Power struggles between parents and teens are nothing new, but chronic control battles are destructive to teen development as well as the entire family. According to psychotherapist Neil Brown, these battles occur as the result of self-perpetuating negative relationship patterns. This book will help you understand and end the painful tug-of-war with your teen and foster a peaceful and loving home environment.
"Full of practical expectations ... Warmly recommended." —Library Journalstarred review Power struggles between parents and teens are nothing new, but chronic control battles are destructive to teen development as well as the entire family. According to psychotherapist Neil Brown, these battles occur as the result of self-perpetuating negative relationship patterns. Chock-full of powerful and easy-to-use evidence-based tools, this book will help you understand and end the painful tug-of-war with your teen and foster a peaceful and loving home environment. In virtually all families, there are moments when teens are unhappy with parental limits, rules, and requests—as well as times when those kids are disobedient or noncompliant, or get caught up in the moment and make bad decisions. But the parent-teen control battle goes beyond this; it’s a chronic relationship pattern that uses up the family’s emotional resources and can seriously impact child identity, self-esteem, and development, resulting in destructive behavior and causing stress for everyone around. This book offers a thorough understanding of the control battle and a clear prescription to end it. With Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle, you’ll learn about the three elements that support this chronic conflict—reactivity, negative emotional tone, and being “other-person focused”—and discover the two key changes that can be made to address the underlying issues, allowing you to move toward a more positive way of seeing your teen while creating vital behavioral change. Using tools based in structural family therapy (SFT), which targets the core relationship pattern driving the control battle, you’ll be able to address specific issues and create a healthier pattern. If you’re tired of the constant battle for control and you’re ready to cultivate a more loving, peaceful, and supportive environment for the whole family, this book has the skills and understanding you need to be successful, no matter what you and your teen face.
It’s time to say NO to trying to fit square-peg kids into rounds holes, and YES to raising them from a place of acceptance and joy. Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn’t embrace who they really are. They are the one in five “differently wired” children with ADHD, dyslexia, giftedness, autism, anxiety, or other neurodifferences, and their challenges are many. And for the parents who love them, the challenges are just as numerous, as they struggle to find the right school, the right support, the right path. But now there’s hope. Differently Wired is a revolutionary book—weaving together personal stories and a tool kit of expert advice from author Deborah Reber, it’s a how-to, a manifesto, and a reassuring companion for parents who can so often feel that they have no place to turn. At the heart of Differently Wired are 18 paradigm-shifting ideas—what the author calls “tilts,” which include how to accept and lean in to your role as a parent (#2: Get Out of Isolation and Connect). Deal with the challenges of parenting a differently wired child (#5: Parent from a Place of Possibility Instead of Fear). Support yourself (#11: Let Go of Your Impossible Expectations for Who You “Should” Be as a Parent). And seek community (#18: If It Doesn’t Exist, Create It). Taken together, it’s a lifesaving program to shift our thinking and actions in a way that not only improves the family dynamic, but also allows children to fully realize their best selves. “In this generous and urgent book, Deborah Reber lets the light in. She helps parents see that they’re not alone, and even better, delivers a positive action plan that will change lives.”—Seth Godin, author of Linchpin “Differently Wired will help parents of children who think differently to accept their child for who they are and facilitate their successful development.”—Temple Grandin, author of Thinking in Pictures and The Autistic Brain
A psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting issues joins forces with a physician and bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the lives of our children. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the solutions. Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards a source of authority, contact and warmth. Something has changed. One can sense it, one can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our parents seemed more confident, more certain of themselves and had more impact on us, for better or for worse. For many, parenting does not feel natural. Adults through the ages have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real? -- from Hold On to Your Kids
The teenage years have a lot in common with the terrible twos. During both stages our kids are doing exciting new things, but they're also pushing boundaries (and buttons) and throwing tantrums. The major developmental task facing both age groups is also the same: kids must pull away from parents and begin to assert their own independence. No wonder they sometimes act as if they think they're the center of the universe. This book gives you the facts and an approach to talk about these topics: Sources of teen stress Social media issues Peer pressure Drugs and alcohol use Sex and sexual assault Bullies and cyberbullying Mental health issues, including depression and suicide
