A fascinating book about our struggle to forgive—and how we can—from a renowned psychologist and award-winning author. Why do we harden our hearts, even against those we want to love? Why do we find it so hard to admit being wrong? Why are the worst grudges the ones we hold against ourselves? When we nurse our resentments, Robert Karen says, we are acting from an insecure aspect of the self that harbors unresolved pain from childhood. But we also have a forgiving self which is not compliant or fake, but rather the strongest, most loving part of who we are. Through it, we are able to voice anger without doing damage, to acknowledge our own part in what has gone wrong, to see the flaws in ourselves and others as part of our humanity. Using movies, people in the news, and sessions from his practice, Karan illuminate how we can move beyond our feelings of being wronged without betraying our legitimate anger and need for repair. The forgiving self, when we are able to locate it, brings relief from compulsive self-hatred and bitterness, and allows for a re-emergence of love.
Most of us have plenty of experience with self-blame and guilt - but we are often at a loss when it comes to forgiving ourselves. According to Colin Tipping, this is because our idea of forgiveness usually requires a victim and a perpetrator - which is impossible when we play both roles at the same time. Tipping's Radical Forgiveness process all...
Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Chair of The Elders, and Chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, along with his daughter, the Reverend Mpho Tutu, offer a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation. Tutu's role as the Chair of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission taught him much about forgiveness. If you asked anyone what they thought was going to happen to South Africa after apartheid, almost universally it was predicted that the country would be devastated by a comprehensive bloodbath. Yet, instead of revenge and retribution, this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Each of us has a deep need to forgive and to be forgiven. After much reflection on the process of forgiveness, Tutu has seen that there are four important steps to healing: Admitting the wrong and acknowledging the harm; Telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; Asking for forgiveness and granting forgiveness; and renewing or releasing the relationship. Forgiveness is hard work. Sometimes it even feels like an impossible task. But it is only through walking this fourfold path that Tutu says we can free ourselves of the endless and unyielding cycle of pain and retribution. The Book of Forgiving is both a touchstone and a tool, offering Tutu's wise advice and showing the way to experience forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiving is the only means we have to heal ourselves and our aching world.
R. T. Kendall's TOTAL FORGIVENESS touched a raw nerve amongst Christian readers and rapidly became this prolific writer's fastest- and bestselling book. It still sells 5000 copies a year, five years after original publication. But it only told half the story - how to forgive others. The teaching is completed with R. T.'s brilliant account of how it is equally important that we forgive ourselves. TOTALLY FORGIVING OURSELVES is classic R. T. Kendall - honest, sympathetic, biblical teaching on an aspect of the Christian life common to us all. Everyone has something in their past for which they need to forgive themselves as well as other people. Unless we do so, we are not only damaging ourselves but restricting our usefulness in God's service.
Filled with stories, examples, and encouragement, the book dispels some common myths about self-forgivenessThe co-authors pave the way for the reality that self-forgiveness is an act of love toward yourself, and they show how you can rid yourself of destructive and unwarranted anger and guilt in order to restore your sense of self-worth as a child of God.
The present volume is a ground-breaking and agenda-setting investigation of the psychology of self-forgiveness. It brings together the work of expert clinicians and researchers working within the field, to address questions such as: Why is self-forgiveness so difficult? What contexts and psychological experiences give rise to the need for self-forgiveness? What approaches can therapists use to help people process difficult experiences that elicit guilt, shame and self-condemnation? How can people work through their own failures and transgressions? Assembling current theories and findings, this unique resource reviews and advances our understanding of self-forgiveness, and its potentially critical function in interpersonal relationships and individual emotional and physical health. The editors begin by exploring the nature of self-forgiveness. They consider its processes, causes, and effects, how it may be measured, and its potential benefits to theory and psychotherapy. Expert clinicians and researchers then examine self-forgiveness in its many facets; as a response to guilt and shame, a step toward processing transgressions, a means of reducing anxiety, and an essential component of, or, under some circumstances a barrier to, psychotherapeutic intervention. Contributors also address self-forgiveness as applied to diverse psychosocial contexts such as addiction and recovery, couples and families, healthy aging, the workplace, and the military. Among the topics in the Handbook: An evolutionary approach to shame-based self-criticism, self-forgiveness and compassion. Working through psychological needs following transgressions to arrive at self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and health: a stress-and-coping model. Self-forgiveness and personal and relational well-being. Self-directed intervention to promote self-forgiveness. Understanding the role of forgiving the self in the act of hurting oneself. The Handbook of the Psychology of Self-Forgiveness serves many healing professionals. It covers a wide range of problems for which individuals often seek help from counselors, clergy, social workers, psychologists and physicians. Research psychologists, philosophers, and sociologists studying self-forgiveness will also find it an essential handbook that draws together the advances made over the past several decades, and identifies important directions for the road ahead.
The Forgiving Life offers scientifically supported guidance to help people forgive those in their lives who have acted unfairly and have inflicted emotional hurt. It does not minimize the devastation of that hurt. It does not require reconciliation with the one who inflicted the hurt. Rather, it describes a process, followed with success by people around the world, to confront the pain, rise above it to forgive, and in so doing, to loosen the grip of depression, anger, and resentment that has soured life. In this book, noted forgiveness expert Robert D. Enright invites readers to learn the benefits of forgiveness and to embark on a path of forgiveness, leaving behind a legacy of love. Guided by thought-provoking questions, journaling exercises, and Enright’s kind encouragement, readers can chart their own journey through a new life of forgiveness.
“The most powerful spiritual healer, fixer, teacher on the planet.” —Oprah Winfrey What is the lesson in abuse, neglect, abandonment, rejection? What is the lesson when you lose someone you really love? Just what are the lessons of life's hard times? Bestselling author Iyanla Vanzant has had an amazing and difficult life—one of great challenges that unmasked her wonderful gifts and led to wisdom gained. In this simple book, she uses her own personal experiences to show how life's hardships can be re-languaged and revisioned to become lessons that teach us as we grow, heal, and learn to love. The pain of the past does not have to be today's reality. Iyanla Vanzant is an example of how yesterday's tears become the seeds of today's hope, renewal, and strength.
The Art of Informed Self-Care Psychologist David Seabury offers timeless advice in this classic self help guide. Dr. Seabury counsels the reader toward a healthier approach to life. A best seller when it was first published, it is filled with thought-provoking and engaging stories taken from Seabury's decades of practice. Written in a period, similar to today, when the finding personal happiness was especially challenging. Dr. Seabury presents a bold and fresh perspective for achieving personal empowerment and a vibrant way to care for family, friends, and, of course, yourself. You'll find advice on: The 7-Step Thinking Plan 8 Ways to Assure Restful Sleep 34 Effective Ways for Solving Problems 12 Basic Needs You Must Not Be Denied 22 Easier Ways of Living 6 Ways to Win by Yielding 12 Mistakes to Avoid Making 7 Ways to Quarrel Effectively 12 Steps for Easing Out of Trouble 8 False Premises and How They Work 5 Ways to Avoid Brain Fatigue And hundreds of other suggestions. Dr Seabury presents a strong case for healthy self-respect. His approach to interpersonal relationships, based on "never compromise yourself," presents a fresh approach to a more fulfilling and engaged lifestyle. Everyone wishing to take better care of themselves and those they love will want to keep this book close at hand.
