Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated)
Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated)

Author: Maddox

Publisher: Kensington Publishing Corp.

Published: 2009-08-25

Total Pages: 364

ISBN-13: 0806532084

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The hilarious New York Times–bestselling parody guide to all things alpha male, now revised and updated. Sometimes in life you say certain words in conjunction with other words that you normally wouldn’t, such as the word “holy” and the word “shit.” Those times are rare and celebrated. Well, get your face hole ready, because this is one of those times: introducing The Alphabet of Manliness: Special Edition! If it’s a crime to be awesome, then I deserve three life sentences and the death penalty. This literary kick to the dick may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. I, Maddox, the author, personally guarantee that this is the best edition of the book since the last one. This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged sons of bitches out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to pick up a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted or busting balls alike. If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I'm about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you'll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already. The new edition includes: •“The Numbers of Manliness” •A full-color insert •Corrections to typos!

F*ck Whales
F*ck Whales

Author: Maddox

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2017-10-17

Total Pages: 209

ISBN-13: 1476794987

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A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox, of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe. In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, complete with self-promotion, petty rants, and brilliant essays on anything and everything Maddox deems worthy of his ire.

Crappy Children's Art
Crappy Children's Art

Author: Maddox

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2012-11-20

Total Pages: 320

ISBN-13: 1476713545

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From the New York Times bestselling author of The Alphabet of Manliness, the creator of “The Best Page in the Universe,” and overall genius, comes an outrageous, laugh-out-loud critique of children’s artwork that finally cuts those little smug know-it-alls down to size. Previously published as I Am Better Than Your Kids. If you think children are precious little snowflakes who are perfect in every way, think again. If you cherish every piece of art, every book report, every letter to Santa your child gives you, then this book is not for you. If your refrigerator is adorned with mementos from your kid’s childhood, then you are a sucker. Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his popular site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com since 1996, can spell, do math, and run faster than your kids—and, he is here to show you just how inferior your kids are. Marvel as Maddox deconstructs an eight-year-old’s crayon-drawn family portrait! Laugh uproariously as he judges sub-par Valentines, homemade “gifts,” and other areas of elementary-aged underperformance! Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? You are in Maddox’s world now, and no child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world’s foremost authority on children’s crappy artwork.