Author: Steve Lookner

Publisher:

Published: 2014-09-19

Total Pages: 160

ISBN-13: 9780692297834

"Amy? Hello?" I went inside and searched the entire place.Amy was gone.Hooray!!!!!***Meet Nick. He's kind of dumb. Meet his wife, Amy. She's kind of a bitch. One day Amy goes missing. What happened? Find out...in GONE BITCH!GONE BITCH is the hilarious new parody of Gone Girl which will have you on the edge of your seat AND rolling on the floor. All your favorite characters from Gone Girl are here...but way funnier!First off, there's NICK. Nick doesn't seem particularly upset that his wife is missing, or particularly anxious to find her. But he is perfectly willing to stop by the searches for Amy...because he can try to pick up girls there using lines like, "I'd like to search YOUR woods." Nick also loves lying to the police. For example, Nick's alibi for the morning Amy disappeared is that he was hang gliding, taking a karate lesson, and shooting a major motion picture with Keanu Reeves.There's also AMY, Nick's wife. Amy is basically the worst person ever. Which is unsurprising, since she's a really hot girl. Therefore her one goal in life is to make her hot girlfriends jealous, no matter what it takes. Would Amy really stoop so low as to frame Nick for murder just to make her hot girlfriends jealous? If you don't know the answer, then you haven't hung out with enough really hot girls.There's GO, Nick's sister. Go makes out with Nick a lot, but don't get the wrong idea: they are NOT having sex. (Although they do get to third base once in a while.)There's RAND and MARYBETH, Amy's parents, whose "Idiotic Amy" book series chronicles the embarrassing moments of Idiotic Amy, a girl who looks suspiciously like Amy and does embarrassing things suspiciously like things Amy has done. The books have been a huge success, with millions of girls worldwide buying volumes like "Idiotic Amy Wets The Bed" and "Idiotic Amy and the Guy She Had Sex With and Never Called Her Again".There's DESI COLLINGS, who's been stuck in the friend zone with Amy since kindergarten. Desi still hopes that one day Amy will come around and want to take things to another level, but tragically, he fails to realize that no guy ever escapes from the friend zone.And don't forget BONEY and GILPIN, the detectives investigating Amy's disappearance. They strongly suspect the "crime scene" in Nick's living room is fake, because it's pretty hard for a grand piano to flip upside down accidentally.With every page of GONE BITCH the tension builds:Will Nick go to jail?Will Amy ever return?Will Nick ever get over his diarrhea from eating a search volunteer's Frito pie?You'll want to keep reading to find out what happens, but you might not be able to stop laughing long enough to do so!Before you see the movie, read the book...that makes fun of the movie!Get GONE BITCH today!