Perfectionism can be a blessing or a curse. When it helps us, it lifts our mood, and we can achieve significant accomplishments. But perpetually seeking an illusion can have serious consequences. It can become a painful, inescapable trap. Its self-sabotaging side effects undermine our goals and creativity and spill over onto our co-workers and loved ones, damaging our relationships. At worse, it can be dehumanizing and compromise our ability to feel love and experience joy. Fortunately, it’s possible to beat perfectionism! Learn about types of perfectionists, both positive and negative, myths they hold, and how their relationships are affected. Other disorders are distinguished. Psychological, genetic, and environmental causes of perfectionism are explained with examples of symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors. Ten chapters provide steps and exercises to create change and find self-acceptance. Take a personality test and get parenting tips to avoid passing on perfectionism.
How to break the circle of 'never good enough' Striving for something can be a healthy and positive attribute; it's good to aim high. But sometimes whatever we do just isn't good enough; we want to be too perfect and start setting unrealistic goals. Such high levels of perfectionism, often driven by low self-esteem, can turn against success and develop into unhealthy obsession, triggering serious mental-health problems, such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), on which this self-help book is based, has been found to be a highly effective treatment and provides relief from that disabling sense of not being good enough. In this essential self-help guide, you will learn: - How clinical perfectionism manifests itself - Effective coping strategies with invaluable guidance on how to avoid future relapse OVERCOMING self-help guides use clinically-proven techniques to treat long-standing and disabling conditions, both psychological and physical. Many guides in the Overcoming series are recommended under the Reading Well Books on Prescription scheme. Series Editor: Professor Peter Cooper
Anna Quindlen offers deep truths from her life to motivate and inspire you to become your most authentic self. “Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion. . . . What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” In Being Perfect, Anna Quindlen shares wisdom that, perhaps without knowing it, you have longed to hear: about “the perfection trap,” the price you pay when you become ensnared in it, and the key to setting yourself free. Quindlen believes that when your success looks good to the world but doesn’t feel good in your heart, it isn’t success at all. She asks you to set aside your friends’ advice, what your family and co-workers demand, and what society expects, and look at the choices you make every day. When you ask yourself why you are making them, Quindlen encourages you to give this answer: For me. “Because they are what I want, or wish for. Because they reflect who and what I am. . . . That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart.” At the core of this beautiful book lies the secret of authentic success, the inspiration to embrace your own uniqueness and live the life that is undeniably your own, rich in fulfillment and meaning.
Do you feel trapped between your love and your pain, long for peace but feel exhausted, belittled, and confused by a narcissist? The core problem in relationships with narcissists is that they prioritize power and sacrifice the relationship to get it, while their partners prioritize the relationship and sacrifice themselves to keep it. Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist is unique among voices that exhort leaving a narcissist. It’s insightful, researched, and empathetic and offers hope and help for loved ones to restore their self-esteem and rebalance a narcissistic relationship. It includes Essential Tools for Staying or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships and provides an in-depth analysis of the relationship, how to make changes, and how to assess its prognosis. This workbook is packed with healing exercises and checklists to enlighten and motivate you. It suggests lists of actions, including a strategic, step-by-step plan with scripts to confront abuse and get your needs met. You will reclaim yourself and improve your relationship, whether the narcissist is your partner, parent, child, sibling, or co-worker or doesn’t have a narcissistic personality disorder. In sum, you will better your relationship with yourself and your loved one and be able to determine whether and how to leave the relationship. You will: Discover the diagnosis, type, and deep motivations of a narcissist Recognize the red flag when dating a narcissist and know what to do Identify narcissistic behavior and know how to handle it Understand your role and attraction to a narcissist Regain your autonomy and self-esteem Rebalance the power in the relationship Learn how to confront abuse effectively Be able to assess your relationship and be prepared to leave Chapter 1 examines a narcissistic personality disorder, the different types of narcissists, including narcissistic parents, and the cause and signs of narcissism. Chapter 2 focuses on the underlying features, behaviors, motivations, and traits. You will discover how to identify the type you’re dealing with, and why narcissists act the way they do. Chapter 3 explains narcissistic defenses and all varieties of narcissistic abuse because it’s imperative to spot even in most subtle forms of abuse. Chapters 4 and 5 look at the typical personality of people who love narcissists and what makes them susceptible to narcissists and abuse. This is where personal growth lies. The next four chapters center on the relationship, starting with the mutual attraction and the signs and problems that arise when dating and loving a narcissist. Chapters 6 and 7 cover issues such as control, intimacy, emotional unavailability, love-bombing, ghosting, and gaslighting. Chapter 7 explores how to determine whether a narcissist is even capable of love. If you’ve been repeatedly emotionally abandoned, you’ll learn the warning clues to prevent its recurrence. Chapters 8 and 9 are about taking action. Changing the balance of power is essential. A blueprint is laid out for you to follow in order to change the relationship dynamics. Chapter 9 details a step-by-step game plan to effectively communicate with the narcissist in your life and confront their defenses and subtle forms of emotional abuse. Scripts are suggested you can practice to set boundaries and ask for changes that you want. It also offers advice for navigating couples therapy. Chapters 10-12 discuss leaving your relationship and moving on. They examine why it’s so difficult, what to expect, such as trauma bonds, grief, and hoovering, plus provide practical advice regarding flying monkey and divorce tactics with strategies you can implement. Finally, as you make a fresh start, the stages of recovery are set forth along with valuable guidance and recommendations for creating a single life that may include dating and therapy.
A revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism! A recent, randomized study—published by Mindfulness Journal—shows that Present Perfect is effective as a standalone intervention. The study found that those who had read the book experienced a statistically significant reduction of self-criticalness, a result that was still maintained at a six weeks follow-up (Wimberley, Mintz, & Suh, Mindfulness, Nov. 2015). While there's no doubt that setting high standards for yourself is a good thing, you've probably already noticed that perfectionism can come at a high price. And when you take steps to try to change, it's easy to be too hard on yourself and fall into the same traps that keep you feeling stressed and disappointed. This book presents a revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism—a way to transform your need for precision into self-acceptance, compassion, and love for each perfectly imperfect passing moment in our lives. In Present Perfect, you'll use the Buddhist psychology of mindfulness to learn to accept the present moment in all of its ordinary perfection. This book is filled with over 150 exercises and meditations that you can practice to become more flexible toward yourself and others without losing your love of a job well done. With this compassionate approach, you'll soon be able not only to accept life as it is, but also become more accepting and forgiving of yourself and others.
Being a mother is tough, and sometimes life can be hectic and disorganized. The truth is, moms don’t have to accept the chaos or resign themselves to the attitude of “this is just the way it is.” By God’s grace, every mother can purpose not to settle for anything less than His pattern for motherhood, and His pattern is victorious, triumphant, and glorious. Now, women who first met Leslie Ludy in When God Writes Your Love Story and Authentic Beauty can continue journeying with her through the realities of motherhood. Leslie will encourage, inspire, and equip moms to be successful in raising their kids, managing their homes, and keeping Christ at the center of their mothering. Written from the perspective of a mom who is currently “in the trenches” with several young children at home, Leslie will help guide readers to become mothers who are set apart for God’s purposes.
Can you say no? Do you say what you think, express how you feel, and ask for what you want? How you speak immediately conveys your self-esteem. Whether in parenting, in a relationship, or in business, assertive communication enhances your effectiveness, confidence, and personal and professional success. Conflict is a big source of stress. You’ll learn new techniques for standing up to abuse and managing conflict and communication problems. Being assertive and setting boundaries and limits actually reduce stress and build self-esteem, while benefiting your career, relationships, and sense of well-being. How to Speak Your Mind is an assertiveness training handbook that explains what it means to be assertive and how to achieve it. It details all of the elements of assertive and nonverbal communication. The steps to become assertive are laid out, as well as common mistakes to avoid. Once you learn assertiveness, you’re ready to set boundaries with people. You’ll understand the meaning of limits and how to determine your bottom line. You’ll be able to verbalize your boundaries and know the secret to making them effective. Get the webinar, How To Be Assertive, at www.whatiscodependency.com/books-on-codependency
Does life have meaning? Is it possible for life to be meaningful when the world is filled with suffering and when so much depends merely upon chance? Even if there is meaning, is there enough to justify living? These questions are difficult to resolve. There are times in which we face the mundane, the illogically cruel, and the tragic, which leave us to question the value of our lives. However, Iddo Landau argues, our lives often are, or could be made, meaningful—we've just been setting the bar too high for evaluating what meaning there is. When it comes to meaning in life, Landau explains, we have let perfect become the enemy of the good. We have failed to find life perfectly meaningful, and therefore have failed to see any meaning in our lives. We must attune ourselves to enhancing and appreciating the meaning in our lives, and Landau shows us how to do that. In this warmly written book, rich with examples from the author's life, film, literature, and history, Landau offers new theories and practical advice that awaken us to the meaning already present in our lives and demonstrates how we can enhance it. He confronts prevailing nihilist ideas that undermine our existence, and the questions that dog us no matter what we believe. While exposing the weaknesses of ideas that lead many to despair, he builds a strong case for maintaining more hope. Along the way, he faces provocative questions: Would we choose to live forever if we could? Does death render life meaningless? If we examine it in the context of the immensity of the whole universe, can we consider life meaningful? If we feel empty once we achieve our goals, and the pursuit of these goals is what gives us a sense of meaning, then what can we do? Finding Meaning in an Imperfect World is likely to alter the way you understand your life.
Grounded in decades of influential research, this book thoroughly examines perfectionism: how it develops, its underlying mechanisms and psychological costs, and how to target it effectively in psychotherapy. The authors describe how perfectionistic tendencies--rooted in early relational and developmental experiences--make people vulnerable to a wide range of clinical problems. They present an integrative treatment approach and demonstrate ways to tailor interventions to the needs of individual clients. A group treatment model is also detailed. State-of-the-art assessment tools are discussed (and provided at the companion website). Throughout the book, vivid clinical illustrations make the core ideas and techniques concrete.ÿ ÿ
From an early age, kids are taught to color inside the lines, and any color that strays outside the lines is considered to be a mistake that must be avoided. Perfectionism is a naturally limiting mindset. Imperfectionism, however, frees us to live outside the lines, where possibilities are infinite, mistakes are allowed, and self-judgment is minimal.The old way to approach perfectionism was to inspire people to "let go" of their need for perfection and hope they could do it. The new way is to show people how simple but highly strategic "mini actions" can empower them to gradually and effortlessly "let go" of perfectionism. This book applies the science of behavior modification directly to the roots of perfectionism, resulting in a new and superior method for change. Imperfectionists aren't so ironic as to have perfect lives: they're just happier, healthier, and more productive at doing what matters.
