sucking down gigabytes of whale dong? These questions and a sensitive portrait of what life was like at the dawn of the 21st century will leave you haunted, delighted and panting for more. Full of the acrobatic writing-style Lacey Noonan is known for, her scintillating turns of phrase that sparkle on the page and dribble off your kindle with gooberous joy, "I DON'T CARE IF MY SASQUATCH LOVER SAYS THE WORLD IS EXPLODING, SHE'S HOT BUT I'M A BASS PLAYER AND THERE'S NOTHING HOTTER RIGHT NOW THAN RAP-ROCK" is the greatest book you will read all millennium! BONUS: Contains a DEFINITIVE LIST of The Top 100 Bands of All-Time that will leave you breathless and panting for more. The New Millennium is really heating up.

I Don't Care If My Best Friend's Mom Is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her
I Don't Care If My Best Friend's Mom Is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher: The Dishes Are Done, Man!

Published: 2014-11-07

Total Pages: 64

ISBN-13:

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Life for Jason is one wild experience after another. But then one night he has a chance encounter with a person he thought was but a distant memory. The meeting dredges up a long-forgotten mystery, and suddenly he is trapped on a roller coaster of mystery, danger and wildness—more wildness than he ever knew existed! Now he is on the run with his star-crossed lover. Will they reach a shower in time, or will the natural heat that burns within her consume them both? Will his beautiful, bestial, furry lover tear him to pieces with her giant claws in a lusty rage? Or will she tenderly lather him up, rinse and clean his naked, muscular and strong (for a human) body with scented soaps in a ritual of her people going back thousands of generations in a shower appropriately large enough to fit him and the mysterious, yet tender and svelte creature together? Find out the answers to these questions only in this seriously wild, hot and bothered new novella from writer Lacey Noonan.

Haunted
Haunted

Author: Chuck Palahniuk

Publisher: Anchor

Published: 2005-05-03

Total Pages: 428

ISBN-13: 0385515839

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Haunted is a novel made up of twenty-three horrifying, hilarious, and stomach-churning stories. They’re told by people who have answered an ad for a writer’s retreat and unwittingly joined a “Survivor”-like scenario where the host withholds heat, power, and food. As the storytellers grow more desperate, their tales become more extreme, and they ruthlessly plot to make themselves the hero of the reality show that will surely be made from their plight. This is one of the most disturbing and outrageous books you’ll ever read, one that could only come from the mind of Chuck Palahniuk.

The Onion Book of Known Knowledge
The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

Author: The Onion

Publisher: Little, Brown

Published: 2012-10-23

Total Pages: 259

ISBN-13: 031613323X

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Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information -- such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

Placing the Academy
Placing the Academy

Author: Jennifer Sinor

Publisher:

Published: 2007-03-31

Total Pages: 352

ISBN-13:

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Twenty-one writers answer the call for literature that addresses who we are by understanding where we are--where, for each of them, being in some way part of academia. In personal essays, they imaginatively delineate and engage the diverse, occasionally unexpected play of place in shaping them, writers and teachers in varied environments, with unique experiences and distinctive world views, and reconfiguring for them conjunctions of identity and setting, here, there, everywhere, and in between. Contents I Introduction Writing Place, Jennifer Sinor II Here Six Kinds of Rain: Searching for a Place in the Academy, Kathleen Dean Moore and Erin E. Moore The Work the Landscape Calls Us To, Michael Sowder Valley Language, Diana Garcia What I Learned from the Campus Plumber, Charles Bergman M-I-Crooked Letter-Crooked Letter, Katherine Fischer On Frogs, Poems, and Teaching at a Rural Community College, Sean W. Henne III There Levittown Breeds Anarchists Film at 11:00, Kathryn T. Flannery Living in a Transformed Desert, Mitsuye Yamada A More Fortunate Destiny, Jayne Brim Box Imagined Vietnams, Charles Waugh IV Everywhere Teaching on Stolen Ground, Deborah A. Miranda The Blind Teaching the Blind: The Academic as Naturalist, or Not, Robert Michael Pyle Where Are You From? Lee Torda V In Between Going Away to Think, Scott Slovic Fronteriza Consciousness: The Site and Language of the Academy and of Life, Norma Elia Cantu Bones of Summer, Mary Clearman Blew Singing, Speaking, and Seeing a World, Janice M. Gould Making Places Work: Felt Sense, Identity, and Teaching, Jeffrey M. Buchanan VI Coda Running in Place: The Personal at Work, in Motion, on Campus, and in the Neighborhood, Rona Kaufman

