At the turn of the twentieth century, two distinct, yet at times overlapping, male same-sex sexual subcultures had emerged in the Pacific Northwest: one among the men and boys who toiled in the region's logging, fishing, mining, farming, and railroad-building industries; the other among the young urban white-collar workers of the emerging corporate order. Boag draws on police logs, court records, and newspaper accounts to create a vivid picture of the lives of these men and youths—their sexual practices, cultural networks, cross-class relations, variations in rural and urban experiences, and ethnic and racial influences.
In the face of near-universal disapproval, between one quarter and one half of all married Americans, including 15-30% of married women, at some point, engage in an extramarital affair. They will have either an enriching experience or the sad, destructive, ugly mess for which affairs are far better known. There is one self-help book that every one of these millions of people wants and needs to read. It has never been written. Until now. Your Affair is a thoughtful, detailed discussion of every aspect of considering, preparing for, beginning and conducting a successful and emotionally fulfilling extramarital affair, including advice, case histories, numerous first-person narratives, humorous anecdotes and step-by-step guidance for every facet of the process. Contrary to what the media like to portray, many of the major pitfalls are avoidable and an extramarital relationship can bring a person greater happiness and personal growth if properly managed. Your Affair shows how.
9 Who Said It 1. A. Take your left hand off the wheel and your right hand off the shifter. B. I love it when a plan comes together. C. You betrayed your oldest living friend. D. Better stick with the gun. 2. A. I'm gonna turn you into the bell of the ball. B. Would your partner like to be wrapped in silk as well? C. Some people think it's tacky but I enjoy when couples dress alike. D. You got the mocha chino face and the big broad shoulders, let's put a dead animal on you.
This book challenges the fundamental paradigms in sexual-marital therapies, and provides a fresh look at the nature of intimacy and the diverse barriers to eroticism in many marriages. By integrating individual, sexual and marital therapies, this study attempts to provide a fresh look at the nature of intimacy and the diverse barriers to eroticism in marriage. The author refutes the common focus on sexual technique, calling instead for an emphasis on sexual potential.
A psychologist specializing in couples therapy provides an honest and compassionate guide to dealing with a spouse's or partner's love affair, from the one-night stand to the grand amour. As a result of innovative technologies and a globalized world, temptation and opportunity often intersect, allowing infidelity to increasingly create problems between spouses, partners, and other couplings in which at least one person expects exclusive intimacy. In this timely work, noted couples therapist Joel Block examines the challenges of affairs, including types of affairs; their motivations and effects; and how to repair and improve a relationship, or part ways, after an affair. Questions addressed include: "What is the motivation?", "Is it a result of deep dissatisfaction? Or not a reflection of the relationship at all?", and "Can relationships be affair-proofed?" Providing vignettes from the author's therapy sessions to illustrate points, the book also explains how to respond to discovery; minimize disruption in the lives of children; and when separation or divorce is the chosen solution, understand new modes of "conscious de-coupling" that keep post-breakup life stable as well as satisfying. A lifeline for recovering from crisis, this text will interest general readers looking for advice to react to, cope with, or avoid infidelity, as well as students and professionals in the fields of psychology, counseling, and social work.
"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
Annotation "Good fish get dull but sex is always fun." So say the Mehinaku people of Brazil. But Thomas Gregor shows that sex brings a supreme ambiguity to the villagers' lives. In their elaborate rituals--especially those practiced by the men in their secret societies--the Mehinaku give expression to a system of symbols reminiscent of psychosexual neuroses identified by Freud: castration anxiety, Oedipal conflict, fantasies of loss of strength through sex, and a host of others. "If we look carefully," writes Gregor, "we will see reflections of our own sexual nature in the life ways of an Amazonian people." The book is illustrated with Mehinaku drawings of ritual texts and myths, as well as with photographs of the villagers taking part in both everyday and ceremonial activities.
'From the time I started working as a sex therapist back in the early 1970s, people have been talking to me about their sex lives. What I hear about most is the business of negotiating the sex supply. How do couples deal with the strain of the man wishing and hoping while all she longs for is the bliss of uninterrupted sleep?' In The Sex Diaries Australia's leading sex therapist, Bettina Arndt, uncovers the night-time drama being played out in bedrooms everywhere the creeping hand and feigning of sleep, the staying up late in the hope that he will doze off. It is one of the great inconvenient truths of relationships that after the first blissful years together, most men want more sex than their female partners. Bettina Arndt recruited ninety-eight couples to keep diaries, revealing their intimate negotiations over sex. Who feels like having sex? Who doesn't? And how do couples cope if one person wants it more than the other? She draws on her thirty-five years of experience as a sex therapist and psychologist to provide a provocative analysis that challenges our basic assumptions about sex. With her characteristic humour and insight, Bettina Arndt proposes a new approach to how couples can enjoy regular sex and sustain loving relationships.
Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science—as well as religious and cultural institutions—has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are getting married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages. How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethå. While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book. Ryan and Jethå's central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity. With intelligence, humor, and wonder, Ryan and Jethå show how our promiscuous past haunts our struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation, and family dynamics. They explore why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many; why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens; why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women; why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality. In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, Sex at Dawn unapologetically upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do.
Public affairs—or sex scandals—involving prominent politicians are as revealing of American culture as they are of individual peccadillos. Implicated in their unfolding are a broad range of institutions, trends, questions, and struggles, including political parties, Hollywood, the Christian right, new communications technologies, the restructuring of corporate media, feminist and civil rights debates, and the meaning of public life in the “society of the spectacle.” The contributors to Public Affairs examine, from a variety of perspectives, how political sex scandals take shape, gain momentum, and alter the U.S. political and cultural landscape. The essays in Public Affairs reflect on a number of sex scandals while emphasizing the Clinton/Lewinsky affair, certainly the most avidly followed and momentous sex scandal in American political history. Leading scholars situate contemporary public affairs in the context not only of earlier sex scandals in American politics (such as Thomas Jefferson’s and Sally Hemings’s affair), but also of more purely political scandals (including Teapot Dome and Watergate) and sex scandals centered around public figures other than politicians (such as the actor Hugh Grant and the minister Jimmy Swaggart). Some essays consider the Clinton affair in light of feminist and anti-racist politics, while others discuss the dynamics of scandals as major media events. By charting a critical path through the muck of scandal rather than around it, Public Affairs illuminates why sex scandals have become such a prominent feature of American public life. Contributors. Paul Apostolidis, Jodi Dean, Joshua Gamson, Theodore J. Lowi, Joshua D. Rothman, George Shulman, Anna Marie Smith, Jeremy Varon, Juliet A. Williams
