Unseen-Unheard

Unseen-Unheard

Author: Amity Pierce Buxton

Publisher: CCB Publishing

Published: 2013-06

Total Pages: 249

ISBN-13: 1771430699

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When presumably heterosexual spouses turn out to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, the unexpected revelation overshadows its devastating impact on their straight wives and husbands. Unseen-Unheard opens the window on their remarkable journeys from trauma to transformation. What would you do if your husband said he'd fallen in love with a man or thinks he might be gay or bisexual, or you discovered your wife's texts, photos, or emails indicating she has a female lover and wonders if she might be lesbian or bisexual? Well, this happens, a shattering reality that at least two million men and women have faced and tried to understand and accept, even as we were unseen and our voices unheard. Who are we? We are husbands and wives left behind when our spouses came out or after we discovered they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Shocked and paralyzed, swirling in the devastating wake of our beloveds' revelation, we had to pick up unrecognizable pieces of our former lives and try to reconfigure them without much outside support, recognition, or understanding of the depth of the crisis. Yes, straight spouses typically cope alone with unique issues of sexuality, betrayal, and broken belief systems. Slowly, we redefine ourselves, create new lives, affirm the joy of living, and reap life's infinite possibilities. We invite you to walk with us and experience our journey from the first desperate cries of discovery or disclosure to insights and wisdom gained as we resolve our issues and transform our lives. As you observe and listen, we hope you will embrace the courage, creativity, and resilience of our strength, which we didn't know we had, yet was so powerful that lifelong habits were broken and we uniquely and marvelously became who we were meant to be. About the Authors: Amity Pierce Buxton, her Ph.D. from Columbia University, has taught grades pre-school through graduate school. Member of the American Psychological Association, she serves on the editorial boards of the Journal of Bisexuality and the Journal of GLBT Family Studies and on the board of the Catholic Association for Gay and Lesbian Ministry. She wrote The Other Side of the Closet: the Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families and founded the worldwide Straight Spouse Network. Currently, she counsels spouses and couples, conducts research, writes articles and chapters, lectures, and gives workshops on all aspects of the impact of a spouse's coming out in a mixed-orientation or transgender/non-transgender marriage. R. L. Pinely writes, "Collaborating with Amity to write this book has been an amazing journey. Absorbing her expertise has been a rare privilege as we lived vicariously through the lives of others and walked in their shoes. As owner of an online support group, I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity every day to pass along her wisdom, insight, experience, and understanding to nearly 3,000 women." Visit the Straight Spouse Network website: www.straightspouse.org


The Straight Spouse

The Straight Spouse

Author: Vivian Fransen

Publisher:

Published: 2017-07-05

Total Pages: 266

ISBN-13: 9780998120843

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A love story about a woman married to a man who turns out to be gay and how she deals with it. Set in the early 90s, she thinks she is the only woman to face this unthinkable threat to her marriage. Her journey-sometimes disturbing, sometimes uplifting-is about the importance of letting go and finding one's own way.


When Your Spouse Comes Out

When Your Spouse Comes Out

Author: Carol Grever

Publisher: Routledge

Published: 2008

Total Pages: 172

ISBN-13: 0789036290

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When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual is a guide that offers solid therapeutic techniques for self-help and presents poignant true stories that examine the various reactions to the coming-out event, the personal challenges and obstacles often experienced, and shares lessons learned and some of the secrets of transformation.