Minor Histories
Minor Histories

Author: Mike Kelley

Publisher: MIT Press

Published: 2004-02-06

Total Pages: 468

ISBN-13: 9780262611985

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The second volume of writings by Los Angeles artist Mike Kelley, focusing on his own work. What John C. Welchman calls the "blazing network of focused conflations" from which Mike Kelley's styles are generated is on display in all its diversity in this second volume of the artist's writings. The first volume, Foul Perfection, contained thematic essays and writings about other artists; this collection concentrates on Kelley's own work, ranging from texts in "voices" that grew out of scripts for performance pieces to expository critical and autobiographical writings.Minor Histories organizes Kelley's writings into five sections. "Statements" consists of twenty pieces produced between 1984 and 2002 (most of which were written to accompany exhibitions), including "Ajax," which draws on Homer, Colgate- Palmolive, and Longinus to present its eponymous hero; "Some Aesthetic High Points," an exercise in autobiography that counters the standard artist bio included in catalogs and press releases; and a sequence of "creative writings" that use mass cultural tropes in concert with high art mannerisms—approximating in prose the visual styles that characterize Kelley's artwork. "Video Statements and Proposals" are introductions to videos made by Kelley and other artists, including Paul McCarthy and Bob Flanagan and Sheree Rose. "Image-Texts" offers writings that accompany or are part of artworks and installations. This section includes "A Stopgap Measure," Kelley's zestful millennial essay in social satire, and "Meet John Doe," a collage of appropriated texts. "Architecture" features an discussion of Kelley's Educational Complex (1995) and an interview in which he reflects on the role of architecture in his work. Finally, "Ufology" considers the aesthetics and sexuality of space as manifested by UFO sightings and abduction scenarios.

The Blacker the Robot the Moister the Oyster
The Blacker the Robot the Moister the Oyster

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher:

Published: 2017-02-22

Total Pages: 98

ISBN-13: 9781543263169

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The riveting saga continues! Holly wakes up in a dirt person motel in the middle of nowhere with her runaway Obamacare Sex Robot, half-naked, sweaty with bliss. The night before she'd taken it to new levels. But now she has serious misgivings. She thought she was doing the right thing by stealing the robot away from her criminally sex-crazed husband Bradley, but now the entire country is after her with pitchforks 'n tazers. The police are after her. The army is after her. The Obamacare Death Panels are after her. Fatass Bethany is after her with her weird, fluffy albino pimp friend. Things really heat up when Holly and her Bama-Bot 2000 take a cool, relaxing swim in a high-risk pool in the woods. Soon the water is boiling around them with pleasure and a love that daresn't speak its name. (I'm talking what happens when bodies start slapping, people.) And then things heat up even hotter than that when the Death Panel Goons surround Holly and her new electronic lover, threatening everything just when she's decided her life is finally back on track. In the waning days of the Obama administration, things are really heating up for young female, woman, girl-conservative Holly McQuerty and her runaway pleasure robot that looks suspiciously like our 44th president, and if she's not careful, she just may get woke something fierce in the process. And that goes for you too, Sissy McSnowflake. Trigger warning: Doppelg�nger fingerbangers.

