Through an investigation of sexual interactions and relationship forms that include more than two people, from polyamory, to threesomes, to the complexity of the "down-low" Schippers explores the queer, feminist, and anti-racist potential of multipartnered sex and relationships
A man and woman are in an open relationship. They have agreed that having sexual partners outside of their relationship is permissible. One night, when her partner is in another city, the woman has sex with the man’s best friend. What does this mean for their relationship? More importantly, why is there such a strong cultural taboo against this kind of triangulation and what does it reveal about the social organization of gender and sexuality? In Beyond Monogamy, Mimi Schippers asks these and other questions to explore compulsory monogamy as a central feature of sexual normalcy. Schippers argues that compulsory monogamy promotes the monogamous couple as the only legitimate, natural, or desirable relationship form in ways that support and legitimize gender, race, and sexual inequalities. Through an investigation of sexual interactions and relationship forms that include more than two people, from polyamory, to threesomes, to the complexity of the ‘down-low,’ Schippers explores the queer, feminist, and anti-racist potential of non-dyadic sex and relationships. A serious look at the intersections of society and sexuality, Beyond Monogamy takes the reader on a compelling and accessible journey through compulsory monogamy, polyamory, and polyqueer sex and relationships.
Skills to make every relationship better. We're living through a relationship revolution. Millions around the world are moving beyond coupledom to explore multiple consensual romantic and/or sexual connections. One in five Americans are thought to have experimented with 'monogamish, ' open relationships, swinging, polyamory, or relationship anarchy and more with the knowledge and consent of all those involved. But to make these relationships work consensually, non monogamous people have to supercharge relating skills like communication and negotiation, skills that can benefit us all, whether we love many or just one. In this ground-breaking book former BBC and Reuters journalist Jonathan Kent takes a comprehensive took at the frontiers of love and sex; the triumphs, the pitfalls, the tools one needs, the lessons we can all learn. A World Beyond Monogamy draws on the first hand experience of scores of people from six continents who are writing their own relationship rules, as well as on the expertise of biologists, sociologists, psychologists, and philosophers.
In Love and Freedom, Jorge Ferrer proposes a paradigm shift in how romantic relationships are conceptualized, a step forward in the evolution of modern relationships. In the same way that the transgender movement surmounted the gender binary, Ferrer defines how a parallel step can—and should—be taken with the relational style binary. This book offers the first systematic discussion of relationship modes beyond monogamy and polyamory, as well as introduces the notion of “relational freedom” as the capability to choose one’s relational style free from biological, psychological, and sociocultural conditionings. To achieve these goals, Ferrer first discusses a number of critical categories—specifically, monopride/polyphobia, and polypride/monophobia—that mediate the contemporary “mono–poly wars,” that is, the predicament of mutual competition among monogamists and polyamorists. The ideological nature of these “mono–poly wars” is demonstrated through a review of available empirical literature on the psychological health and relationship quality of monogamous and polyamorous individuals and couples. Then, after showing how monogamy and polyamory ultimately reinforce each other, Ferrer articulates three relational pathways to living in-between, through, and beyond the mono/poly binary: fluidity, hybridity, and transcendence. Moving beyond that binary opens a fuzzy, liminal, and multivocal relational space that Ferrer calls novogamy. In this groundbreaking book, readers will learn practical tools to not only transform jealousy, but also enhance their relational freedom while being aware of key issues of diversity and social justice. They will also learn novel criteria to evaluate the success of their intimate relationships, and be introduced to a transformed vision of romantic love beyond both monocentrism and emerging polynormativities.
Have you read "that book" on non-monogamy and still wondered "But how do you actually DO this?" Are you totally great on the theory of open relationships, but feel like you don't know how it works in practice? Join Dr. Liz Powell, psychologist, speaker, and coach, as she draws from her education, research, and life experience to bring you Building Open Relationships. This new book is an all-inclusive guide to beginning and maintaining your non-monogamous life, no matter where you fall under the non-monogamous umbrella. Complete with worksheets, discussion starters, examples, and hard-won lessons (i.e. my mistakes), this book will give you all the tools you need to be more successful in non-monogamy.
Dr. Tammy Nelson is a relationship revolutionary. Her rethinking of monogamy—as a practice, a continuum, and a flexible concept—is on point, actionable, and nothing less than a significant cultural shift. —Wednesday Martin, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Primates of Park Avenue and Untrue Love is eternal—but in an age when we live longer, communicate differently, and value gender equality, is it any wonder so many people are looking for new ways to support lasting, loving partnerships? “Monogamy is no longer a simple concept,” says Dr. Tammy Nelson. “More couples every year are experimenting with open relationships and newer, more flexible versions of commitment ... yet few of us have been prepared with the skills we need to make those agreements work.” Open Monogamy is a practical guide for people who wish to explore new directions in their relationships—to bring in excitement, variety, and fresh experiences without sacrificing trust, security, and respect. Through solo and partner exercises and real-life stories from people across the spectrum of relationship styles, you’ll explore: • The changing face of relationships—why the time to explore new visions of love has arrived • Can open monogamy work for you? Self-assessment tools to find your place on the “monogamy continuum” • Essential skills for having honest conversations about attraction and desire • Exercises to remove shame and suspicion about open relationships • How to create agreements—traditional or otherwise—that are fulfilling, exhilarating, and built to last Dr. Nelson’s 30 years of experience as a relationship and sex therapist have shown her that relationships can flourish even when the old idea of monogamy fails. “You want to love each other with fairness and integrity because that’s what you signed up for, and honesty aligns with your shared values ... But you also want more. You want answers. The bad news? There is no one right way to do this. The good news? You can have anything you want.” If you’ve ever wondered how to try an open relationship or polyamory, Open Monogamy gives you the tools you need to create a commitment agreement as unique as your love.
Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means—and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner. Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it’s impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning.
Compersion can be defined as the opposite of jealousy. Hypatia, famous polyamorous blogger and inspirational writer, has intensively focused her research on this feeling somewhat unknown to most people. Through her careful research as well as her personal experience, she has come to the conclusion that compersion is within the reach of every polyamorous individual. However, this feeling of joy towards the happiness of our partners does not happen by chance, or without effort. Her hypothesis: Each polyamorous has specific individual needs that, once fulfilled, allow them to experience a solid and lasting sentiment of compersion. Hypatia warmly invites the reader on a journey of self-discovery to explore their inner selves to see what their essential compersion needs are. She also addresses the fundamental topic of how one can successfully support their partners and metamours in their own journey towards this liberating experience. Last, not least, she evokes the state of mind necessary for those who wish to develop, or integrate more fully, compersion into their lives. Controlling jealousy is great, but cultivating compersion is way better!
From the initial stages of trying to agree who can do what with whom, through advanced issues such as coping with logistics and seeking compersion, every relationship sooner or later confronts jealousy – and some relationships do not survive the confrontation. Between these covers you will find forty-two exercises with supporting text, developed by a professional relationship counselor and refined by hundreds of clients trying to find their own paths through jealousy. They range from basic (Exercise Two, Clarify Your Relationship Orientation) through challenging (Exercise Thirty-Four, Imagine Looking Through Their Eyes and Being In Their Shoes). All can be done solo, with a partner, or under the supervision of a helping professional, and all can be done before a problem emerges or in the throes of a jealousy crisis. Along the way, you will find solutions to the issues that bedevil even the most happily open relationships.