This volume reports on the growing body of knowledge on shame and guilt, integrating findings from the authors' original research program with other data emerging from social, clinical, personality, and developmental psychology. Evidence is presented to demonstrate that these universally experienced affective phenomena have significant implications for many aspects of human functioning, with particular relevance for interpersonal relationships. --From publisher's description.
My cold, soaked, naked body was exposed, and I immediately knew I was in danger. As my lip began to quiver and involuntarily protrude, I became drenched with an overwhelming, instant yearning for my mum. Yet no sound would escape my mouth, so I stood there cornered like a mouse surrounded by the steal of a trap set to spring at any moment just waiting to secure me in its unforgiving clutches. My startled, fearful eyes only minutely reflecting the implosion that had just been detonated within my inner sanctum. I was rigid with fear as my body stiffened; my mind silent offering no guidance to navigate its way to a place of safety. I was defenceless, weak, alone and oh how his salivation seemed to intensify. This was one of those acute moments in time where the lens ultimately sharpens its focus and the shutter snaps rapidly. The question is: had you orchestrated this moment to quench your sordid desires and are you about to make the most heinous decision that will manifest into a lifetime of Blame, Shame & Guilt? I close my eyes and silently pray that I will be spared the torment.
Guilt can be an unrelenting source of pain, keeping us stuck in the past and preventing us from being present and loving ourselves and others. Guilt may simmer in our unconscious, or we may condemn ourselves–not once, but over and over. Either way, toxic guilt is insidious and destructive and can sabotage our goals and relationships. It lowers our self-esteem and makes us easy targets for blame and manipulation. Unresolved guilt can cause anger and resentment, not only at ourselves, but also toward others. On the other hand, recovery from guilt encourages us to get along with others, improve ourselves, and build self-esteem. Even if what we did was wrong, we can still find self-forgiveness. Freedom from Guilt and Blame provides a step-by-step workbook for healing guilt and finding self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Self-forgiveness is self-essential to self-worth. Yet, for many of us, self-acceptance remains elusive due to toxic guilt – sometimes for a lifetime. Freedom from Guilt and Blame is designed to free you from guilt’s grip. It will help you sort out healthy from toxic guilt and distinguish it from other emotions, such as shame and regret. You’re guided to review and assess your values, motives, responsibilities, actions, and beliefs, and understand the negative impact of perfectionism and codependency. To overcome guilt, three methods are set forth in detail: cognitive, self-compassion, and spiritual. Applying these specific self-healing techniques and exercises will generate self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.
With the first unified theory of guilt, shame, and anxiety, this pioneering psychiatrist and critic of psychiatric diagnoses and drugs examines the causes and effects of psychological and emotional suffering from the perspective of biological evolution, child development, and mature adult decision-making. Drawing on evolution, neuroscience, and decades of clinical experience, Dr. Breggin analyzes what he calls our negative legacy emotions-the painful emotional heritage that encumbers all human beings. The author marshals evidence that we evolved as the most violent and yet most empathic creatures on Earth. Evolution dealt with this species-threatening conflict between our violence and our close-knit social life by building guilt, shame, and anxiety into our genes. These inhibiting emotions were needed prehistorically to control our self-assertiveness and aggression within intimate family and clan relationships. Dr. Breggin shows how guilt, shame, and anxiety eventually became self-defeating and demoralizing legacies from our primitive past, which no longer play any useful or positive role in mature adult life. He then guides the reader through the Three Steps to Emotional Freedom, starting with how to identify negative legacy emotions and then how to reject their control over us. Finally, he describes how to triumph over and transcend guilt, shame, and anxiety on the way to greater emotional freedom and a more rational, loving, and productive life.
A nationally recognized author and codependency expert examines the roots of shame and its connection with codependent relationships. Learn how to heal from their destructive hold by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you, and lead to healthier relationships. Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships—where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another—often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be. In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
