As parents, we want our children to take responsibility for their schoolwork, their chores, and their choices. We want them to grow into independent adults, but when we see them struggling, we sometimes have a tendency to step in and problem-solve, telling them exactly what to do or even doing things for them ourselves. The problem is the more controlling we are with our children, the more out of control they feel. When our children feel out of control, problems big and small follow—from more tantrums in thwarted toddlers to a higher risk of drug and alcohol use in adolescence. So how do we support our children’s autonomy while maintaining boundaries and not losing our minds in the process? From clinical psychologist Emily Edlynn, PhD, comes a flexible parenting framework that can apply to every family and every parental relationship. With Autonomy-Supportive Parenting, you can build trust in your child and trust in yourself.
New York Times Bestseller "Julie Lythcott-Haims is a national treasure. . . . A must-read for every parent who senses that there is a healthier and saner way to raise our children." -Madeline Levine, author of the New York Times bestsellers The Price of Privilege and Teach Your Children Well "For parents who want to foster hearty self-reliance instead of hollow self-esteem, How to Raise an Adult is the right book at the right time." -Daniel H. Pink, author of the New York Times bestsellers Drive and A Whole New Mind A provocative manifesto that exposes the harms of helicopter parenting and sets forth an alternate philosophy for raising preteens and teens to self-sufficient young adulthood In How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims draws on research, on conversations with admissions officers, educators, and employers, and on her own insights as a mother and as a student dean to highlight the ways in which overparenting harms children, their stressed-out parents, and society at large. While empathizing with the parental hopes and, especially, fears that lead to overhelping, Lythcott-Haims offers practical alternative strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success. Relevant to parents of toddlers as well as of twentysomethings-and of special value to parents of teens-this book is a rallying cry for those who wish to ensure that the next generation can take charge of their own lives with competence and confidence.
What is parental control? Is it positive or negative for children? What makes parents controlling with their children, even when they value supporting children's autonomy? Are there alternatives to control and how might we apply them in important domains of children's lives, such as school and sports? This book addresses these and other questions about the meaning and predictors of parental control, as well as its consequences for children's adjustment and well-being. While the topic of parental control is not new, there has been controversy about the concept, with some researchers and clinicians weighing in on the side of control and others against it. This book argues that part of the controversy stems from different uses of the term, with some investigators focusing more on parents being in control and others on controlling children. Using a definition of control as "pressure for children to think, feel, or behave in specific ways," the author explores research on parental control, arguing that there is more consensus than previously thought. Using this research base, the author provides evidence that parental control can be subtle and can lurk within many "positive" parenting approaches; parental control undermines the very behaviors we wish to inculcate in our children; providing autonomy support--the opposite of control--is a challenge, even when parents are committed to doing so. With controversy in the literature about parental control and attention in the media on the ways in which parents step over the control line (e.g., screaming on the soccer sidelines, pressuring children in academics), this book is especially timely. It provides an empathic view of how easily parents can become trapped in controlling styles by emphasizing performance and hooking their own self-esteem on children's performance. Examples of how this can happen in academic, sporting, and peer situations with their emphasis on competition and hierarchy are provided, as well as strategies for parenting in highly involved but autonomy supportive ways. A highly readable yet research-based treatment of the topic of parental control, this book: *explores the controversial topic of parental control; addresses controversy about the positive and negative effects of parental control; and disentangles various parenting concepts, such as involvement, structure, and control; *illustrates how control can be overt, such as in the use of corporal punishment or covert, as in the use of controlling praise; *provides evidence that control may produce compliance in children preventing them from initiating and taking responsibility for their own behavior; *explores why parents are controlling with their children, including environmental and economic stresses and strains, characteristics of children that "pull" for control, and factors in parents' own psychologies that lead them to be "hooked" on children's performance; and *provides examples of control in the areas of academics and sports--the hierarchical and competitive nature of these domains is seen as contributing to parents' tendencies to become controlling in these areas.
This book presents current research on self-regulation and autonomy, which have emerged as key predictors of health and well-being in several areas of psychology.
Decades of research have demonstrated that the parent-child dyad and the environment of the familyâ€"which includes all primary caregiversâ€"are at the foundation of children's well- being and healthy development. From birth, children are learning and rely on parents and the other caregivers in their lives to protect and care for them. The impact of parents may never be greater than during the earliest years of life, when a child's brain is rapidly developing and when nearly all of her or his experiences are created and shaped by parents and the family environment. Parents help children build and refine their knowledge and skills, charting a trajectory for their health and well-being during childhood and beyond. The experience of parenting also impacts parents themselves. For instance, parenting can enrich and give focus to parents' lives; generate stress or calm; and create any number of emotions, including feelings of happiness, sadness, fulfillment, and anger. Parenting of young children today takes place in the context of significant ongoing developments. These include: a rapidly growing body of science on early childhood, increases in funding for programs and services for families, changing demographics of the U.S. population, and greater diversity of family structure. Additionally, parenting is increasingly being shaped by technology and increased access to information about parenting. Parenting Matters identifies parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices associated with positive developmental outcomes in children ages 0-8; universal/preventive and targeted strategies used in a variety of settings that have been effective with parents of young children and that support the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices; and barriers to and facilitators for parents' use of practices that lead to healthy child outcomes as well as their participation in effective programs and services. This report makes recommendations directed at an array of stakeholders, for promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective programs and services for parents and on areas that warrant further research to inform policy and practice. It is meant to serve as a roadmap for the future of parenting policy, research, and practice in the United States.
The New York Times bestselling, groundbreaking manifesto on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life’s inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report card disappointments, mastermind children’s friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children’s well being, they aren’t giving them the chance to experience failure—or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems. Overparenting has the potential to ruin a child’s confidence and undermine their education, Lahey reminds us. Teachers don’t just teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. They teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint, and foresight—important life skills children carry with them long after they leave the classroom. Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children’s failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential reading for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed.
A revolutionary new approach to caring for your baby The first months after a baby's arrival can be exhausting, and attempts at quick fixes are often part of the problem. The first 16 weeks of life are a neurologically sensitive period, during which some babies will cry a lot and broken nights are to be expected. Attempts at quick fixes are often part of the problem. The Discontented Little Baby Book gives you practical and evidence-based strategies for helping you and your baby get more in sync. Dr. Pamela Douglas offers a path that protects your baby's brain development so that he or she can reach his or her full potential, at the same time as you learn simple strategies to help you enjoy your baby and live with vitality when faced with the challenges of this extraordinary time. With parents' real-life stories, advice on dealing with feelings of anxiety and depression, and answers to your questions about reflux and allergies, this book offers a revolutionary new approach to caring for your baby from a respected Australian GP.!--?xml:namespace prefix = "o" ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /--
Author's note -- Preface -- Dreaming, not doing -- The upside of dreaming -- Fooling our minds -- The wise pursuit of our dreams -- Engaging our nonconscious minds -- The magic of WOOP -- WOOP your life -- Your friend for life -- Acknowledgments -- Notes -- Index
Includes chapters which examine the associations between motivation and other constructs, such as emotion and self-regulation. This title also features chapters that examine sociocultural approaches to the study of motivation, the motivation of African American students and teachers' motivation, and the policy implications of motivation research.
