Gnomes in the Barn

Gnomes in the Barn

Author: Gene Olsen

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

Published: 2013-05-23

Total Pages: 54

ISBN-13: 1483643336

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INTRODUCTIONS TO GNOMES (if you need one) How big are Gnomes? Not very. A Gnome can ride on the back of a duck. Three Gnomes can ride on a goose. They claim that twenty can ride on a horse. But how would they get up on a horse? I don't know. If you place your thumb on the table and stretch out your little finger as high as it will go, that is about as tall as a Gnome at your age. What do Gnomes look like? Gnomes look like people do. But they have slightly larger noses and cheeks. If they were as big as we are, which they think is much too big, they would look a lot like Santa Claus without the beard. Each gnome family has its favorite color and all the clothing that family wears is in that color with white trim. What do they eat? First, they eat six meals a day. Gnomes love pancakes. They make them in many shapes and varieties. They are also very fond of rice pudding. In the last one hundred years, they have developed a taste for chocolate, especially in or on pancakes. As a rule, if a food is sweet, it is OK. Do Gnome children go to school? Only one day a year. This is one of the reasons that they think that we are not very bright. In one day, Gnome children learn the proper method of eating pancakes and how to take naps. They do not understand why it takes our children years to learn the same things. What do Gnomes think of us? They think that we are big and clumsy, which is partly true. They think that we are loud, which we are. They think that our real purpose in life is to build barns for them to sleep in and to produce and food for them to eat, which is exactly what we do.


Nonna the Gnome

Nonna the Gnome

Author: M. K. Denham

Publisher: Monica Denham

Published: 2009-01-31

Total Pages: 119

ISBN-13: 1440476705

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Life on a farm is tough for the farmers, but even worse for the gnomes who live hidden; working to improve the lives of the animals, and humans, on the farm while trying to remain undiscovered. When Nonna, a 10 year old gnome girl, accidentally shows herself to the farmer, extreme measures have to be taken to sort the problem out. Which is not made any easier when Nonna decides to run away to spare her family the shame.


The Waking Magic

The Waking Magic

Author: K.C. Lannon

Publisher: K.C. Lannon

Published:

Total Pages: 302

ISBN-13:

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Everyone is drawn to magic for a reason. As Deirdre, James, Iain, and Alvey travel to the Wayfaring Festival, seeking answers for the brothers and magical materials for Alvey, forces Fae and human close in. Deirdre's fight to control her magic evolves as she begins to connect with it on a deeper level. Yet she risks losing everything to General Callaghan, the leader of the Iron Guard, who hunts her to harness her power into a weapon. Meanwhile, James begins his own quest for magic, drawing him closer to the Master, a sinister being who holds the fates of James and his mother.Joining the group is Cai, a wandering swordsman connected to the mysterious amulet Iain found hidden in an Unseelie dwarf's treasure horde. As Iain is faced with the ever-increasing danger of their journey, he believes the skilled, if uncooperative, man could secure both their safety and an end to the war before it begins. But facing imminent dangers both within and around the group, each of them is forced to make decisions that will alter their journey and even the fate of the country. This is the third installment in the seven-book Winter's Blight series.


Be Serious

Be Serious

Author: Stephanie Hayes

Publisher: Creators Publishing

Published: 2023-10-01

Total Pages: 326

ISBN-13:

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Side part or middle part? Is Kohl’s Cash the mark of the beast? What book should be banned next? Can Mickey Mouse be stopped? Stephanie Hayes runs toward the messiest debates in our culture. This collection of short essays from the acclaimed Tampa Bay Times and Creators Syndicate columnist will take you on a journey through moments absurd, solemn and somewhere in between. Wielding a mix of droll humor and thought-provoking observation, Hayes side-eyes American life and zeroes in on her home state of Florida, where realities are often too farcical to believe. Hayes speaks across generations, making even the heaviest topics feel digestible in a world where daily news goes down like a spoonful of knives.


