That love does not control seems obvious to many people. And yet the temptation to control—often with good motives — is strong. The long-term results of yielding to this temptation damage everyone. Contributors to Love Does Not Control explore uncontrolling love and a vision of God as uncontrolling. They do so from their perspectives as therapists, psychologists, and counselors. Writers ponder what uncontrolling love might mean for human healing. Open and relational theology operates as the underlying framework for most contributors. That theology fits nicely with the belief that love is uncontrolling. Open and relational theology rethinks divine power in light of love and postulates what it might mean for creatures to imitate their Creator’s uncontrolling love. The essays in Love Does Not Control are diverse. Readers may discover some differences of opinion as they move from essay to essay. But contributors share in common the quest to explore what uncontrolling love means for issues in counseling, psychology, and/or therapy. These essays have a power that goes beyond mere theoretical reflection. The ideas in these pages have the capacity to transform our living. And even reading Love Does Not Control has the potential to become an exercise in uncontrolling love!
Hurting people ask heart-felt questions about God and suffering. Some "answers" they receive appeal to mystery: “God’s ways are not our ways”. Some answers say God allows evil for a greater purpose. Some say evil is God's punishment. The usual answers fail. They don't support the truth that God loves everyone all the time. God Can't gives a believable answer to why a good and powerful God doesn't prevent evil. Author Thomas Jay Oord says God’s love is inherently uncontrolling. God loves everyone and everything, so God can't control anyone or anything. This means God cannot prevent evil singlehandedly. God can’t stop evildoers, whether human, animal, organism, or inanimate objects and forces. In God Can't, Oord gives a plausible reason why some are healed, but many others are not. God always works to heal everyone, but sometimes our bodies, organisms, or other creatures do not cooperate with God's healing work. Or the conditions of creation are not right for the healing God wants to do. Some people think God causes or allows suffering to teach us lessons or build our character. God Can't disagrees. Oord says God squeezes good from the evil God didn’t want in the first place. God uses pain and suffering without willing or even allowing it. Most people think God can overcome evil singlehandedly. In God Can't, Oord says God needs cooperation for love to reign now and later. This leads to a better view of the afterlife called “relentless love.” It rejects traditional ideas of heaven, hell, and annihilation. Relentless love holds to the possibility all creatures and all creation will respond to God’s love. God Can't is written in understandable language. As a world-renown theologian, Thomas Jay Oord brings credibility to the book’s radical ideas. He explains these ideas through true stories, illustrations, and scripture. God Can't is for those who want answers to tragedy, abuse, and other evils that make sense! What They're Saying... “If conventional notions of God make less and less sense to you, you’ll find Thomas Jay Oord’s new book a breath of fresh air. Simply put, “God Can’t” presents an understanding of God that thoughtful, ethical people can believe in.” -- Brian D. McLaren, author of The Great Spiritual Migration "I did not want this book to end. I wish Dr. Oord had written it 100 years ago, or 1000 years ago... To find your understanding of life and your love for God renewed, read this book." -- Dr. Karen Strand Winslow, Ph.D., Biblical and Jewish Studies Professor of Bible, Azusa Pacific University "As a clinical psychologist working with people in trauma, I owe Thomas Jay Oord an enormous debt of gratitude for recasting the so-called problem of evil in terms that are conceptually satisfying, theologically consistent, and pastorally liberating.” -- Dr Roger Bretherton- Principal Lecturer at the University of Lincoln (UK), Chair of the British Association of Christians in Psychology “Victims of trauma sometimes hear theological responses that imply their suffering is somehow “God’s will." A more careful theological reflection on the nature of the power of a God who is love can help. Oord gives us a clear and compelling alternative in this profoundly insightful and admirably concrete and accessible book.” -- Dr. Anna Case-Winters, Professor of Theology at McCormick Theological Seminary “I know of no book that speaks to suffering with the depth of theological sophistication and psychological sensitivity as God Can’t. This book is a rare combination of depth and accessibility, truly written for the wounded. I recommend it to my students, parishioners, and therapy clients.” -- Dr. Brad D. Strawn, Professor of the Integration of Psychology and Theology, Fuller Theological Seminary