Over the Cliff

Over the Cliff

Author: Bonnie Kaye

Publisher: CCB Publishing

Published: 2011-05

Total Pages: 197

ISBN-13: 1926918614

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"Over the Cliff" is a self-help book for husbands and wives living in straight/gay marriages. Over three million gay men in the United States and millions more around the world are living double lives in marriages to women due to societal pressures or a lack of understanding their homosexuality at the time of marriage. This book has over a dozen interviews with men who have lived through this experience and offer their insights to others. The book is co-authored by Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., an internationally recognized counseling specialist for straight wives married to gay men and Doug Dittmer, a gay husband peer counselor who has worked with Kaye over the past five years helping numerous gay men in marriages come to terms with their homosexuality so they can move on to more fulfilling lives. About the Authors Bonnie Kaye is an internationally recognized Relationship Counselor/Author in the field of straight/gay marriages. She has provided relationship counseling for over 25 years with more than 70,000 women who have sexually dysfunctional husbands due to homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism or sexual addictions. She is considered an authority in this field by other professionals and the media. Kaye has published five books on straight/gay relationships, which have sold thousands of copies. Her website www.Gayhusbands.com has consistently remained in the number one position on Google, Yahoo, and other major search engines since it's launching in 2000. When media contacts want an expert, they come to Bonnie Kaye who has more experience and expertise than any other person in this country. Her official book website is located at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Kaye's other books include: "The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives; ManReaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives; Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk;" and "How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives." With over 30 years experience in business management, Talent Acquisition and Executive Recruitment, Doug Dittmer's career has depended on his ability to coach clients and employees in problem resolution. Eighteen years into his marriage, Doug faced his own crisis and announced that he was gay. In 1981 Doug put his skills to work to fight discrimination against lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Doug began as a Legislative Lobbyist for the Michigan Organization for Human Rights (MOHR), the State's premier gay rights organization. Within a short time he was elected as the group's Education Officer, charged with the responsibility of educating the general public about lesbian and gay issues. Doug went on to be elected President of the organization. Under his leadership, a task force of volunteer litigation attorneys was recruited to overturn Michigan's sodomy statutes. Two years later, in MOHR v. Kelly, MOHR achieved that objective when the Wayne County Circuit Court ruled the statute as unconstitutional. In November 1985, the Detroit City Council recognized his achievements and leadership in the area of human rights by awarding him the Spirit of Detroit Award. Over the years since, Doug has reached out to other gay men coming to terms with their sexuality in mid-life, acting as peer counselor and coach.


Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?

Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?

Author: Joe Kort

Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield

Published: 2014-09-11

Total Pages: 241

ISBN-13: 144222326X

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Jennifer can’t believe it. Just married and pregnant, she discovers that her husband has been meeting Brad for sex. When confronted, Tom doesn’t deny it, but he insists it’s just “a thing” and he isn’t gay. Elsewhere, John’s wife, Karen, discovers that her husband likes to watch gay porn. John doesn’t understand his wife’s reaction. Why does she care what he watches if he’s not unfaithful? In couple’s therapy, Karen and Jennifer raise the same questions: Does this mean my husband is gay? Can my marriage survive? These and other stories illustrate the difficulties inherent when a wife or girlfriend finds out her man has had or wants to have sexual contact with other men. But many times, the man is not gay or even bisexual. Of course, some men with gay sexual interests are gay men in a process of self-discovery; they are “coming out.” These desires may only reflect a different side of a man’s sexuality or some response to childhood trauma or experiences they have not fully processed. Here Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan make the distinction between gay men and “straight men with gay interests” clearer to women who want to know how they can overcome these revelations. The authors explain the many reasons why straight men may be drawn to gay sex; how to tell whether a man is gay, straight, or bisexual; and what the various options are for these couples, who can often go on to have very fulfilling marriages. Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi? is intended to help couples understand how male sexuality can express itself in ways that may be difficult to understand. Many marriages have been hurriedly terminated when couples (and their therapists) have lacked the information they needed to understand their current situations. This book provides the clarity, describes the choices, and (in many cases) offers hope for relationships and marriages that have been brushed off as doomed.


