Christmas is here, and Elinor Asheley's entire family has gathered at their country estate to celebrate. But when her arch nemesis arrives at the estate by chance, warm wishes and the holiday spirit are the last things on her mind. Elinor is determined to protect her family from him no matter how changed he claims to be. When the winter weather strands Hugh Sterling at the estate of the woman who hates him most in the world, his only wish is to escape the place unscathed. He is not the man he once was, and he will do everything he can to prove that to Elinor. But nothing can prepare him for the changes that spending his holiday with her will bring.
From Mallory Ortberg comes a collection of darkly mischievous stories based on classic fairy tales. Adapted from the beloved "Children's Stories Made Horrific" series, "The Merry Spinster" takes up the trademark wit that endeared Ortberg to readers of both The Toast and the best-selling debut Texts From Jane Eyre. The feature has become among the most popular on the site, with each entry bringing in tens of thousands of views, as the stories proved a perfect vehicle for Ortberg's eye for deconstruction and destabilization. Sinister and inviting, familiar and alien all at the same time, The Merry Spinster updates traditional children's stories and fairy tales with elements of psychological horror, emotional clarity, and a keen sense of feminist mischief. Readers of The Toast will instantly recognize Ortberg's boisterous good humor and uber-nerd swagger: those new to Ortberg's oeuvre will delight in this collection's unique spin on fiction, where something a bit mischievous and unsettling is always at work just beneath the surface. Unfalteringly faithful to its beloved source material, The Merry Spinster also illuminates the unsuspected, and frequently, alarming emotional complexities at play in the stories we tell ourselves, and each other, as we tuck ourselves in for the night. Bed time will never be the same.
When a man loves a spinster... Charlotte Wright has had enough. All of her friends have now married, leaving her the lone writer of the Spinster Chronicles who is still a true spinster. So she's decided it is time for her to join the ranks and get married, groom to be determined. She's an heiress, after all. How difficult could it be to find a husband? Michael Sandford has been there by Charlotte's side from the very beginning, loving her all the while even when she turned down his proposal. When she tells him of her plans to marry and marry soon, he begins to make plans himself. He cannot stand by and watch her marry someone else, so he's decided to distance himself from Charlotte entirely while she hunts for a husband... one that is not him. And Charlotte doesn't like that one bit.
Two best friends. Seven years of pining. One explosive summer… Romance is weakness, and Jasmine Allen doesn’t have time for either. Lifelong cynic Jas is the queen of one-night things—until a plumbing disaster screws everything up and leaves her temporarily homeless. Luckily, she has someone to turn to: her best friend Rahul. For seven years, Rahul Khan has followed three simple rules. Don’t touch Jasmine if you can help it. Don’t look at her arse in that skirt. And don’t ever—ever—tell her you love her. He should’ve added another rule: Do not, under any circumstances, let Jas move into your house. Now Rahul is living with the friend he can’t have, and it’s decimating his control. He knows their shared dinners aren’t dates, their late-night kisses are a mistake, and the tenderness in Jasmine’s gaze is only temporary. One wrong word could send his skittish best friend running. So why is he tempted to risk it all?
Poor, unfortunate Spinster... Prudence Westfall, spinster, has unexpectedly had the greatest misfortune of all: she has inherited a fortune, and is now an heiress. But as a Spinster, and a stammering shy one, nothing could be worse than having a bevy of suitors pay her attention. Opportunity strikes at a house party when the most unlikely person offers the perfect solution. Camden Vale is no gentleman, and he's not prone to saving anyone, but something about Prue changes all that. When his offer to befriend her extends beyond the house party, and his feelings extend beyond expectation, no one is more surprised than he. Except, perhaps, for the other Spinsters, and they have much to say on the subject.
The Spinster next door... Grace Morledge is a failure. Or so her father believes, as she is unmarried despite her many advantages. In his mind, Grace must have significant flaws to be a spinster, and something must be done about them. To her mortification, he demands she be fully examined and all her flaws recorded. And the man he chooses is the worst possible candidate of all. Aubrey Flint, Lord Ingram, has known Grace since childhood, but he never anticipated Lord Trenwick demand he examine her for flaws. How can perfection have faults? Reluctantly, he accepts the assignment and finds far more than he bargained for, as perfection becomes more and more tempting.
