Uncle Joe got fired at work He said because his boss is a jerk Uncle Joe has allegations Mom and dad have reservations Uncle Joe is staying here Uncle Joe might offer you beer Careful not to take a sip Roofies are what he might slip Uncle Joe likes having baths Uncle Joe might touch your ass Keep your distance from his hands Even when he makes demands When in doubt you can just say no And never bathe with Uncle Joe
If one commits a crime do they both go to jail? What if one is dates a male and the other dates a female? How many seats do they buy on a plane? Can they read the thoughts in one another's brain? With eight limbs are they an octopus by definition? At the movies do they pay 2 admissions? If they share a butt who decides when to Poo? If one of them dies does the other die too? If one gets pregnant are they both the kid's mom? Will they ever find two dates for the prom? What If one gets into college and the other does not? What happens if just one wants to tie the knot? Do they need one passport or two? If one wants to have sex what does the other one do? Do they both get paralyzed if they share the same spine? Do they both get drunk if just one drinks wine?
We Have Always Lived in the Castle is a deliciously unsettling novel about a perverse, isolated, and possibly murderous family and the struggle that ensues when a cousin arrives at their estate.
Moving to America turns H&à's life inside out. For all the 10 years of her life, H&à has only known Saigon: the thrills of its markets, the joy of its traditions, the warmth of her friends close by, and the beauty of her very own papaya tree. But now the Vietnam War has reached her home. H&à and her family are forced to flee as Saigon falls, and they board a ship headed toward hope. In America, H&à discovers the foreign world of Alabama: the coldness of its strangers, the dullness of its food, the strange shape of its landscape, and the strength of her very own family. This is the moving story of one girl's year of change, dreams, grief, and healing as she journeys from one country to another, one life to the next.
For mature audiences only. Not for the easily offended! A hilarious look at children's books. I've designed book covers for 100 kids books that should never be published. With great titles like: Mom Can't Afford Car Payments, Dad Lost the House, Daddy's Moving Away, Daddy Committed Wire Fraud, Jesus Needs Mommy in Heaven, Mommy Killed Herself, How Daddy Got an STD, Why Daddy Hits Mommy, Mommy Turns Tricks, Don't Trust the Clown on 5th, My Dad the Junkie, Your Art Sucks, No Dinner Tonight, I'm Not Your Father, Don't Bathe With Uncle Joe, Don't Start Fires, Billy Starts a Pile-Up, Sleep Time for Mr. Mittens, Three Little Pigs Become Bacon, Don't Interrupt Group, Capital Punishment, Mom Joined an MLM, Kid Detective, Mom, Dad, Sarah and Don, Mom's Essential Oil's, My Parents and Siblings, Your Life Is a Lie and many more. The covers illustrated in in this book are a light hearted look at a difficult childhood. Try not to find yourself triggered by the one or two things that you decide are offensive. I can't be funny if I have to worry about you.
"A book of big heart, broad comedy, a clever wild ride and a damn good read."-Kim Taylor Blakemore, author of After Alice Fell and The Companion "Micah Thorp seamlessly weaves the past into present to explore the meaning of fatherhood and, just maybe, the meaning of life itself."-Jacqueline Vick, author of The Harlow Brothers Mysteries A down-and-out band, a girl searching for her father, and Jerry's guitar. The members of Uncle Joe's Band have spent years playing any venue that will pay for their unintelligible metal band performances while their rock and roll lifestyle has left them with bad livers, multiple divorces, and living in a squalid house in Vallejo, California. Then one morning everything changes when an assertive twelve-year-old girl named Allison appears on their front porch and announces that she has been sent to stay with her father for the summer. Meanwhile, years ago, the band's namesake and inspiration, Uncle Joe, takes a long strange trip as a vagabond hippie through the '60s, '70s, and '80s that includes brushes with Ken Kesey's bus, Watergate, the Pet Rock, Iran Contra, and Jerry Garcia. Inspired by their experience with Allison and their budding paternal instincts, recollections of Uncle Joe, and a well-played Stratocaster with the initials "JG", the members of Uncle Joe's Band begin to play a new tune in a major key.
Sometimes your mom is something more. She may be your cousin which means therefore. You're inbred because your parents related. A brother and sister who shouldn't have mated. Billy-Bob was born from siblings who fucked. Cindy-Lou's parents, cousins of bad conduct. Skeeter's mom was also his granny. Mary Grace was birthed from her dad's sisters fanny. You're gonna be okay because you were mixed. A donkey and bear, it started with a kiss. Inbreeding began with kings and with queens. Trying to protect the purity of their genes
Camel Tony loves sandwiches with roast beef. Camel Tony Doesn't mind if you queef. He sits at the back of your yoga class. When you're in downward dog, he looks at your ass. Camel Tony likes to visit the beach. And he loves everything flavoured with peach. He'll pick up tampons when he shops. Wherever he goes, he brings a bucket and a mop. Camel Tony loves to eat lima beans. And he doesn't care if your vagina's clean. Camel Tony has a cute little Beagle. Camel Tony can teach you how to kegel. Camel Tony loves eating pie. And he never leaves a good woman dry. Camel Tony hangs out in coffee shops. Camel Tony loves to munch box. Camel Tony enjoys taking flowers. Camel Tony doesn't care if you shower. Camel Tony will always pet your kitty. But he won't pay any attention to your titties.
Cattleman Ben Cowden accused of cattle theft and murder, and pursued by lawmen on the payroll of his enemies, makes an epic ride across two Arizona counties to clear his name.
In her eighty-four years, Arlynn Swope endured many of lifes greatest challenges. She knew illness, poverty, a near-death pregnancy, mental illness in her immediate family, and the suicide of her husband. She lived through the Great Depression and dropped out of school in the ninth grade to help her family survive the 1930s. But through it all, she faced each of the many rocks in her road with love and grit. Hers is an uncommon tale from a most common Hoosier woman, the little woman who was never little but was always there for those she loved. A veteran of the US Navy with an eleventh-grade education, John Curtis Knight didnt know what he was in for when he fell crazy in love with Arlynn. A welder and factory worker by trade, he built a reputation as a top amateur golfer who became a real player on his native Indiana courses. His life was built around Arlynn and their family, and they shared a rich adventure togetheruntil despair and paranoia led to his suicide when he was seventy-eight. Theirs is a true love story, one in which these two common Hoosiers share a life of uncommon love. Together they walked, pushed, pulled, and loved their way through it all.