Doomed Grooms

Doomed Grooms

Author: Bonnie Kaye

Publisher: CCB Publishing

Published: 2012-10-19

Total Pages: 192

ISBN-13: 1771430222

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Doomed Grooms: Gay and Bisexual Husbands in Straight Marriages is a self-help book for both women who discover or suspect that their husbands are gay/bisexual and for those men who are ready to come out to their wives. Written by counselor Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., the international expert in the field of straight/gay marriages, this book is a follow-up to her first book, The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder. Topics covered include the loss of women's self and sexual esteem, the effect of the Internet in luring men into the world of homosexuality, the controversy of changing a gay/bisexual husband's sexuality, the mourning stages after a marriage is over, and a list of steps to show women how they can start their journeys to Gay Husband Recovery. Doomed Grooms also contains interviews with past members of Kaye's online support group from different parts of the world, as well as interviews with two gay ex-husbands who explain the dynamics of these marriages. She also shares heartfelt letters from both straight wives and gay husbands to show the emotional impact on both ends. It is estimated that over 4 million women in the United States alone are or have been married to men who are gay/bisexual. Doomed Grooms allows women to come to a sense of closure by helping them understand the different aspects of homosexuality their husbands display. It also helps give validation to the millions who will never get the truth from their husbands in order to help them move on and heal. About the Author Bonnie Kaye is an internationally recognized relationship counselor/author in the field of straight/gay marriages. She has provided relationship counseling and advice for nearly 30 years to more than 75,000 women who have sexually dysfunctional husbands due to homosexuality, bisexuality, or sexual addictions. She is considered an authority in this field by other professionals and the media. Kaye has published seven books on straight/gay relationships, which have sold thousands of copies. Her website www.Gayhusbands.com has consistently remained in the number one position on Google, Yahoo, and other major search engines since its launching in the year 2000. When media contacts want an expert, they go to Bonnie Kaye who has more experience and expertise than any other person in the United States. Her official book website is located at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Kaye's support network has over 7,000 women around the world who receive her free monthly newsletter. She also has online computer support chat as well as a weekly internet radio show on Sundays, Straight Wives Talk Show on www.Blogtalkradio.com that can be accessed 24/7 around the world via the computer. Kaye's other books include: The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives (Volumes 1 and 2); Manreaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk; How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives; and Over the Cliff: Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages.


My Husband Is Gay

My Husband Is Gay

Author: Carol Grever

Publisher: Crossing Press

Published: 2012-03-07

Total Pages: 182

ISBN-13: 0307815404

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“These women demonstrate the will to survive intact . . . Their passage to wholeness exemplifies forgiveness, growth, healing, hope, and sometimes reconciliation.”—from MY HUSBAND IS GAY Carol and Jim were high school sweethearts who married in their early twenties. Thirty years and two children later, Jim announced to his wife that he was homosexual. A fundamentalist Christian, he had been leading a double life for years. In an effort to sort out her pain and confusion, Carol Grever sought out other heterosexual women, of all ages, ethnicities, and educational backgrounds, who were married to gay men. The stories she uncovered examine their coping strategies and form the basis of this manual for healing.


Finally Out

Finally Out

Author: Loren A. Olson

Publisher:

Published: 2017-04

Total Pages: 304

ISBN-13: 9780997961430

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Dr. Loren A. Olson has frequently been asked two questions: How could you not know that you were gay until the age of forty? Wasn't your marriage just a sham to protect yourself at your wife's expense? In Finally Out, Dr. Olson answers these questions by telling the inspiring story of his evolving sexuality, into which he intelligently weaves psychological concepts and gay history. This book is a powerful exploration of human sexuality, particularly the sexuality of mature men who, like Dr. Olson, lived a large part of their lives as straight men--sometimes long after becoming aware of their same-sex attractions. Readers will come to understand: - That there is no universal model for coming out - Why many older LGBTQ men came out late, do not come out at all, or come out to varying degrees in different environments - How stigma has created mental health problems for isolated and closeted men who have sex with men, particularly in geographical areas and cultures where there is little or no acceptance of homosexuality - How sexual function changes but perhaps even improves for older men - That aging creates opportunities that one has never had and may never have again, e.g., freedom from the tyranny of ambition - That some people consistently prefer an older sexual partner and this can lead to stable, intergenerational relationships - How same-sex sexual activity was considered prior to the Stonewall uprising in 1969 contrasted with the way it is perceived after Stonewall - How age, culture, geographical location, heterosexual marriage, and children impact a person's decision to come out - Why "conversion therapy" does not work and may be harmful - The difference between homophobia and homonaïveté - The archetypes of self-identified straight men who seek occasional or regular sex with other men - How to overcome the shame and guilt experienced by men who are sexually attracted to other men


A Pebble in His Shoe

A Pebble in His Shoe

Author: Dr. Francine Barbetta

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

Published: 2008-07-23

Total Pages: 169

ISBN-13: 1453506853

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This is a captivating journey of a picture-perfect marriage and the devastating effects of a quest for self. Taken from Francine’s heart-wrenching diary, we see Francine, an eternal optimist, and Frank, a dedicated husband and father with a pain too deep to ignore any longer, travel the painful path of a straight spouse and a homosexual husband. As Frank’s repressed urges are aroused, he searches to understand his sexuality, while Francine tries to be supportive as she desperately tries to grasp on to what is slowly slipping away. Francine’s passion for forgiveness gives her courage and great strength to help Frank on his quest.