Revealing where the real conflict lies in a relationship—and resolving it * Breaking the Argument Cycle is a book for all those who've ever found themselves arguing with their significant other, again and again, about money, sex, or even a seemingly trivial topic—when, at its core, the conflict is about something completely different. A longtime marriage and family therapist, Sharon Rivkin has helped hundreds of couples fix their relationships by understanding why they fight. Here, she shows how anyone can use the tools of therapy to break the cycle of destructive fighting—namely, by resolving the core issues of early arguments, which have their roots in childhood and get repeated over time. Presenting real-life stories and easy exercises, Rivkin sets forth a simple, three-step process—Peel, Reveal, Heal—to empower couples to identify and then resolve their core issues themselves, shedding light on what they're really arguing about. This is then followed up with healing exercises. By thus breaking the argument cycle, confusion and chaos turn into clarity and healing—and everyone can learn how and why they get hooked into an argument, how to unhook, and how to develop lasting tools to turn conflict into intimacy . . . even after years of fighting.
Has your relationship become a battlefield? Does your partner's sarcasm, irritability, or hostility make you wonder where the closeness and trust have gone—and how much more you can take? If anger is poisoning your relationship, this book offers a powerful antidote. Anger expert W. Robert Nay provides clear-cut, practical techniques for responding productively to inappropriate expressions of anger. Learn how anger gains a foothold in a couple's life, why your usual responses may unwittingly reward bad behavior, and how to stand up for yourself in ways that promote lasting change. Self-quizzes and step-by-step suggestions for dealing with different types of angry behavior are illustrated with true-to-life examples. Grounded in psychological science, the strategies in this book are simple yet surprisingly effective. Try them for yourself—and for the person you love. See also Dr. Nay's Taking Charge of Anger, Second Edition, which helps you understand and manage destructive anger in all its forms, and The Anger Management Workbook: Use the STOP Method to Replace Destructive Responses with Constructive Behavior, which builds core anger management skills using interactive exercises.
How do two well-meaning people who genuinely care about each other end up in a damaged, unsatisfying relationship? Every couple faces conflict. Most of the time, the root of the problem is that we’re not getting our needs met. And most of the time, we first try to remedy this with reasonable requests—or hints—and a kind tone. But when that fails, we feel disempowered, which leads to sighs, eye rolls, silences, subtle put-downs, insults, and even threats. These are power moves. And while we often use them without realizing it and without intention, the result is the same—our partner feels disempowered and will try to re-empower themselves. And so the endless, and endlessly destructive, dynamic takes hold. Relationship expert Mira Kirshenbaum, bestselling author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, reveals a better way: a three-step method for conflict-free problem solving. By recognizing each partner’s power moves, we can instead find mutually satisfying ways to heal our hurts and meet each other’s needs. Non-judgmental, compassionate, and wise, this is an indispensable guide to help couples end the negative cycle and get back to the loving understanding that brought them together in the first place. “Mira Kirshenbaum’s words of wisdom are an inspiration to everyone who reads them.” —Deepak Chopra
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
Toxic thoughts, depression, anxiety--our mental mess is frequently aggravated by a chaotic world and sustained by an inability to manage our runaway thoughts. But we shouldn't settle into this mental mess as if it's just our new normal. There's hope and help available to us--and the road to healthier thoughts and peak happiness may actually be shorter than you think. Backed by clinical research and illustrated with compelling case studies, Dr. Caroline Leaf provides a scientifically proven five-step plan to find and eliminate the root of anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts in your life so you can experience dramatically improved mental and physical health. In just 21 days, you can start to clean up your mental mess and be on the road to wholeness, peace, and happiness.