Most theologies suck. They're too technical or they describe a God nobody understands. Sometimes the God portrayed sounds like a controlling boyfriend or absentee parent. Rather than woo or persuade, most theology books clobber readers into submission. This book is different. Thomas Jay Oord presents a theology that makes sense. It fits the way we live our lives and matches our deepest intuitions. To the surprise of some, it harmonizes with sacred scripture... at least the good parts. And it promotes a genuinely loving God. Open and relational theology is controversial. Oord and others have lost their jobs because they embrace it. Others have been booted from religious communities or shunned by families and friends. It's that radical! This way of thinking is life-changing - for good - for so many. This theology doesn't suck. People around the world are turning to open and relational theology. It answers our biggest questions about good and evil, purpose and freedom, love and science. "Timely!" - Cody Stauffer & Craig Morton, All That's Holy Podcast "Cosmic!" - Pete Enns & Jared Byas, Bible For Normal People Podcast "Conceptual!" - Seth Price, Can I Say This in Church? Podcast "Inspirited!" - Jay McDaniel, Conversations in Process Podcast "Clear!" -Joe Smith and Drew Dunbar, Crisis of Faith Podcast "Radical!" - Shaleen Kendrick & Holland Fields, Desert Voices Podcast "Prodigious!" - John Williamson, Deconstructionists Podcast "Relieving!" - Joey Monteleone, Dismantle Podcast "Compelling!" - Loren Richmond Jr, Future Christian Podcast "Liberating!" - Melanie Mudge & Gary Alan Taylor, Holy Heretics Podcast "Magnificent!" - Tripp Fuller, Homebrewed Christianity Podcast "Enlivening!" - Michael Frost, In the Shift Podcast "Tantalizing!" - Jim Stump, Language of God Podcast "Captivating!" - Jason Elam, Messy Spirituality Podcast "Thought-Provoking!" - Gabriel Gordon, Misfits Theology Podcast "Interrogating!" - Todd Littleton, Patheological Podcast "Exceptional!" - Keith Giles, Peace Catalyst Podcast "Zesty!" - Mason Mennenga, A People's Theology Podcast "Tangible!" - Hayden Bruce, Pragmatic Christian Podcast "Clarifying!" - Mary-Anne & Andre Rabe, Question Your Answers Podcast "Trailblazing!" - Todd R. Vick, Reconstruction Rebel Podcast "Peace-Bringing!" - Chris Harman, Redrawing the Bath Podcast "Stimulating!" - Greg Boyd and Dan Kent, ReKnew Podcast "Punchy!" - Ryan T. Mullins, Reluctant Theologian Podcast "Exciting!" - Josh Patterson & Marty Fredrick, (Re)thinking Faith Podcast "A Gift!" - Beth Hayward, Souls in Soles Podcast "Inviting!" - Kurt Willems, Theology Curator Podcast "Accessible!" - Dustin Kensrue, Thrice & Carry the Fire Podcast "R-/evolutionary!" - Tim Victor, Urban Mystic Podcast "User-Friendly!" - Glenn Siepert, What If? Podcast "Reinvigorating!" - Jon Steingard, Wonder & Mystery of Being Podcast
"A masterpiece from the preeminent theologian of love!" A strong case can be made that love is the core of Christian faith. And yet Christians often fail to give love center stage in biblical studies and theology. And most fail to explain what they mean by love. Why is this? Thomas Jay Oord explores this question and offers ground-breaking answers. Oord addresses leading Christian thinkers today and of yesteryear. He explains biblical forms of love, such as agape, philia, hesed, and ahavah. We should understand love’s meaning as uniform, he says, but its expressions are pluriform. Widely regarded as the world's foremost theologian of love, Thomas Jay Oord tackles our biggest puzzles about the nature and meaning of love, divine and creaturely. His proposals are novel. They align with love described in scripture and expressed in everyday experience. Oord also provides radical and yet persuasive answers to questions about evil, hell, the Big Bang, divine violence, divine abandonment, and more. Pluriform Love changes the landscape of Christian love studies. ... What they're saying... “Thomas Jay Oord is the first to systematically clarify a variety of types of love and show