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • AN ALL-ENCOMPASSING GUIDE THAT PARENTS WILL WANT FOR THEIR TEENS This thorough, concise guide offers straight talk about: • The male and female body as it changes and matures. • Teen relationships: what it takes to create happy, supportive, positive, and meaningful connections with family, friends, and others. • Identity empowerment: how to be authentic and thrive in today’s world. • Sex and sexuality for boys and girls: how teens should take care of their bodies, embrace their experiences, and strengthen self-esteem. • Strategies for working through the toughest challenges, including bullying, sexual abuse, eating disorders, pregnancy, and more. Praise for Being a Teen “A frank and candid resource for adolescents.”—People “Fonda’s warmth and love for the teen community is evident.”—Publishers Weekly “Clear, practical, and riveting, Being a Teen cuts away at myth, enhances teens’ self-esteem, and arms them with a trove of useful information. Beautifully organized . . . Any parent, teacher, coach, or doctor needs to read this authoritative guide. What a lifesaver for our boys and girls!”—William S. Pollack, PhD, author of the international bestseller Real Boys and Associate Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School “Being a Teen should be in the hands of every teen in the world. It is a myth-busting, fact-filled treasure full of life information all teens want and need to know.”—Christiane Northrup, M.D., New York Times bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom “Clear, unflinching, and nonjudgmental . . . a reliable guide to the turbulent physical and social transitions of adolescence.”—Michael Kimmel, Distinguished Professor of Sociology and Gender Studies, Stony Brook University, and author of Guyland “A comprehensive, honest, fun-to-read book for today’s teenagers. This delightful book will be used again and again.”—The Reverend Debra W. Haffner, president, Religious Institute, and author of From Diapers to Dating “Detailed, accurate and practical . . . an excellent resource.”—Paul Kivel, author of Boys Will Be Men
Solve toddler challenges with eight key mindshifts that will help you parent with clarity, calmness, and self-control. In Why is My Child in Charge?, Claire Lerner shows how making critical mindshifts—seeing children’s behaviors through a new lens —empowers parents to solve their most vexing childrearing challenges. Using real life stories, Lerner unpacks the individualized process she guides parents through to settle common challenges, such as throwing tantrums in public, delaying bedtime for hours, refusing to participate in family mealtimes, and resisting potty training. Lerner then provides readers with a roadmap for how to recognize the root cause of their child’s behavior and how to create and implement an action plan tailored to the unique needs of each child and family. Why is My Child in Charge? is like having a child development specialist in your home. It shows how parents can develop proven, practical strategies that translate into adaptable, happy kids and calm, connected, in-control parents.
A look at the human sense of time, a biological rhythm that may follow a different beat from that dictated by external, "official," "objective" timepieces. Time and Place—Timeplace—is a continuum of the mind, as fundamental as the spacetime that may be the ultimate reality of the material world.Kevin Lynch's book deals with this human sense of time, a biological rhythm that may follow a different beat from that dictated by external, "official," "objective" timepieces. The center of his interest is on how this innate sense affects the ways we view and change—or conserve, or destroy—our physical environment, especially in the cities.
The teenage years. . . parents fear this stage, dreading it even while watching their adorable toddlers explore the world. When it arrives, they try to control their teenager, in turn causing their teenager to push back more intensely. It's a natural instinct on both sides: teenagers are changing in every way while trying to assert their independence, and parents are faced with the challenge of coming up with rules, expectations, and standards for behavior without a genuine understanding of what is happening. But the result of this pattern is a parent-child relationship defined by conflict and reactivity--a breeding ground for stress, anger, and anxiety, all of which reinforcing those same cultural stereotypes and worst fears. But it doesn't have to be this way. In this book, family therapist Darby Fox challenges parents to redefine the goals of adolescence by reorienting their focus from what they want their child to be to on who they want their child to be. Darby not only equips parents with the insight to understand the changes taking place in their child's brain and body and support their adolescent's bid for independence, but also offers an approach that allows parents to engage their adolescent in a relationship instead of struggling in an endless battle for control. The book is organized around a series of persistent myths about adolescence, each of which the author tears down with a combination of cutting edge neuroscience research, developmental psychology, and her own mix of clinical observations and experience raising four children. Darby offers a new model for the parent-child relationship, encouraging parents to let go of the attempt to control their teenager and focus instead on creating mutual respect, providing structure and nurture, and encouraging independence in their developing teenager. She walks through the keys to combining structure and nurture and teaches parents how to connect with their teen while holding them accountable for their behavior. If parents approach teen years with the same thoughtful preparation, sense of awe and wonder, and responsibility that they do the early childhood years, it can be an enjoyable and rewarding developmental stage that deepens, rather than damages, parent-child relationships.
From leading researchers, this book presents important advances in understanding how growing up in a discordant family affects child adjustment, the factors that make certain children more vulnerable than others, and what can be done to help. It is a state-of-the-science follow-up to the authors' seminal earlier work, Children and Marital Conflict: The Impact of Family Dispute and Resolution. The volume presents a new conceptual framework that draws on current knowledge about family processes; parenting; attachment; and children's emotional, physiological, cognitive, and behavioral development. Innovative research methods are explained and promising directions for clinical practice with children and families are discussed.