Psychologist and top marriage guru John Gottman has spent twenty years studying what makes a marriage last - now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen and maintain your long-term relationship. This ground-breaking book will enable you to see where your strengths and weaknesses lie, what specific actions you can take to improve your marriage and how to avoid the damaging patterns that can lead to divorce. It includes: - Practical exercises and techniques that will allow you to understand and make the most of your relationship - Ways to recognise and overcome the attitudes that doom a marriage - Questionnaires that will help you evaluate your relationship - Case studies and anecdotes from real life throughout
“An intense snapshot of the chain reaction caused by pulling a trigger.” —Booklist (starred review) “Astonishing.” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) “A tour de force.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review) A Newbery Honor Book A Coretta Scott King Honor Book A Printz Honor Book A Time Best YA Book of All Time (2021) A Los Angeles Times Book Prize Winner for Young Adult Literature Longlisted for the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature Winner of the Walter Dean Myers Award An Edgar Award Winner for Best Young Adult Fiction Parents’ Choice Gold Award Winner An Entertainment Weekly Best YA Book of 2017 A Vulture Best YA Book of 2017 A Buzzfeed Best YA Book of 2017 An ode to Put the Damn Guns Down, this is New York Times bestselling author Jason Reynolds’s electrifying novel that takes place in sixty potent seconds—the time it takes a kid to decide whether or not he’s going to murder the guy who killed his brother. A cannon. A strap. A piece. A biscuit. A burner. A heater. A chopper. A gat. A hammer A tool for RULE Or, you can call it a gun. That’s what fifteen-year-old Will has shoved in the back waistband of his jeans. See, his brother Shawn was just murdered. And Will knows the rules. No crying. No snitching. Revenge. That’s where Will’s now heading, with that gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, the gun that was his brother’s gun. He gets on the elevator, seventh floor, stoked. He knows who he’s after. Or does he? As the elevator stops on the sixth floor, on comes Buck. Buck, Will finds out, is who gave Shawn the gun before Will took the gun. Buck tells Will to check that the gun is even loaded. And that’s when Will sees that one bullet is missing. And the only one who could have fired Shawn’s gun was Shawn. Huh. Will didn’t know that Shawn had ever actually USED his gun. Bigger huh. BUCK IS DEAD. But Buck’s in the elevator? Just as Will’s trying to think this through, the door to the next floor opens. A teenage girl gets on, waves away the smoke from Dead Buck’s cigarette. Will doesn’t know her, but she knew him. Knew. When they were eight. And stray bullets had cut through the playground, and Will had tried to cover her, but she was hit anyway, and so what she wants to know, on that fifth floor elevator stop, is, what if Will, Will with the gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, MISSES. And so it goes, the whole long way down, as the elevator stops on each floor, and at each stop someone connected to his brother gets on to give Will a piece to a bigger story than the one he thinks he knows. A story that might never know an END…if Will gets off that elevator. Told in short, fierce staccato narrative verse, Long Way Down is a fast and furious, dazzlingly brilliant look at teenage gun violence, as could only be told by Jason Reynolds.
Dr. Cheryl Fraser presents enlivening mindfulness exercises, techniques from couples and sex therapy, and the wisdom of Buddhist teachings to help you spark the passion and thrill you've been seeking in your relationship. With this book, couples can break free from the monotony of familiar routines and bring a little nirvana back to the bedroom for a more exciting, loving, and fulfilling connection.
"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships"--
American democracy is in deep crisis. But what do we do about it? That depends on how we understand the current threat.In Breaking the Two-Party Doom Loop, Lee Drutman argues that we now have, for the first time in American history, a genuine two-party system, with two fully-sorted, truly national parties, divided over the character of the nation. And it's a disaster. It's a party system fundamentally at odds withour anti-majoritarian, compromise-oriented governing institutions. It threatens the very foundations of fairness and shared values on which our democracy depends.Deftly weaving together history, democratic theory, and cutting-edge political science research, Drutman tells the story of how American politics became so toxic and why the country is now trapped in a doom loop of escalating two-party warfare from which there is only one escape: increase the numberof parties through electoral reform. As he shows, American politics was once stable because the two parties held within them multiple factions, which made it possible to assemble flexible majorities and kept the climate of political combat from overheating. But as conservative Southern Democrats andliberal Northeastern Republicans disappeared, partisan conflict flattened and pulled apart. Once the parties became fully nationalized - a long-germinating process that culminated in 2010 - toxic partisanship took over completely. With the two parties divided over competing visions of nationalidentity, Democrats and Republicans no longer see each other as opponents, but as enemies. And the more the conflict escalates, the shakier our democracy feels.Breaking the Two-Party Doom Loop makes a compelling case for large scale electoral reform - importantly, reform not requiring a constitutional amendment - that would give America more parties, making American democracy more representative, more responsive, and ultimately more stable.