How to Think about Weird Things
How to Think about Weird Things

Author: Schick, Jr. (Theodore)

Publisher: McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages

Published: 2010-05

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9780071289566

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This brief, inexpensive text helps the reader to think critically, using examples from the weird claims and beliefs that abound in our culture to demonstrate the sound evaluation of any claim. The authors focus on types of logical arguments and proofs, making How to Think about Weird Things a versatile supplement for logic, critical thinking, philosophy of science, or any other science appreciation courses.

Grimoire For The Apprentice Wizard
Grimoire For The Apprentice Wizard

Author: Oberon Zell-Ravenheart

Publisher: Red Wheel/Weiser

Published: 2004-02-04

Total Pages: 1062

ISBN-13: 1601639716

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Here is the book Merlin could have given a young Arthur . . . if only it had existed. Out of the millions of Harry Potter fans worldwide, there are tens of thousands who want to really do the magical things J.K. Rowling writes about. But would-be wizards must rely on information passed down from wizard elders. Is there a Hogwarts anywhere in the real world? A real Albus Dumbledore? Where is the book these aspiring wizards need? Luckily for all those fans, Oberon Zell-Ravenheart, today’s foremost genuine wizard, has written the essential handbook. What’s more, he has gathered some of the greatest names in Wicca—including Ellen Evert Hopman, Raymond Buckland, Raven Grimassi, Patricia Telesco, Jesse Wolf Hardin, Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, and many more into a modern-day “Grey Council” to publish for the first time everything an aspiring wizard needs to know. Lurking within the pages of Grimoire for the Apperntice Wizard are: Biographies of famous wizards of history and legend Detailed descriptions of magickal tools and regalia (with full instructions for making them) Rites and rituals for special occasions A bestiary of mythical creatures The Laws of Magick Myths and stories of gods and heroes Lore and legends of the stars and constellations Instruction for performing amazing illusions, special effects, and many other wonders of the magical multiverse Praise forGrimoire for the Apprentice Wizard “I can’t think of a better, more qualified person to write a Handbook for Apprentice Wizards. Oberon is a Wizard.” —Raymond Bucklland, author of Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft “Oberon is not only extremely learned in the magickal arts but he communicates that knowledge with wit and charm.” —Fiona Horne, author of Witch: A Magickal Journey and star of Mad, Mad, Mad House

A Cruzmas Carol
A Cruzmas Carol

Author: Lacey Noonan

Publisher: The Dishes Are Done, Man!

Published: 2015-12-16

Total Pages: 114

ISBN-13:

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What the dickens is wrong with sexy-man Ted Cruz? He’s got it all… The stunning good looks, the six-pack abs, the women draped all over him, the perfect record as a hard-balling, take-no-guff U.S. Senator. So why won’t he run for president? What’s his deal? Why’s he being such a Tedbenezer Scruz? At a party in his honor at Fizzywhigs—the exclusive Washington, D.C. club—Ted surprises one and all with a shocking announcement: He’s retiring from politics! The private sector is calling, its easy, greasy cash flow and lazy requirements are too seductive to pass up. But his plans are about to change. After a *hot* makeout sesh with his sexy staffer Roberta, Ted has a digestive emergency and sprints to the men’s room, where he runs into an old, long-dead coworker. Irritated, not heeding this magical spirit’s warnings, Ted is told he will be visited by three more ghosts before the night is over. Ted ignores these omens, and so within minutes is being sucked through glory hole after ol’ glory hole to the past, present and future to learn some heartwarming lessons about America, freedom and also American freedom. It will take everything that these three “spirits of the men’s room” have to bring Ted to his senses. It’s up to them—the Bathroom Attendants of Constitutionality Past, Present and Future—to warm his heart towards the world, to teach this perfect, sexy politician with the abs of a male model what it means to truly give oneself up to the greater good—and to award humanity with his manhood deep in the Oval Office. Rich with derisive and scintillating prose, and illustrated with 36 handsome drawings, “A Cruzmas Carol” by Lacey Noonan will leave you satisfied and panting for more. ’Tis the season… the POLITICAL season!