“One of our smartest, most inventive humor writers, Ortberg combines bathos and the devotional into a revelation.” —Jordy Rosenberg, The New York Times Book Review From the New York Times bestselling author of Texts From Jane Eyre and Merry Spinster, writer of Slate’s “Dear Prudence” column, and cofounder of The Toast comes a hilarious and stirring collection of essays and cultural observations spanning pop culture—from the endearingly popular to the staggeringly obscure. Daniel M. Lavery is known for blending genres, forms, and sources to develop fascinating new hybrids—from lyric rants to horror recipes to pornographic scripture. In his most personal work to date, he turns his attention to the essay, offering vigorous and laugh-out-loud funny accounts of both popular and highbrow culture while mixing in meditations on gender transition, family dynamics, and the many meanings of faith. From a thoughtful analysis of the beauty of William Shatner to a sinister reimagining of HGTV’s House Hunters, and featuring figures as varied as Anne of Green Gables, Columbo, Nora Ephron, Apollo, and the cast of Mean Girls, Something That May Shock and Discredit You is a hilarious and emotionally exhilarating compendium that combines personal history with cultural history to make you see yourself and those around you entirely anew. It further establishes Lavery as one of the most innovative and engaging voices of his generation—and it may just change the way you think about Lord Byron forever.
“Empowering, subversive. . . . Lavery twists fairy tales into elegant garrotes . . . There’s not a single weak link in the cat’s-breath chain of this collection.” —The New York Times Book Review Adapted from the beloved “Children’s Stories Made Horrific” series, The Merry Spinster takes up the trademark wit that endeared Daniel M. Lavery to readers of both The Toast and the bestselling Texts from Jane Eyre. Sinister and inviting, familiar and alien all at the same time, The Merry Spinster twists traditional children’s stories and fairy tales with elements of psychological horror, emotional clarity, and a keen sense of feminist mischief. Unfalteringly faithful to its beloved source material, The Merry Spinster also illuminates the unsuspected and frequently alarming emotional complexities at play in the stories we tell ourselves, and each other, as we tuck ourselves in for the night. “A wholly satisfying blend of silliness, feminist critique, and deft prose makes this a collection of bedtime stories that will keep you up at night for all the right reasons.” —Kirkus Reviews, starred review “Lavery’s sly, scathing renditions . . . strike directly at the heart. . . . The book brings the shock of the new and the shock of recognition into play at the same time; it’s a tour de force of skill, daring, and hard-earned bravura.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review) “Dark and dreadful and persistently clever. Lavery bloodily turns familiar tales inside out.” —Rainbow Rowell, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of Carry On “Subversive fun.” —Ms Magazine “Twisted tales that will shock and delight you.” —Esquire “Feminist fairy tales? Just what the doctor ordered.” —ELLE “Primordial, oppressive, and funny.” —Boris Kachka, New York Magazine
A resourceful spinster, a battle-scarred officer, a scandalous secret … and some of the worst food in England! Matilda Chapple is orphaned, penniless, and dependent on her uncle’s meager charity—but she’s finally found a way to earn her livelihood. With the help of an old diary and a lurid novel she’ll write her way to financial independence! When Mattie pens a series of racy short stories, she starts earning money ... and notoriety. Her secret is safe—until battle-scarred Waterloo veteran, Edward Kane, agrees to uncover the anonymous author’s identity. Can Mattie conceal the secret of her scandalous writings, or will Edward discover that the respectable spinster and the risqué authoress are one and the same person? A sensual and deeply emotional Regency romance from award-winning and USA Today bestselling author Emily Larkin. Length: A full-length novel of 71,000 words Heat level: A Regency romance with steamy love scenes If you love richly detailed historical romances brimming with passion, humor, emotion, and compelling characters, then this is the novel for you! (The Spinster’s Secret is the second book in the Midnight Quill Trio, but may be read as a standalone.)
