Power struggles between parents and teens are nothing new, but chronic control battles are destructive to teen development as well as the entire family. According to psychotherapist Neil Brown, these battles occur as the result of self-perpetuating negative relationship patterns. This book will help you understand and end the painful tug-of-war with your teen and foster a peaceful and loving home environment.
"Full of practical expectations ... Warmly recommended." —Library Journalstarred review Power struggles between parents and teens are nothing new, but chronic control battles are destructive to teen development as well as the entire family. According to psychotherapist Neil Brown, these battles occur as the result of self-perpetuating negative relationship patterns. Chock-full of powerful and easy-to-use evidence-based tools, this book will help you understand and end the painful tug-of-war with your teen and foster a peaceful and loving home environment. In virtually all families, there are moments when teens are unhappy with parental limits, rules, and requests—as well as times when those kids are disobedient or noncompliant, or get caught up in the moment and make bad decisions. But the parent-teen control battle goes beyond this; it’s a chronic relationship pattern that uses up the family’s emotional resources and can seriously impact child identity, self-esteem, and development, resulting in destructive behavior and causing stress for everyone around. This book offers a thorough understanding of the control battle and a clear prescription to end it. With Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle, you’ll learn about the three elements that support this chronic conflict—reactivity, negative emotional tone, and being “other-person focused”—and discover the two key changes that can be made to address the underlying issues, allowing you to move toward a more positive way of seeing your teen while creating vital behavioral change. Using tools based in structural family therapy (SFT), which targets the core relationship pattern driving the control battle, you’ll be able to address specific issues and create a healthier pattern. If you’re tired of the constant battle for control and you’re ready to cultivate a more loving, peaceful, and supportive environment for the whole family, this book has the skills and understanding you need to be successful, no matter what you and your teen face.
"There are times when parenting seems nothing more than feeding the mouth that bites you." - Peter De VriesParenting teenagers can be hard. Maybe you already know that. The question is, does adolescence really need to be a frustrating time for parents and teenagers? If your child isn't a teenager yet, can you make preparations now to avoid many of the pitfalls parents of adolescents go through? With so much information and differing viewpoints, how can a parent really know that they are "doing it right?"In Feeding The Mouth That Bites You, Dr. Ken Wilgus outlines a clear and practical path through the confusion of parenting adolescents in today's world. Engaging, accessible, and funny, Feeding The Mouth That Bites You summarizes Dr. Wilgus's best teachings on how to parent teenagers, collected over twenty-five years of work with adolescents and their families as well as two decades of teaching on parenting.Though trends and technology will always change, the adolescent need for autonomy remains the one foundational issue that is the largest obstacle to a healthy parent/teenager relationship. Feeding The Mouth That Bites You explains this need and the effect it has on a wide range of teenage behavior. Dr. Wilgus clearly outlines his method for safely and effectively meeting this need: Planned Emancipation. Once parents clearly understand adolescents' needs and know how to respond, parenting a teenager becomes much less frustrating. Even their teenagers join in to help out!Knowing what your teenager needs and being able to provide for that need is truly the art of Feeding The Mouth That Bites You.
A psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting issues joins forces with a physician and bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the lives of our children. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the solutions. Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards a source of authority, contact and warmth. Something has changed. One can sense it, one can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our parents seemed more confident, more certain of themselves and had more impact on us, for better or for worse. For many, parenting does not feel natural. Adults through the ages have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real? -- from Hold On to Your Kids
Homework can be one of the most frustrating of all problem areas for chidlren and parents. In this helpful guide, Rosemond warns against parental interference and demonstrates ways to help children learn to work on their own and to take responsibility for getting the work done themselves.
Children have a strong need to be in control of their own lives. Power struggles between parents and children most often occur in the toddler and teen years, but can happen at any time. This book is for parents whose children push for control beyond the limits of their development and maturity or beyond the parents' comfort level.Without clear guidance from parents, children flounder. However, children who are allowed to make some decisions are more willing to go along with parents when it comes to big decisions concerning safety, values, and conduct. Everyone benefits when a battle of wills can be avoided.
PARENTING NEVER ENDS. From the founders of the #1 site for parents of teens and young adults comes an essential guide for building strong relationships with your teens and preparing them to successfully launch into adulthood The high school and college years: an extended roller coaster of academics, friends, first loves, first break-ups, driver’s ed, jobs, and everything in between. Kids are constantly changing and how we parent them must change, too. But how do we stay close as a family as our lives move apart? Enter the co-founders of Grown and Flown, Lisa Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington. In the midst of guiding their own kids through this transition, they launched what has become the largest website and online community for parents of fifteen to twenty-five year olds. Now they’ve compiled new takeaways and fresh insights from all that they’ve learned into this handy, must-have guide. Grown and Flown is a one-stop resource for parenting teenagers, leading up to—and through—high school and those first years of independence. It covers everything from the monumental (how to let your kids go) to the mundane (how to shop for a dorm room). Organized by topic—such as academics, anxiety and mental health, college life—it features a combination of stories, advice from professionals, and practical sidebars. Consider this your parenting lifeline: an easy-to-use manual that offers support and perspective. Grown and Flown is required reading for anyone looking to raise an adult with whom you have an enduring, profound connection.
"To think of PDA as merely involving demand avoidance is to me akin to thinking of tigers as merely having stripes." This book is a unique window into adult Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), exploring the diversity of distinct PDA traits through the voices of over 70 people living with and affected by the condition. Sally Cat, an adult with PDA, has successfully captured the essence of a popular online support group in book form, making the valuable insights available to a wider audience, and creating a much-needed resource for individuals and professionals. Candid discussions cover issues ranging from overload and meltdowns, to work, relationships and parenting. This is a fascinating and sometimes very moving read.
Solve toddler challenges with eight key mindshifts that will help you parent with clarity, calmness, and self-control. In Why is My Child in Charge?, Claire Lerner shows how making critical mindshifts—seeing children’s behaviors through a new lens —empowers parents to solve their most vexing childrearing challenges. Using real life stories, Lerner unpacks the individualized process she guides parents through to settle common challenges, such as throwing tantrums in public, delaying bedtime for hours, refusing to participate in family mealtimes, and resisting potty training. Lerner then provides readers with a roadmap for how to recognize the root cause of their child’s behavior and how to create and implement an action plan tailored to the unique needs of each child and family. Why is My Child in Charge? is like having a child development specialist in your home. It shows how parents can develop proven, practical strategies that translate into adaptable, happy kids and calm, connected, in-control parents.
A groundbreaking guide to raising responsible, capable, happy kids Based on the latest research on brain development and extensive clinical experience with parents, Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe—or even punish. This remarkable guide will help parents better understand their own emotions—and get them in check—so they can parent with healthy limits, empathy, and clear communication to raise a self-disciplined child. Step-by-step examples give solutions and kid-tested phrasing for parents of toddlers right through the elementary years. If you’re tired of power struggles, tantrums, and searching for the right “consequence,” look no further. You’re about to discover the practical tools you need to transform your parenting in a positive, proven way.
