How do you counsel a couple that is heading for divorce by the time they seek help? Building on the research presented in their previous book Family Therapies, Mark Yarhouse and James Sells have developed a resource to train pastors and counselors in restoring high conflict relationships.
Couples in Conflict describes the nature of the emotional processes leading to difficulties and how a minister/ counselor can be a resource to help couples in conflict. The minister/counselor will be able to help them improve their lives personally, as well as their relationship and family life. By extension, couples will also develop skills that will improve their work life and their life in community. The book provides practical and specific approaches to helping these couples and the issues that a minister must deal with in order to be useful to them.
You hear and read a lot about ways to improve your relationship. But if you've tried these without much success, you're not alone. Many highly reactive couples—pairs that are quick to argue, anger, and blame—need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When destructive emotions are at the heart of problems in your relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. If you're part of a "high-conflict" couple, you need to get control of your emotions first, to stop making things worse, and only then work on building a better relationship. The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. Other approaches will help you disclose your fears, longings, and other vulnerabilities to your partner and validate his or her experiences in return. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most. This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives.
Have you ever noticed that conflict is absolutely everywhere? Though we all want harmony in our relationships and our world, peace seems so hard to come by. Maybe for you, conflict looks like the latest culture war that relentlessly screams at you to pick a side, and you're tired of all the fighting. Or perhaps it takes another shape, like a hot-tempered spouse, rebellious child, passive-aggressive friend, difficult church member, withdrawn roommate, or angry social media comment. No matter its form, conflict always finds us. And often, we let it overtake us. In this short, biblical, and practical book, pastor and author Tony Merida shows us that it doesn't have to be this way. Merida not only paints a stunning picture of Christ our Peacemaker, he also shows us how to stop wishing for peace and go make it. In these pages, Tony will help you: Discover where conflicts come from Realize conflicts don't have to define you, scare you, or undo you Stop allowing your relationships simmer in a place of division, anger, or strife Understand the pattern and power of Christ as the ultimate Peacemaker Tap into the Spirit's supernatural ability to change you in the midst of your conflicts Learn how to overcome evil with good Anticipate conflicts and resolve them in biblical, Christ-centered ways Stop waiting for peace to "hopefully" come to your doorstep. Instead, in the power and strength God provides, become a person who can make the peace you so deeply desire, and watch your relationships transform.
"Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together." —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop "Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges." —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection.
Everett L. Worthington Jr. offers a comprehensive manual for assisting couples over common rough spots and through serious problems in a manner that is compassionate, effective and brief.
The revised edition of the bestselling Christian guide to a happy marriage For more than fifteen years, Scott Stanley's A Lasting Promise has offered solutions to common problems—facing conflicts, problem solving, improving communication, and dealing with core issues—within a Christian framework. Thoroughly revised and updated, this new edition is filled with sacred teachings of scripture, the latest research on marriage, and clear examples from the lives of couples. The book's strategies are designed to help couples improve communication, understand commitment, bring more fun into their relationship, and enhance their sex lives. Lead author Scott Stanley is co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and coauthor of Fighting for Your Marriage, which has sold more than a million copies. Offers reflections on how to enhance anyone's marriage over the long term and avoid divorce Covers recent cultural shifts, such as dealing with the endless technological distraction and issues with social networking New themes include the chemistry of love, the life-long implications of having bodies, and how to support one another emotionally Uses illustrative examples from couples’ lives and rich integration of insights from scripture This important book offers an invaluable resource for all couples who want to honor and preserve the holy sacrament of their union.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
Illustrated with case studies, this book teaches couples and sex therapists the comprehensive, integrative treatment approach of master conflict therapy (MCT), which combines psychoanalytic conflict theory and Bowen Theory with the basic principles and practice of sex therapy. MCT suggests that each partner has an internal conflict born out of their experiences from their respective families of origin. Partners then choose one another based on these conflicts, and it is only when they are out of balance that the couple experiences symptoms. The authors help clinicians treat couples through providing them with a solid theoretical foundation, a practical assessment procedure, and highly effective treatment techniques to re-balance a couple and, in turn, alleviate their sexual symptoms.
Marriages are in trouble today. That is clear. Effective mothods of combating this trend are less evident. Counselors, pastors and social workers need more than mere theories or mere moralizing. They need a practical and comprehensive model for understanding couples and their problems. They need a throughly Christian perspective that is biblical, compassionate and human. Everett Worthington provides this in an integrated, biblically based theory of marriage and marriage therapy with analysis at three levels: the individual, the couple and the family. The model he has constructed, with techniques drawn from the major psychological schools, is standard enough to guide counselors in actual interventions and powerful enough to produce change. A thoroughgoing overview of the assessment process includes practical, workable guidelines for: creating realistic, mutually-agreeable goals for counselor and clients; estimating the number of sessions needed to reach those goals; and planning the actual assessment, intervention and termination sessions. Next Worthington offers specific techniques for enhancing cooperative change, intimacy, communication, conflict resolution and forgiveness within the marriage. But keeping couples from slipping back into old patterns is one of the counselor's most difficult tasks. So Worthington concludes with suggestions for solidifying change and effectively concluding the counseling relationship. Here is a text that will be a standard for counselors, pastors and mental health professionals in the years to come.