The Chapped-Ass Critic (EPUB)
The Chapped-Ass Critic (EPUB)

Author: Donald Rump

Publisher: Donald Rump

Published: 2013-08-24

Total Pages: 26

ISBN-13: 1624544835

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Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the good, old doctor to snap. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,300 words. EXCERPT FROM THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC “Doc, you’ve got to help me,” a thin, wiry man named Zack Pimpton bent over the padded table and rubbed his behind. “My ass hurts really, really bad. I think I might have broken it.” A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. “How did this happen?” Dr. Marsh asked. “I don't know. I was typing up a review when suddenly my butt began to hurt. At first it stung just a little. I tried ignoring it, but it got worse and worse until I eventually found myself here. It's terrible! I can’t believe I was able to drive over here.” He tried sitting and recoiled immediately. “Well, you're in luck! It's nothing life-threatening, that’s for sure, but I'm afraid you won’t have use of your buttocks again,” the portly doctor cracked a smile.

20 Common Questions About Farts (EPUB)
20 Common Questions About Farts (EPUB)

Author: Donald Rump

Publisher: Donald Rump

Published: 2013-12-13

Total Pages: 60

ISBN-13: 1624544983

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Think you know everything there is to know about mankind's favorite green gas? Well, Donald Rump has something in store for you! Inside, you'll finally get to the bottom of many age-old questions, including: - Where do farts come from? - Are farts people? - Do farts die? - Do all farts go to heaven? - What should I do if a zombie farts on me? - Does inhaling farts cause brain damage? - What if someone steals my farts? - Can farts be used to power my car? - I've run out of farts. Should I dial 911? - Should I join Fartaholics Anonymous? And many, many more! So what are you waiting for? Become a fart expert today! Approximately 11,500 words in all. Intended for readers 15 and up.

Bottling Farts (EPUB)
Bottling Farts (EPUB)

Author: Donald Rump

Publisher: Donald Rump

Published: 2013-08-24

Total Pages: 30

ISBN-13: 1624544827

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Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? "Shh…it's our secret…" Vlad told the little boy. "Use the power wisely…" Approximately 2,200 words.

Gastrointestinal Blues (EPUB)
Gastrointestinal Blues (EPUB)

Author: Donald Rump

Publisher: Donald Rump

Published: 2013-11-24

Total Pages: 32

ISBN-13: 1624544975

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Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he\'d smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,400 words in all.

Keeping Wind Laten and the Fate of the World at Bay (ePub)
Keeping Wind Laten and the Fate of the World at Bay (ePub)

Author: Donald Rump

Publisher: Donald Rump

Published: 2016-07-02

Total Pages: 25

ISBN-13: 1533731373

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Great heavens, the armored kingdoms are under attack! And King Krakken, the domain’s irritable ruler, has an impossible decision. Should he scramble the air ships and meet the encroaching enemy head on or listen to his counsel and hold firm? Either way, the green death is upon him and it’s only a matter of time before he comes face-to-face with the infamous Wind Laten. Approximately 1,600 words. DIAGNOSIS: Less filling. Doesn’t contain many actual farts.

Boys of Brayshaw High
Boys of Brayshaw High

Author: Meagan Brandy

Publisher: MB Publishing

Published: 2019-01-15

Total Pages: 450

ISBN-13: 9781087936062

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"Simply UNPUTDOWNABLE ... all the feels cranked up to eleven. Five stars for this delicious page-turner!" - BB Easton, bestselling author of the Netflix adaption Sex/Life In the world of morally corrupt teenagers, only the strongest survive... From USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author Meagan Brandy comes an enemies-to-lovers, New Adult romance full of morally corrupt and power-driven teenagers. "Girls like you aren't exactly welcomed at a place like this, so keep your head down and look the other way." Those were the exact words of my social worker when she dropped me in my newest hellhole, a place for "troubled teens". I didn't listen, and now I'm on their radar. They expect me to play along in their games of hierarchy, to fall in line in the social order they've deemed me fit. Too bad for them, I don't follow rules. Too bad for me, they're determined to make sure I do. Inconceivably attractive and treated like kings...these are the boys of Brayshaw High. And I'm the girl who got in their way.