When A Gnome Follows You Home

When A Gnome Follows You Home

Author: Carleen Irwin

Publisher: Gatekeeper Press

Published: 2023-10-26

Total Pages: 33

ISBN-13: 1662928718

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Bimble is not a regular gnome, like the kind in fairytales or nursery rhymes. You won’t find him at a gardening store. And lastly, he’s not a Christmas decoration! Bimble is a quirky gnome with a heart of gold, strong sense of humor, and a passion for adventure, always living life to its fullest. When he’s excited, he might break out into a fit of singing and dancing. He’s always making a fashion statement with his crazy collection of gnome hats. He tries to use his gnome magic for good, but sometimes causes a little trouble. Of course, his favorite place to be is in a garden, but Bimble is looking for a new place to live. Find out what kind of craziness can happen when a gnome follows you home.


Gnome Alone

Gnome Alone

Author: Kirsten Weiss

Publisher: misterio press

Published: 2021-10-31

Total Pages: 424

ISBN-13: 1944767703

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Christmas is coming… and so is murder… It’s holiday season in small-town Doyle, and the town is pivoting from UFO tourism to Bigfoot Days. What’s the owner of a UFO-themed B&B to do? Stop the shift, of course. And control-freak Susan Witsend is just the woman to put the alien back in… Christmas? But when Bigfoot is blamed for a mass garden gnome theft, Susan is drafted to track down the kidnapped gnomes. The holiday season hits another sour note with the murder of a member of her caroling group. Are Susan’s organization skills up to juggling missing gnomes and tracking down a killer in time to ring in the festivities? Because as Susan and friends unwrap motives and alibis, she finds herself adding more names to the naughty list. She may have to face some hard truths about her own limits and about just how far a not-so-jolly killer will go… Gnome Alone is book five in the laugh-out-loud Wits’ End mystery series. A fast-paced and funny mystery packed with quirky characters, pets, and murder, it’s perfect for fans of Jana DeLeon, Janet Evanovich, and Donna Andrews. Get cozy and beam up this hilarious mystery today! Susan’s Bigfoot Investigation Protocol at the back of the book!


A World Apart

A World Apart

Author: Richard Pearce

Publisher: Balboa Press

Published: 2012-10

Total Pages: 105

ISBN-13: 1452507066

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This book is for the lighthearted bedtime reader of any age. The poems are some of several hundred written over many years. Some of the short stories are recent, others were written as long ago as the 1980s. Only in recent times did Richard and Roy discover they both liked to put their thoughts onto paper, so it seemed a logical step to combine some of their work and get it into print. This is Richard’s second publication along similar lines.


No Country for Old Gnomes

No Country for Old Gnomes

Author: Kevin Hearne

Publisher: Del Rey

Published: 2019-04-16

Total Pages: 435

ISBN-13: 1524797782

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Go big or go gnome. The New York Times bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy welcome you to the world of Pell, the irreverent fantasy universe that recalls Monty Python and Terry Pratchett. “A complete delight, as fluffy and fun as The Lego Movie and as heartfelt as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.”—Locus War is coming, and it’s gonna be Pell. On one side stand the gnomes: smol, cheerful, possessing tidy cardigans and no taste for cruelty. On the other side sit the halflings, proudly astride their war alpacas, carrying bags of grenades and hungry for a fight. And pretty much anything else. It takes only one halfling bomb and Offi Numminen’s world is turned upside down—or downside up, really, since he lives in a hole in the ground. His goth cardigans and aggressive melancholy set him apart from the other gnomes, as does his decision to fight back against their halfling oppressors. Suddenly Offi is the leader of a band of lovable misfits and outcasts—from a gryphon who would literally kill for omelets to a young dwarf herbalist who is better with bees than with his cudgel to an assertive and cheerful teen witch with a beard as long as her book of curses—all on a journey to the Toot Towers to confront the dastardly villain intent on tearing Pell asunder. These adventurers never fit in anywhere else, but as they become friends, fight mermaids, and get really angry at this one raccoon, they learn that there’s nothing more heroic than being yourself. In No Country for Old Gnomes, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly tweak the tropes of fantasy and fairy tales. Here you’ll find goofy jokes and whimsical puns, but you’ll also find a diverse, feminist, and lighthearted approach to fantasy that will bring a smile to your face and many fine cheeses to your plate.