that all are characteristic of God. This is an original contribution to theology. Though a complex task, Oord writes in an accessible and attractive way.” John B. Cobb, Jr., Cobb Institute, Author of Salvation: Jesus’s Mission and Ours “Christian theology in the years to come will need a facelift—a true restoration of the biblical witness to the centrality of God’s love. If we wish to help make the faith truly relatable to our world today, Oord’s clear, compassionate, and compelling voice is one we will be thankful for.” Peter Enns, Eastern University and Co-host of The Bible for Normal People “Thomas Jay Oord adds to his proposals on open and relational theology, developing a theology of love which is both uniform in meaning and pluriform according to situation and recipients. The volume is indispensable for those researching the nature of love.” Paul Fiddes, University of Oxford “The glowing multiform forcefield of love embraces every sentence of Pluriform Love. Free of sentimentality and pretense, refusing to pit eros and agape against each other, it unfolds a full-scale theology. This amorous vision will attract a wide readership.” Catherine Keller, Drew University, Author of Facing Apocalypse "Thomas Oord is a global leader exploring the primacy of love within Christian thought and practice. In this book, he presents a theology of love in a loving way. When he grapples with the Scriptures, he shows an attitude of fairness. His writing style combines scholarly depth with accessible simplicity. In the end, Oord makes a radical claim: much of traditional Christian theology cannot take love as seriously as it must. Love must revolutionize Christian theology, and Oord explains how.” Brian D. McLaren, Author of Do I Stay Christian? “This is a rigorous, provocative, creative, and very readable account of the meaning of love, especially divine love. It’s a very important contribution to theological thought on this central topic.” Keith Ward, University of Oxford ...
In her classic book, Elisabeth Elliot candidly shares her love story with Jim Elliot through letters, diary entries, and memories. She is honest about the temptations, difficulties, victories, and sacrifices of two young people whose commitment to Christ took priority over their love for each other. These revealing personal glimpses, combined with relevant biblical teaching, will remind readers that only by putting their human passion and desire through His fire can God purify their love. In a culture obsessed with dating, sex, and intimacy, the need for Elliot's freeing message is greater than ever. This beautifully repackaged edition will appeal to today's young people.
The secret to parenting success is out! Children need love, parents need respect. It's as simple and complex as that. Bestselling author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has studied family dynamics for more than 30 years, earning a Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology. As a senior pastor for nearly two decades, he builds on a foundation of strong biblical principles, walking the reader through an entirely new way to approach the family dynamic. When frustrated with an unresponsive child, a parent doesn’t declare, “You don’t love me.” Instead, the parent asserts, “You are being disrespectful right now.” A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts. When upset a child does not whine, “You don’t respect me.” Instead, a child pouts, “You don’t love me.” A child needs to feel loved, especially during disputes. But here’s the rub: An unloved child or teen negatively reacts in a way that feels disrespectful to a parent. A disrespected parent negatively reacts in a way that feels unloving to the child. This dynamic gives birth to the FAMILY CRAZY CYCLE. This book teaches you to: See love and respect as basic family needs Stop the Family Crazy Cycle of conflict Parent in six biblical ways that energize your children Discipline defiance and overlook childishness Be the mature one since parenting is for adults only Become a loving parent in God's eyes, regardless of a child's response Based on what the Bible says about parenting, this book focuses on achieving healthy family dynamics. Dr. Eggerichs offers unprecedented transparency from his wife and three adult children, who share wisdom gained from the good, the bad, and the ugly of their family life. It's all here in this eye-opening exploration of the biblical principles on parenting that can help make families function as God intended.