The Recognitions
The Recognitions

Author: William Gaddis

Publisher: New York Review of Books

Published: 2020-11-24

Total Pages: 969

ISBN-13: 1681374676

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A postmodern masterpiece about fraud and forgery by one of the most distinctive, accomplished novelists of the last century. The Recognitions is a sweeping depiction of a world in which everything that anyone recognizes as beautiful or true or good emerges as anything but: our world. The book is a masquerade, moving from New England to New York to Madrid, from the art world to the underworld, but it centers on the story of Wyatt Gwyon, the son of a New England minister, who forsakes religion to devote himself to painting, only to despair of his inspiration. In expiation, he will paint nothing but flawless copies of his revered old masters—copies, however, that find their way into the hands of a sinister financial wizard by the name of Recktall Brown, who of course sells them as the real thing. Dismissed uncomprehendingly by reviewers on publication in 1955 and ignored by the literary world for decades after, The Recognitions is now established as one of the great American novels, immensely ambitious and entirely unique, a book of wild, Boschian inspiration and outrageous comedy that is also profoundly serious and sad.

Empire of the Summer Moon
Empire of the Summer Moon

Author: S. C. Gwynne

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2010-05-25

Total Pages: 394

ISBN-13: 1416597158

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*Finalist for the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Critics Circle Award* *A New York Times Notable Book* *Winner of the Texas Book Award and the Oklahoma Book Award* This New York Times bestseller and stunning historical account of the forty-year battle between Comanche Indians and white settlers for control of the American West “is nothing short of a revelation…will leave dust and blood on your jeans” (The New York Times Book Review). Empire of the Summer Moon spans two astonishing stories. The first traces the rise and fall of the Comanches, the most powerful Indian tribe in American history. The second entails one of the most remarkable narratives ever to come out of the Old West: the epic saga of the pioneer woman Cynthia Ann Parker and her mixed-blood son Quanah, who became the last and greatest chief of the Comanches. Although readers may be more familiar with the tribal names Apache and Sioux, it was in fact the legendary fighting ability of the Comanches that determined when the American West opened up. Comanche boys became adept bareback riders by age six; full Comanche braves were considered the best horsemen who ever rode. They were so masterful at war and so skillful with their arrows and lances that they stopped the northern drive of colonial Spain from Mexico and halted the French expansion westward from Louisiana. White settlers arriving in Texas from the eastern United States were surprised to find the frontier being rolled backward by Comanches incensed by the invasion of their tribal lands. The war with the Comanches lasted four decades, in effect holding up the development of the new American nation. Gwynne’s exhilarating account delivers a sweeping narrative that encompasses Spanish colonialism, the Civil War, the destruction of the buffalo herds, and the arrival of the railroads, and the amazing story of Cynthia Ann Parker and her son Quanah—a historical feast for anyone interested in how the United States came into being. Hailed by critics, S. C. Gwynne’s account of these events is meticulously researched, intellectually provocative, and, above all, thrillingly told. Empire of the Summer Moon announces him as a major new writer of American history.

Dating Backward:
Dating Backward:

Author: Rick Soetebier

Publisher: CreateSpace

Published: 2014-02-10

Total Pages: 200

ISBN-13: 9781492817888

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Dating Backwards is a fresh look at some old concepts along with some common sense ideas about dating. It is a path to discover the extraordinary person you are and who will best be your extraordinary partner in life. This book will help you identify the different types of love, introduce you to the concept of the Four Cornerstones of Relationships and show many of the mistakes people continually make as they search for and enter into relationships. The principles in this book are designed to help singles from 18 to 80 and beyond. The journey begins with determining what type of relationship you want and then you will be guided in developing your "Must Haves" list. This list is the discovery of characteristics which results in the best relationship for you. We help you uncover the "Deal Breakers" which guides you away from repeating the same mistakes over and over. You will learn to identify your personal Red Flags that are warnings signs which provide you protection and guidance in choosing a potential mate. You will find guidance to help you to determine and discover what qualities you have to offer to a potential mate and uncover any qualities you posses that may be "Deal Breakers" to others. We all carry baggage in life and into a relationship. What is packed in your bag? Do you bring family issues? Do you bring issues from past relationships? Common questions answered are: How soon should you date after a divorce? What about dating after the death of a spouse? Do you have children and what is the impact of dating on them? How do you prepare your family for you entering back into dating? Then there are the extended families. How do you and your potential mate get along with each other's extended family? What about exes and their extended families. How will all of these potential relationships affect your relationship with your soul mate? These questions are covered and more. Extraordinary communication is extremely important in a relationship. This book will help you with a basic understanding of verbal and non verbal communication. Open communications on topics that can be difficult to discuss are addressed. Topics like; How do you handle money? Physical intimacy, food, music, household chores, hobbies, spare time are just a few of the topics that require excellent communication. Finally, we discuss dating, where to look, and how to present or market yourself to find a potential mate. We also review Respect, One Sided Romance, Physical Intimacy and Loneliness among other situations that can occur while on your journey to seek your soul mate. This book is the culmination of many years of education (both formal and informal), observation, personal experience and prayer. God has blessed Rick and Penny by bringing them together to create this work. There is also some other very good information available and some of it we even recommend as additional resources to our readers. The key is to find what works for you. Hopefully you will gain some practical information that will help turn your unsuccessful dating and decision making habits into an extraordinary relationship. Our society has neglected, ignored and drifted away from the use of this practical information for more than 50 years. It is our grandest hope that this book will help at least some of our readers make better dating (and life) decisions and start Dating Backward.

Pitmaster
Pitmaster

Author: Andy Husbands

Publisher: Fair Winds Press (MA)

Published: 2017-03-15

Total Pages: 227

ISBN-13: 1592337589

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Step up your barbeque game. Pitmaster is the definitive guide to becoming a barbecue aficionado and top-shelf cook from renowned chefs Andy Husbands and Chris Hart. Barbecue is more than a great way to cook a tasty dinner. For a true pitmaster, barbecue is a way of life. Whether you're new to the grill or a seasoned vet, Pitmaster is here to show you what it takes to truly put your barbeque game on point. Recipes begin with basics, like cooking Memphis-style ribs, and expand to smoking whole hogs North Carolina style. There is no single path to becoming a pitmaster. Barbecue lovers are equally inspired by restaurants with a commitment to regional traditions, competition barbecue champions, families with a multi-generational tradition of roasting whole hogs, and even amateur backyard fanatics. This definitive collection of barbecue expertise will leave you in no doubt why expert chefs and backyard cooks alike eat, live, and breathe barbecue. Pitmaster features: Specific tips and techniques for proper smoker operation—the cornerstone of all successful barbecue recipes—using Weber, Offset, Kamado, and other classic smoker styles A backyard cooking chapter offering the basics of becoming a successful barbecue cook Spotlights on specific regional barbecue styles, such as Texas, Kansas City, and the Carolinas, which set the stage for more advanced barbecue techniques and recipes, such as Butterfly Pork Butt Burnt Ends and Central Texas Beef Ribs An exploration of new styles of barbecue developing in the North Chris and Andy’s secret competition barbecue recipes that have won them hundreds of awards Regional side dishes, cocktails, and simple desserts A guest pitmaster in each chapter who is an expert in their given region or style of barbecue cooking. Guest pitmasters include: Steve Raichlen (author and host of Project Smoke on PBS), Jake Jacobs, Sam Jones (Skylight Inn and Sam Jones Barbecue), Elizabeth Karmel (Carolina Cue To Go), Tuffy Stone (Q Barbecue), Rod Gray (eat bbq), John Lewis (Lewis Barbecue), Jamie Geer (owner of Jambo Pits) and Billy Durney (Hometown Bar-B-Que)