A variety of evidence, including the authors' own clinical work and their recent research, is presented to consider how symptoms, including sexual problems, may evolve as a way of balancing power in intimate relationships.
This book offers a detailed road map for overcoming sexual and relationship impasses originating from painful childhood experiences. Large numbers of adults with histories of childhood trauma and neglect suffer persistent relationship and sexual difficulties. Unfortunately, most have failed to receive adequate help with emerging from these deep and complex problems. Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect explores the enduring impacts—physiological, psychological, and behavioral—of childhood trauma and neglect. Author Ruth Cohn, drawing on 25 years of experience working with trauma survivors and their partners and families, lays out a practical and actionable course for recovery in clear, accessible language. This book provides direction and hope to those with trauma backgrounds while also serving as a unique resource for professional readers. Integrating in-depth information on attachment and relationship, trauma and neglect, and sexuality, Cohn details a practical, hands-on treatment approach for revitalizing love, health, and passion.
"[A] comprehensive, critical, empirical, and practical compilation of investigations about how diverse couples are trying to implement change and pursue equality in their relationships." -Katherine R. Allen, PhD Virginia Polytechnic Institute & State University "[A] true gift to couple researchÖ.The studies reported in this marvelously disciplined collection hold living implications for couples and their therapists." -Evan Imber-Black Director, Center for Families and Health, Ackerman Institute for the Family While numerous couples strive for equality in their relationships, many are unaware of the insidious ways in which gender and power still affect them-from their career choices to communication patterns, child-rearing, housework, and more. Written for mental health professionals and others interested in contemporary couple relationships, this research-based book shows how couples are able to move beyond the dangers of gendered inequality and the legacy of hidden male power. The book analyzes the relationships of couples from various racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds. The contributors present innovative clinical interventions, and suggest strategies therapists can use to help couples transform their relationships from being gender-based to equality-based. Explores these key issues: The risks of being in a relationship ruled by "gender legacy" behavior The differences between couples who get caught in gender legacy patterns and those who do not Gender-based patterns across the life cycle, including newly formed couples; early marriage; child-rearing; mothering and fathering Gendered power in couples dealing with illness; ethnic and racial differences; immigration and displacement issues
One of the nation's leading legal scholars and political insiders offers an urgent, frank, and impassioned book about men and women and how power is divided between them.
American culture is more sexually liberal than ever. But compared to men, women's sexual pleasure has not grown: Up to 40 percent of American women experience the sexual malaise clinically known as low sexual desire. Between this low desire, muted pleasure, and experiencing sex in terms of labor rather than of lust, women by the millions are dissatisfied with their erotic lives. For too long, this deficit has been explained in terms of women's biology, stress, and age. In The Pleasure Gap, Katherine Rowland rejects the idea that women should settle for diminished pleasure; instead, she argues women should take inequality in the bedroom as seriously as we take it in the workplace and understand its causes and effects. Drawing on extensive research and interviews with more than one hundred women and dozens of sexual health professionals, Rowland shows that the pleasure gap is neither medical malady nor psychological condition but rather a result of our culture's troubled relationship with women's sexual expression. This provocative exploration of modern sexuality makes a case for closing the gap for good.
Many scientific studies and spiritual teachings suggest that being in a healthy lifelong love relationship, raising conscious children, and living on purpose are fundamental both for our own long-term well-being as well as for that of future generations, so that we and they can flourish in all respects materially, physically, sexually, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually.Yet in today s modern and postmodern societies, an increasing number of people are not in such relationships, don t have children, and pursue an individualistic hedonistic lifestyle. Sadly, this individualism has been contributing to the ongoing socioeconomic and environmental problems that humanity is creating, rather than being part of their solution.The sexual selection process has gone completely out of whack, more people live alone, most couples procreate way below sustainable rates. As a consequence, we may become the next endangered species if we don t change our way of relating with each other and the world. What happened? Many people moved from we to me, or loving themselves more than others, lost touch with what their life s purpose is beyond enjoying life to the fullest, and didn t acquire the relationship skills to master the complexities of love in the twenty-first century.While our personal relationships and global challenges are constantly increasing in complexity, more people are looking for easy answers to address these problems. This simplistic approach is obviously not working.On the other hand, most of the complex meta-models that are offered to solve the wicked problems that humanity is facing are rarely effective either, as they require a Ph.D.-level grasp of philosophical and scientific subtleties just to be understood. Ironically, these complex perspectives routinely overlook the basic fact that integrating the fundamental human dimensions of sex, purpose, love, and sustainable procreation is an essential prerequisite for creating the eudaimonic world that the creators of these models envision.It is the purpose of this book to remedy these two problems by, on the one hand, providing a practical road map or model (the Integral Love Relationship model) that is simple enough to be fully grasped and put into action by singles and couples of all walks of life and educational levels, and on the other, by presenting a vision that is comprehensive enough to effectively address the relational and global challenges that humanity is facing in the twenty-first century.Without such a model, we cannot even see what kind of love relationships are possible and necessary for our own well-being, and for the creation of a peaceful and sustainable world in which current and future generations can flourish.My intention is to inspire singles and couples to realize their full healing and growth potentials to co-create the kind of love relationships that are not only personally satisfying, but that also radiate their love outward in growing concentric rings to embrace all of humanity.In the four parts of this book, you find a practical application of Ken Wilber s acclaimed Integral theory of human growth and potentials to (1) co-creating a fulfilling sexual relationship, (2) sharing your deepest purpose with your partner, (3) deeply loving your partner and what is uniquely co-created between the two of you at all levels of your being, and (4) understanding why co-creation and procreation in Integral love relationships matter in the grand scheme of things. Or, in short, it is a book about sex, purpose, love, and creating a better world.
Winner of the 2009 Smart Marriages® Impact Award Think all sex should be earth shattering? The quality of most couple sex doesn’t measure up to the much distorted image of the perfect romantic love/passionate sex encounter portrayed in popular culture. In Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style: Sharing Desire, Pleasure, and Satisfaction, renowned marital and sex therapist Barry McCarthy and his wife Emily McCarthy urge couples to ignore what they see on TV, in books, or online, and discover their own unique sexual style. The McCarthys offer three guidelines for sexual satisfaction: develop positive, realistic sexual expectations; explore sensual and sexual options; and communicate sexual desires. With this foundation, couples can take a straightforward survey to determine which of four couple sexual styles best fits their relationship. Based on three years of research and treating more than 4,000 individuals and couples, Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style provides information, guidelines, exercises, and case studies that will help readers find their own sexual voice and develop a mutually satisfying sexual style.
"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”