Now a New York Times Bestseller As a college student he spent 16 days in the Pacific Ocean with five guys and a crate of canned meat. As a father he took his kids on a world tour to eat ice cream with heads of state. He made friends in Uganda, and they liked him so much he became the Ugandan consul. He pursued his wife for three years before she agreed to date him. His grades weren't good enough to get into law school, so he sat on a bench outside the Dean's office for seven days until they finally let him enroll. Bob Goff has become something of a legend, and his friends consider him the world's best-kept secret. Those same friends have long insisted he write a book. What follows are paradigm shifts, musings, and stories from one of the world's most delightfully engaging and winsome people. What fuels his impact? Love. But it's not the kind of love that stops at thoughts and feelings. Bob's love takes action. Bob believes Love Does. When Love Does, life gets interesting. Each day turns into a hilarious, whimsical, meaningful chance that makes faith simple and real. Each chapter is a story that forms a book, a life. And this is one life you don't want to miss. Light and fun, unique and profound, the lessons drawn from Bob's life and attitude just might inspire you to be secretly incredible, too. Endorsements: "If this book does not make your heart beat faster, book the next flight to Mayo Clinic " --Bill Hybels, Senior Pastor, Willow Creek Community Church, Chairman, Willow Creek Association "Bob Goff is a one-man tsunami of grace, a hurricane of love. He doesn't just talk about change, he really is change, as Love Does chronicles in such a vivid way. Yet, Love Does doesn't leave you feeling like you want to celebrate its author, it awakens a sense deep within that you, too, have an outrageous role to play in God's unfolding story or rescue and repair." --Louie Giglio, Passion Conferences/Passion City Church "An interesting and compelling story (with Young Life roots) that ends with a practical challenge and punch: 'love does' and God can use you to do it " --Denny Rydberg, President, Young Life "Every once in a while someone like Bob Goff shows up to remind us that some things matter a lot more than others. Love Does has a kind of 'north star' effect that will push you to refocus your life and energy on what is most significant. It doesn't just invite you to respond with your God-given potential, it invites you to become a part of what God can do beyond your potential." --Reggie Joiner, Founder and CEO of Orange "We liked the book a lot. Mostly, the balloons on the cover. The rest was pretty good too. Lots of stories about how God helps us." --Aedan, Asher and Skye Peterson ages 13, 12 and 9 "This may look like a book. It's not. It is an invitation to enter into the greatest adventure you have ever known--your life as it was meant to be lived. Hang on " --Michael Hyatt, Author, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, MichaelHyatt.com "Bob's ability to love people brings contagious hope and inspiration wherever he goes. The power of love showcased in this book will surely touch the hearts and souls of many people. Read Love Does and find a friend in one the world's best hidden secrets, a person who shows how love can create connection and make a difference--even across oceans." --George Tsereteli, Deputy Chairman of the Parliament of Georgia (former Russian Republic)
"A beautiful and brilliant reexamination of love and its perils."—Barbara Fisher, Boston Globe Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. "Those who read this book will love more wisely because of it."—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon "[A] work on romance that is rich and multi-layered."—Publishers Weekly "Cheerful, open, and humane—you'd definitely have wanted him as your analyst."—Judith Shulevitz, The New York Times Book Review "[T]houghtful, compassionate, and profoundly optimistic."—JoAnn Gutin, Salon.com
Discarding popular Christian advice to use romance and sweetness to draw a wandering spouse back into a marriage, Dr. David Clarke lays out a tough-love action plan for abused and betrayed spouses to rebuild their marriages through proven steps that will restore self-confidence one step at a time. "I don't love you anymore." These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, "What can I do to win my partner back?" In this classic book, Christian psychologist Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed. Contrary to what many relationship "experts" recommend—weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back—Clarke offers an approach that he calls guerilla love, which essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse. Drawing healthy boundaries and restoring your self-esteem Five things your spouse really means when saying, "I don't love you anymore" The most popular "exit lies" and how to see through them Classic symptoms of a person who is having an affair Learning when it’s time to walk away This book will remind you that you are worthy of love, that you are not a doormat, and that you are a prize. Dr. Clarke will empower and equip you to make the best and most God-honoring attempt at saving your marriage.
